I hv cm to realise that it is not 'hate' that has kept me away from most of my relatives, it is 'fear'...fear of how i will be perseved afta all these years. I am afraid that they stl find me 'stupid' 'dumb' and worthless... Sometimes i try to connect but that dark cloud stl hovers over me.
I'm damaged beyond repair. My mother sheltered me too much and because of it I am now a disfunctional adult.
I rip off an ass hair and put it on my Boss's laptop keyboard whenever he's out of the office at least once a week.
I've already told here that I was talking to this American girl. She was very pretty with a nice boobs. But I've dumped her the next day for no reason. I think i'm ruined beyond repair, can't feel love anymore for anyone after some bitch I knew yrs ago that used to make her ex jealous. Fucking bitch, I wish she was dead!
If i wasn't such a gutless coward i'd just put a fucking bullet between my ears! FUCK ME!
I lately had to ask myself if i actually love my husband and truth is, i don't. There were feelings in the beginning, but time nd working together showed that he's the most sexist, egoistic, manipulating, lying, cheating bastard i've ever met. How the fck wasn't i able to see this before - just how? I really tried hard, it's been 3 years - but this feeling of dispise towards him won't go away - when we sleep together i feel like raping myself
i got into a fight with my sister, she apologized but said didnt regret it, i jumped at her and my mom began hitting me with a belt leaving marks, my dad went into a position that could have killed me. i am the blacksheep of the family but am i in the wrong? ps my mom hates me and my sister now....
I moved into my new room so i can start training, the room is honestly terrible, the walls are full of roles, everything is nasty from the previous renter, and theres no space to stretch legs at night, i sleep glued to the wall full of holes and bed is also pressed against those walls, so i feel a spider could show up at any moment. today i didnt get any sleep at all.. the shower was cold. my house where i left, my room was so good and fancy, everything of concrete, a king size bed, the shower was so strong and piping hot. i really miss those comforts, and worse of all, it's been 2 days and i STILL haven't had a training session.. but hopefully this week i can start the BJJ, im gonna basically spend all day at the gym because i dont want to come home lol. i think i'll come here only to sleep and thats it. i wish the wall didnt have so much holes. last night i was warm under my blankets, but my head was freezing. there are holes everywhere. i haven't showed my mom what it looks like, she would freak out so bad.. but i didn't have other option, i cant afford to not train for a whole year. otherwise i'll never go anywhere in this career, and i'll never be like Rose.. it sucks tho. the smell in the room is the worst part, it smells terrible :/ and i dont know even what smell it is. im gonna train tonight with my friend , i think being here with all these hardships without doing training is whats making me feel bad, cuz i knew it would be bad here, but if i can feel like my ninja skills are progressing then every hardship will feel worth it, because to me nothing matters rn other than getting better at my art, so i can be like my hero, Rose
im fucking tired of accidently offending everyone! Hey, it not like I meant any harsh feelings!
How to tell if a girl is stupid : she fully believes in feminist brainwashing and never questions anything. its good how vocal these feminists are, that way we can avoid all the useless, bitter, resentful, toxic women, and only hangout with people with kind heart and rational mind i still feel bad for the feminists tho. they're always so lost and empty inside, you can see in their eyes, when theyre screaming and arguing and being nasty they think they are soothing those feelings, but really only making it worse my sister was a normal person, she went to college and got fully brainwashed, now shes basically suicidal and needs pills to sleep, pills to function, pills for everything, and they dont work, shes miserable all the time and in terrible shape and health too... but she doesnt realize its linked to her toxic outlook on the world