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Hit 1m debt today - better go shoot myself

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peoples' first impression of me is usually that im very confident and living a happy life. i've kept on that act for a while now and i cant keep it up without coming clean in one way or another. in the past i've been told i think too little of myself, i've been left by friends because of my mental health struggles, and i've caused a lot of problems due to my actual personality. the truth is, im very insecure and im acting like im flawless because i dont want anyone to know i secretly hate myself.

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  • I feel you 100% on this. It's like wearing a mask. One bold and confident. Ready to tackle the world. Underneath it is someone else entirely. People usually see me and think first off I'm charming, quick wit and snarky. But beneath all that is nothing but loathing and self-hatred. I'm miserable. I hate myself but I cover it all with jokes and humor. easier to detract people from it.

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Hola Bn voy a desahogarme aquí ya que en otro sitio no puedo. Lo primero tengo 13 años y lo segundo si piensas em decirme te lo mereces o algo parecido ahorratelo. Empiezo, yo estaba en el baño lavandome los dientes y mi hermana entra y me dice que saliera, le contesto q no q se fuera a otro baño. Tiene 18 años y va a cumplir 19. Termino y cogí un tarro de aceite para hecharmelo en los labios para no tener heridas. De repente me agarra del pelo me arrastra por el suelo y me da puñetazos en la cara y por todo el cuerpo, cinco minutos después segía pegandome y yo me intentaba defender. Mi madre viene e intenta q me suelte el pelo pero se va. Estaba chillando de dolor y mi padre viene para ayudarme. Mi hermana me suelta y se hace la victima pero mi padre ya le había visto. Me voy a su cuarto y me pega da puñetazis de nuevo. Vuelvo al salón porque me lo dice mi padre y se va a la cocina para hablar con mi madre. Yo estaba en el salón viendo videos y todos menos mi padre me echaban la culpasiendo que yo no hice nada. Voy a la cocina para beber agua y se estaban riendo de mi y le dije a mi madre que era una mala madre y que muchas gracias por no ayudarme. Me comienza a llamar loca q todo a sido mi culpa y mierdas varias, mi padre le dice q no fue mi culpa y mi madre le dice como tu digas. Ahora está mi hermana con el móvil trankila yo llorando con heridas y mi madre hechandome la culpa y enfadada porque en este trimestre me caían 2 asignaturas pero es porque estoy siempre haciendo tareas de casa. Ns como voy a ir mañana al intituto porque tengo heridas y fiebre por llorar. De mayor no quiero ser como ellas y voy a estudiar mejor para sacar buenas notas y tener dinero. Como se que cuando tenga dinero me pedirá por mantenerme pero le responderé q no fue mi elección nacer y que si por mi fuero no estaría viva pero quiero tener un futuro hijos a los que por cierto no conecerá. Muchas gracias por prestarme atención y os quiero.

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Some days I really fucking hate this job. It's so hard to hold a job being neurodivergent and dyslexic. Not because I can't do the work and get fired- I'm actually a very hard worker and always get compliments on how helpful I am- but because it's just so mentally hard on me. I have difficulty keeping track of time and correctly reading/remembering words and numbers, so sometimes I mess up what time I'm supposed to come in or clock in from break. Sometimes I forget what days I'm supposed to work, even though I write all my shifts on my calendar, because I just can never remember what day it is. On top of that, it's a customer service job, and I'm an introvert with social anxiety. Having to constantly interact with people who are usually already annoyed or just generally entitled really takes a toll on me. I get exhausted and burn out after 4 hours, and it's really hard to get through the rest of my shift when I work 5, 6, 8 hours at a time. I really do try my fucking best but it still isn't good enough for this place. And the more they yell at me, the more anxious I am about coming in to work at all. I want to work somewhere else, but I don't really have any other options... The stress has triggered my insomnia again. I haven't slept decently in a month. And being this exhausted only makes work harder. I'm forgetting things more. Today I even left my morning cup of coffee at my house, so I have nothing to get me going. I feel so pathetic for just wanting to fucking cry, but there's nothing else I can do.

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  • I truly feel for you

  • Do not EVER sacrifice any measure of your mental health or physical health for any job no matter how good they are or how good the pay is!! Find something more suited to your talent and special circumstances.

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I won't write all the details but my boyfriend got scammed by a car dealer (Europe). I have so much anger and depression in my body, I would like to pull my hair out or die. He is an honest and intelligent person who has spent months of his life doing a humble job to pay for his car. In the best of the options he has to pay another 1,500 (which we'll give along with a lawyer this time). My parents says that even if he's a bona fide buyer he could lose a years long lawsuit. I would like to roast these crooks over the fire, smash their shop, hurt them. I suffer and can no longer sleep. I'm depressed.

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is my mind just rambling nonsense to me again?? no one understands, I just want to scratch my skin off because it doesn't fit right, I want to tear my eyes out because my own reflection stares right through me, my hands don't listen to me and my brain doesn't follow my directions. my mouth has a mind of it's own and everyone around me lies to me and pretends to care, the only changes I make are negative, I cause problems and I start arguments, I ruin friendships and relationships and I do nothing good or beneficial. I'm not insecure, I actually like myself a lot more than I like most people, but everyone listens to me more than I listen to myself.

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  • It sounds like you have something treatable. Please, I urge you to seek help. You can get through this and conquer this.

  • I'm sorry that you are going through this I hope that you will feel better soon 🙏

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People make me feel like shit and i keep the frustration to myself. I'm a ticking time bomb of anger ready to explode. Thank god I don't live in the US where guns are easy to get

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  • True. I experienced darker times and having access to a gun would have made everything worse. Time helped me to heal my wounds but I felt like forever. I wish I had psychological help then. I was too young to look for it myself. Hopefully you 'll find soon a way to deal with this frustration, even writing here could help a bit.

  • Yeah I'm glad you don't live here too 😱

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These crackers out here are dumb as shit. I just let them think their smart, and then I just be done wit they dumb asses. They really pretend to be your friend, all the while wanting to tear you down, in their hearts. I aint got time for that stupid shit. Smmfh.

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  • yeah you don't sound so intelligent either

  • shut the fuck up racist retarded bitch

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I despise parents who clean their kids' rooms beyond the age of like... 5 or 6. They need to learn to clean up after themselves, and they're people too; they deserve some degree of privacy. Just because you're their parent doesn't mean you're entitled to rifle through their things whenever you feel like it. I just fucking hate it.

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  • my uncle literally took me and my sisters door off because we didnt deserve to have privacy for our behavior. we literally didnt fucking do anything he just likea inserting himself intonour drama thinking he can fix everything with healing crystals and shitty advice

  • why, I don't because I'm one of those parents

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Goodbye doesn't always mean leaving and forgetting. Sometimes there is goodness in every goodbye.

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