Hit 1m debt today - better go shoot myself
peoples' first impression of me is usually that im very confident and living a happy life. i've kept on that act for a while now and i cant keep it up without coming clean in one way or another. in the past i've been told i think too little of myself, i've been left by friends because of my mental health struggles, and i've caused a lot of problems due to my actual personality. the truth is, im very insecure and im acting like im flawless because i dont want anyone to know i secretly hate myself.
Hola Bn voy a desahogarme aquí ya que en otro sitio no puedo. Lo primero tengo 13 años y lo segundo si piensas em decirme te lo mereces o algo parecido ahorratelo. Empiezo, yo estaba en el baño lavandome los dientes y mi hermana entra y me dice que saliera, le contesto q no q se fuera a otro baño. Tiene 18 años y va a cumplir 19. Termino y cogí un tarro de aceite para hecharmelo en los labios para no tener heridas. De repente me agarra del pelo me arrastra por el suelo y me da puñetazos en la cara y por todo el cuerpo, cinco minutos después segía pegandome y yo me intentaba defender. Mi madre viene e intenta q me suelte el pelo pero se va. Estaba chillando de dolor y mi padre viene para ayudarme. Mi hermana me suelta y se hace la victima pero mi padre ya le había visto. Me voy a su cuarto y me pega da puñetazis de nuevo. Vuelvo al salón porque me lo dice mi padre y se va a la cocina para hablar con mi madre. Yo estaba en el salón viendo videos y todos menos mi padre me echaban la culpasiendo que yo no hice nada. Voy a la cocina para beber agua y se estaban riendo de mi y le dije a mi madre que era una mala madre y que muchas gracias por no ayudarme. Me comienza a llamar loca q todo a sido mi culpa y mierdas varias, mi padre le dice q no fue mi culpa y mi madre le dice como tu digas. Ahora está mi hermana con el móvil trankila yo llorando con heridas y mi madre hechandome la culpa y enfadada porque en este trimestre me caían 2 asignaturas pero es porque estoy siempre haciendo tareas de casa. Ns como voy a ir mañana al intituto porque tengo heridas y fiebre por llorar. De mayor no quiero ser como ellas y voy a estudiar mejor para sacar buenas notas y tener dinero. Como se que cuando tenga dinero me pedirá por mantenerme pero le responderé q no fue mi elección nacer y que si por mi fuero no estaría viva pero quiero tener un futuro hijos a los que por cierto no conecerá. Muchas gracias por prestarme atención y os quiero.
Some days I really fucking hate this job. It's so hard to hold a job being neurodivergent and dyslexic. Not because I can't do the work and get fired- I'm actually a very hard worker and always get compliments on how helpful I am- but because it's just so mentally hard on me. I have difficulty keeping track of time and correctly reading/remembering words and numbers, so sometimes I mess up what time I'm supposed to come in or clock in from break. Sometimes I forget what days I'm supposed to work, even though I write all my shifts on my calendar, because I just can never remember what day it is. On top of that, it's a customer service job, and I'm an introvert with social anxiety. Having to constantly interact with people who are usually already annoyed or just generally entitled really takes a toll on me. I get exhausted and burn out after 4 hours, and it's really hard to get through the rest of my shift when I work 5, 6, 8 hours at a time. I really do try my fucking best but it still isn't good enough for this place. And the more they yell at me, the more anxious I am about coming in to work at all. I want to work somewhere else, but I don't really have any other options... The stress has triggered my insomnia again. I haven't slept decently in a month. And being this exhausted only makes work harder. I'm forgetting things more. Today I even left my morning cup of coffee at my house, so I have nothing to get me going. I feel so pathetic for just wanting to fucking cry, but there's nothing else I can do.
I won't write all the details but my boyfriend got scammed by a car dealer (Europe). I have so much anger and depression in my body, I would like to pull my hair out or die. He is an honest and intelligent person who has spent months of his life doing a humble job to pay for his car. In the best of the options he has to pay another 1,500 (which we'll give along with a lawyer this time). My parents says that even if he's a bona fide buyer he could lose a years long lawsuit. I would like to roast these crooks over the fire, smash their shop, hurt them. I suffer and can no longer sleep. I'm depressed.
is my mind just rambling nonsense to me again?? no one understands, I just want to scratch my skin off because it doesn't fit right, I want to tear my eyes out because my own reflection stares right through me, my hands don't listen to me and my brain doesn't follow my directions. my mouth has a mind of it's own and everyone around me lies to me and pretends to care, the only changes I make are negative, I cause problems and I start arguments, I ruin friendships and relationships and I do nothing good or beneficial. I'm not insecure, I actually like myself a lot more than I like most people, but everyone listens to me more than I listen to myself.
People make me feel like shit and i keep the frustration to myself. I'm a ticking time bomb of anger ready to explode. Thank god I don't live in the US where guns are easy to get
These crackers out here are dumb as shit. I just let them think their smart, and then I just be done wit they dumb asses. They really pretend to be your friend, all the while wanting to tear you down, in their hearts. I aint got time for that stupid shit. Smmfh.
I despise parents who clean their kids' rooms beyond the age of like... 5 or 6. They need to learn to clean up after themselves, and they're people too; they deserve some degree of privacy. Just because you're their parent doesn't mean you're entitled to rifle through their things whenever you feel like it. I just fucking hate it.
Goodbye doesn't always mean leaving and forgetting. Sometimes there is goodness in every goodbye.