I need to get this off my chest. I feel happier living at college hostel compared to living at home. My mom is sick, she has tumor. It’s been 4 years already but she didn’t seek professional help until earlier this month. I’ve always told her to go to the doctor at the very beginning but she wouldn’t listen. She opted for traditional treatment that was superstitious. And she chooses to still be together with my cheating dad and can’t stop complaining about it all over again. So, it’s always the same shit i have to hear every day.
I’m a female,21 and I’m intimidated by other women. It may have something to do with the fact that I was bullied throughout elementary and middle school by other girls that I thought were prettier or more popular. But now even at work, in public, or just casual conversation I gravitate more towards men. I think it could also have something to do with having a brother that’s always been emotionally distant. I might be deep down seeking a big brotherly figure in guys. I have a boyfriend and we’re doing very well, he understands my issue and trusts me so we have no problem there. I just find it odd
Seriously considering taking my bra off for the last hour and a half of my shift. It's so uncomfortable. I keep having to readjust and its not that subtle. It's getting too warm to wear a jacket inside but I don't want my boobs bouncing around. Probably no one would notice, especially since we're in cubicles, but it's a long walk to my desk. I'm definitely taking my bra off when I drive home.
I used to delete all of my texts every day. Not to hide anything, just... because. I guess I didn't like them cluttering up my phone screen. But now I can't help but think about how stupid that was. How many precious memories must I have lost? Now I still periodically delete my texts- just to free up space on my full memory- but I always save the ones that meant so much to me. I never want to forget those moments. I'll cherish those words as long as I live.
I wish time would move quick when you're miserable and slow when you're having fun. It's cruel that it's the other way around, whoever created the human brain either didn't think this concept through or was cruel as hell.
I'd like to cut some so called "toxic" people out of my life, but I can't because they come in a double package with people I love. My dad is the worst person in my life and constantly pulls me down, but I can't cut contact with him without also losing my mom, which isn't an option. I love her. There's also a certain part of the family who I don't want to see anymore, but they come to all family gatherings and those are the only times I'm able to see some of my loved relatives regularly. I also wish I wouldn't have to talk to a friend anymore, but he's my spouses best friend and I definitely won't make him choose. It always sounds so simple when people say "just cut toxic people out of your life".
I have attachment issues and because I know that, I now distance myself to others to avoid manifesting my problem and it's impulses....
I feel like my best friend is now closer to my sister than she is to me. Now I have no one. I mean, yeah, I have other friends, but I'm not as close with them, and I probably never will be. That's not the kind of thing you can just... make happen. You can't force someone to have a deeper connection with you. It's so hard to make friends. Why can't I have just one person? Just one friend who doesn't leave me. One friend to spend time with, to talk to about things we have in common, to support in their times of need but also to lean on when I need help. Is that too much to ask? Is it too much to ask for just one friend?
I don't know what is wrong with me. I'm often secretly hate people eventhough i have no idea about them. I just think that they're bad person for me, and when I knew, the bad side of them appears.
I don't dress to impress guys. I dress to impress myself....so that I can impress them with my confidence. Learning to love myself here :)