I feel like i'm surrounded by people 24/7 but i've never been more excluded, isolated and alone in my life. Is this what feels like growing up? lol i just turned 18 and legal 2 secs ago and everything has changed so much
It's been a crazy few months and thing are changing so rapidly I can barely stop to breath. I'm excited, I'm scared and I don't know if I'll be okay. This might sound like an exaggeration but I really hope I stay alive by the end of the year.
my body count has gone from 3 to 7 from being at college. yikes. im an 18 year old girl. i just cant stop myself from getting horny and fuck. like i dont want to regret it because the sex has been so good, but also, this number keeps rising.
I am listening to my coworkers discussion about why people get into relationship and why some couple end it. Some get into marriage just because they will have sleeping buddy, it's more likely you won't get an std because one partner, and you don't have to spend times and energy to wooing someone. Also you don't have to shop for new underwear because your spouse gonna do it for you. But her antique like checking which wet spot on the boxers, can drive man crazy.
I go to a christian church because it's a way to make friends. But I'm not a christian nor even fully believe in it. I respect the religion because people in my church are nice but they dont kmow im not a Christian either.
So i overthinking today. I think i have breast cancer. I have thought about this for quite few days. I did some research on how to check it yourself. I've realise it when i lay on my right and i felt uncomfortable i touch it i think feel there's a small ball. It can be false alarm. I'm nervous whenever I think about it. So that is that. Overthinking
My mom really seems to miss me since I moved out, so she suggested we take a mother-daughter vacation together. The thing is, I really don't want to do that. But I don't want to tell her, because how could I without hurting her feelings? I love my mom, but I know that I would hate a vacation with her. I'm simply someone who needs a lot of alone time, which is not exactly manageable on a two person trip. I also don't know what to talk about with her for a whole week, we usually start sitting in awkward silence after just a few hours when we meet. And then there's the money aspect. I don't make much money and would rather safe it up for some things I actually want; a big vacation with my boyfriend, a new computer would be nice... But I can't even say this as an excuse because I know she'd rather pay for the whole trip than not go, and I absolutely don't want this because she's not much more financially stable than I am. I usually would say "suck it up, it's just a week and you can make your mom happy", but my life is currently so stressful, juggling school and a job, and I get only three weeks real vacation a year. The thought of only having two weeks that I can use to relax makes me almost vomit. I feel so torn between that, and not wanting to hurt my mom.
idk if anyone else had this problem, but Confesster wouldn't open for me for the last several months. It was just stuck on a loading screen. It finally opened today. I've missed it.
People in my country are sexist, even women look down on men like because they're not super manly.
Every year I ask myself when would I die. 4 months ago while walking home, it suddenly hit me. Out of nowhere, I told myself I won't make it to next year and that it'll be my last Christmas. Now it's just a few months away to 2020, I don't see myself next year. Last month, I also had death acceptance. Like there's no denial to it, no pain, nothing. If I die, I die. I think I'm dying and I feel I will die this 2019. Just had to let it out here, don't want to tell my family just yet.