I get made to play chipmunk
i hate 6 AM. its the worst time of day. i hate it. the stupid fucking sun is rising but just barely, and the sunrise isn't even pretty at this time. plus im either waking up for school or feeling the after affects of an all-nighter so it's automatically terrible.
How does one go to therapy and not sound like a whiny little bitch who's making a big deal out of everything just to get attention? Like, I'm just getting worse. And I don't think it's just depression, but every time I explain it I feel like I'm begging for attention or that I'm exaggerating how it really is. But I know I'm hurting those around me, and I can see it. I just want to fix it. I want to go back to how things used to be, when I felt normal.
I had a great time with my family members today
So I've been having a crush on a celebrity for ages now. It always ends up hurting me, but I can't stop thinking about them and making up scenarios in my head (about meeting them, falling in love...). I feel so silly and childish about the whole thing, but I've decided to write a fan fiction about it. Hopefully it helps me to cope with all those feelings.
My phone was very quiet today I didn't get any funny calls
There was this really cute guy I had a big crush on. I really liked him and he understood me in ways, and I don't exaggerate when I say, that nobody else does. We talked alot but he said most we would be is friends with slight benefits. I was okay with that until I realized how torturous it would be. We chilled in his room once and just talked and cuddled. I fell in love with running my hand through his soft, silky hair. We exchanged some make-out moments. He once cheekily bit my bottom lip, which was poison to me. I kept telling myself "Maybe he'll change his mind. Right?" but he never did. During a snow-in, I was marooned in his house until 2:00 am. We watched Batman until we fell asleep together and I woke up with his head on my chest. Eventually we started drifting apart. In a last ditch attempt to save us, or save somethin, I took him up to my favorite bridge in Pittsburgh PA. I think it's really cool and it has lights on the bottom that shine spectacularly at evening. We had fun, but it didnt do anything. We just drifted apart. I miss the fuck out of him because at least deep down, hes still one of my better friends. I want to see him again as a friend at least. Not saying I moved on. But on the first level, I miss my friend.
feeling drained. i wish people actually liked me. haven't had a meaningful connection in forever
I ghost people for fun.
I've switched from my chinese smartphone to an old school dumb phone. I've also deleted my social media and my not so private email account.