I have really bad self esteem issues, and it's been like this ever sense I was young. I can never see myself as good enough for anyone or anything. I always put myself down for everything. "Im not cute enough for anyone" "Im not skinny enough" "I'm not smart enough" "So and so is better than me" "I wish I looked like that" "Who would pick me when theres so many more better looking/smarter/wiser/deserving people". It's ALWAYS something. I don't hate myself, at least I never thought I did . . But the way I treat myself has started to make me think I do. I wish for once I was happy and accepting of who I am.
My work environment is incredibly toxic. My manager and boss are driving everyone insane. I want to quit, but I need the income and don't really have the time to look for another job. I plan to save up and quit in a month or two tops, but staying positive and energized while being there is impossible and its getting to me. I wish I could throw caution to the wind and just quit now, but that wouldn't be smart
People are fucking ridiculous today. If you rant and scream and cuss at me, I'm done helping you. I've told you everything I can do, screaming at me isn't solving anything. I don't give a damn how smart you say you are. I don't give a damn what you do for a living because it sure as hell isn't relevant here. I don't care. I don't even care about your lawyers because what you're ranting about isn't worth the legal fees. You are just a loud jackass and I hope you get explosive diarrhea. I hope you piss off someone and they slip an extra strength laxative in your food.
Taking job interview calls from my cubicle this week. Dick move? Maybe. But there are three types of people in this world. Dicks, pussies, and assholes. I'm done being a pussy. Fuck these assholes.
I have this weird, really unhealthy relationship with food that I don't know how to control. I eat all the time, even when I'm not hungry. I binge for days on end. Sometimes I eat to the point where my stomach gets so full I feel like exploding, and end up making myself throw up. I do have these random moments in between where I control myself and eat healthy, do exercise, etc., but for the most part I just can't seem to control myself and end up falling back into these disgusting eating habits. I just wish I could make it stop.
My brother likes pranking my cat. But this time it's a totally different level. He cut off her whiskers. Cat whiskers never grows back and I'm sooo pissed off at him that I wanna sue him for doing that. It was just stupid I think. Now my cat is always tired and anxious at her surroundings...
I think "casual relationships" are pointless. I just see them as a waste of time. People just using each other for sex instead of putting that effort into actually finding a partner seems really stupid and shallow. Nobody I know agrees with me. Everyone is just fine with the idea of casually making yourself that vulnerable to somebody, everyone's just totally fine with being that close and intimate with someone they have no feelings for. But maybe I'm just too emotional. Maybe I just don't need sex like normal people seem to. I just hate feeling alone on this.
What's with the sudden hatred towards hate? Hate is an emotion like any other. Hate has its place and I feel the hatred towards hate is totally unjustified and should stop. Haterphobes and haterphobic behaviour has no place in this current year of 2019. Let us chant; "It's just hate! Do not fear! Haterphobes aren't welcome here!" Yay #socialjustice
Fuck crackers and fuck the police.
I called the police on my abusive mother and I was the one that ended up getting arrested. I had cried a lot earlier in the day so when the police showed up I was very emotionless and apathetic, not at all how you would expect an abused child to be acting. Which is why they immediately took my mom's side. She told them lies. She only told them that I hit her, not that I hit her in self defense. She told them that I pushed her and broke the curtain, not that I pushed her and broke the curtain because she had me up against the wall with her hands on my face. She didn't tell them that I had a video of her abusing me but she grabbed my phone and deleted the video and the pictures of the marks she left on me. And I tried to tell them the truth but they were very biased and unfair to me. Telling me that what my mom does is discipline and I can't "discipline her back." So they put me in handcuffs and the last thing I saw before they took me away was my mother smirking at me. I spent one night locked in a cell. I was the only minor there so I was made to put on a different uniform than the rest of the people there. They woke me up at 6 am and asked me if I wanted breakfast and I said yes, please. They didn't give me any though, and I was scared to say anything about it. I didn't get lunch either. I was there for about 22 hours and didn't eat or drink once. There were insane people locked away elsewhere, and I heard them screaming and ranting all day long. When I was being released the officer told me that I better respect my mother, and I told him that my mother attacked me first. He said "She's your mom" and I told him that mothers shouldn't attack their kids. But it was obvious he didn't believe me either. I have a court case on March 13th at 1:00 pm and I'm going to tell them everything my mother didn't tell them. I'm going to tell them the truth.