i want to have a guy who moans when were making love.
I can stay inside our bathroom for hours without any gadgets.. I'm just there staring straight into the wall and thinking about random stuff.. And everytime i dicided to stop popping or showering, i got this part of me that doesn't what to go out.
One of the biggest mysteries to me is how nobody really knows whether girls have a hymen or not, whether it's supposed to rip or not, whether it bleeds... seriously, if you're confused by this, go do a little bit of light research. Nobody seems to know. Everyone thinks something else about it, even doctors. Like... there are about 4 billion women in the world, can't someone just do an actual study!? Or was there one, but it got buried because everyone wants to claim they know what's up?
I feel like a human, on a planet of aliens, or am I the alien on a planet full of humans. Either way, I feel like I don't understand anyone and apparently, I don't understand myself. I can't afford therapy right now. Confesster is the best I can do at the moment. Thank you.
I think I like eating more than sex. That is probably why I never had sex but I'm really fat and became diabetic.
Just once tonight, I'd like to fart without shitting my pants. I don't know what's up with my stomach but that's the second time it's happened tonight. I've been up all night. I thought I just couldn't sleep. Now I think it was my stomach's fault.
I actually *don't* shave before a gynecologist appointment because I think that someone who chooses to look at several vaginas daily probably has no problem with pubic hair, but showing up there with razor burn, having your lady parts look like they got acne, would be far more embarrassing to me.
I got this random urge a couple weeks ago to learn the Irish language. I'm on a 22 day streak with Duolingo. I found a free course on DCU to learn more than what Duolingo can teach me. I have 5 sheets of paper, front and back, of vocabulary and how to say it. I've got a big chunk of notecards with words on it. I put the word, how to say it, English translation, and any tip on how to remember it or how to say it. I know I'll probably never use this. I'm in America, I don't know any Irish people, I have no money to go to Ireland. But I just like learning it. It's a beautiful language. I'm nowhere near fluent or conversation level. But I am getting to that point where I can look at a word that would've looked like gibberish a month ago and have a pretty good guess on how to say it. I just wish I had more time to work on this.
I feel like I have to keep my feelings to myself. I hear those that I know say, "You can always talk to me". Once I start talking to them those same people decide they don't want to listen; or even worse, make you feel like something is wrong with you for having feelings, by giving harsh advice or opinions that you didn't ask for. Sometimes you just need someone to emphasize or plainly just listen.
Okay I know this is quite f**ed up, please don't judge too quickly. I kind of want to have an autistic child. I don't mean that I'm crossing my fingers every day to hopefully have one, and I'm certainly not going to try to damage my future child just so it turns out autistic. It's just, whenever I see a kid like that, I get this involuntary thought of "I'd like that to be my son", or when I imagine having a kid one day, the first image that shoots into my head is exactly this. I feel so bad for it, but I mostly wonder why the hell I'm having this wish. I guess it could be that I'm getting those protective urges when I see someone autistic, and my brain associates protectionism with having own children. Or it's because people have mistaken me for being autistic (I have always been very quiet and sometimes weird) and that traumatised me more than I realize. Either way, autistic or not, I hope any possible future children will just be happy.