My anxiety has been eating me away lately. I feel useless, wake up crying for no reason, feel as if I deserve nothing that's been going on for me, feel stupid. I feel as if none of my professors would understand that I'm not capable of doing the work I'm supposed to because every time I try to work I start to get very negative and self-deprecative thoughts. Idk what to do or who to go to. Not even exercise is doing it for me anymore.
I hate my work sooo much.. i cant affort do quite because im broke.. and cant seqrch for another one because this one tools me alreqdy month to find.. Im a fucking accauntant.. i thought working wir numbers where easy.. but is so shitty.. Im soo nervous the last month.. my heart speeds the whole time.. i have diarrhea every fucking day and i also habe to vomit because im so nervous.. People in there are also shit! They are all asshokes.. nobody give a shit if youre not feeling well.. I count everrryy second every single day to go home.. I cry almost everydaya because of that.. The money is really good :/ but slowly i dont know anymore if i still want this money :/ this is making me so sick! I habe to take calm pills now :/ but it also not working.. im still nervous as fuck! I just wish i wasn so broookee.. fuuuckk >.> I play at the lottery everyday now :/ I have a dream that i tell everyone in this shit job what i really think :/ Im searchibg for another job.. but i just find shitty jobs that pay much much muuuchh less :/ I dont know what to do.. i dont even know what to do to stop vomiting because of this stress.. i was at the doctor and the only thing that he gave me was more calm pills.. Im so fucked :///// not even the doctor can help me anymore!!
yikes lmao i'd hate to be famous thank god I'm a nobody
I'm doomed I can't do anything right Everyone says they can't too but in fact they get perfect score While I'm here remain silent in front of an 0 Shit
Right now it feels like having a 'heart' is a curse...
I'm in a shitty mood so here's a list of everything that annoys me: The constant itch on my ears today. My headphones disconnecting from and reconnecting to my phone constantly for no reason. Rain going straight into my eyes. Wind blowing my hair on my face. People walking or cycling slowly in the middle of the sidewalk so I can't go past them with my bicycle. Wearing thick clothes. The sound people clicking their tongues. When anyone pats my back when they hug me. Back pats in general. People tapping my shoulder to get my attention or for any reason at all. That one rude-ass busdriver. The sound of my keys. The smell of smoke. Sunny days. Bright lights. People talking in class. Linguistic purists. Dust and stray hairs. My grandfather.
I wish my mom would quit putting me down all the time. I feel like every thing I get excited about, every plan I have, every dream I want to make happen, she shoots them all down and tells me nothing will work, it's not worth it, it's not possible, etc. I'm just tired of her negativity. I'm tired of her making me feel discouraged and keeping me from wanting to even try. She's my mom, she's supposed to support me and lift me up, not criticize me and tear me down.
I hate how sensitive I am. I get scared by the smallest conflicts between people, I can't take fiction with any kind of violence or sex and I cry too easily. And I have a constant craving for affection. I try to hide all this as best as I can. I wish I wasn't like this. I don't think people would take me seriously anymore if they knew.
I used to love my job, but every day I spend here makes me want to leave a little more. I'm just so tired of the people I work with acting like children 24/7, and I'm tired of getting my hours cut. I'm just tired.
I couldn't sleep at all last night. My legs were so restless I couldn't keep them still and as time went on, I just got infuriated insted of sleepy.