Sometimes I hate my own family.
I enjoy solving math problems. looking up statistics and stuff.... so started looking at covid numbers today for the US. 2.8% of all testing came back positive. 7.8% of those positive results caused death. that's 0.06% of the total population. then I looked at abortion numbers in the US. 18% of all pregnancies are aborted. that means people are panicking over something that is 300 times less deadly than something they have done for years while believing it's they're right.
is it bad if i like being used in sex, im a boy
today i was trying to go to the park nearby to smoke a joint then this girl that usually shows up to smoke (shes cute as heck) was like help me get some lemons and i was like omg ... fine.. then we was straight stealing those lemons lmao it was funny but afterwards i felt bad like, idk she just used me i guess :/ didnt even wanna hangout with me afterwards and wasnt that nice to me at all , i am ugly and super awkward tho so i understand, but just like damn, if i was different she would probably be nice to me :/ i need that
the cute girl at the square was talking to me and my friend today and i didnt know what to say to her cuz im a awkward and lonely and sad and depression, i just wanted to talk to her more and not be so weird , i could only talk about dumb stuff, i kinda decided that fuck it, next time i see her im gonna talk about whatever i want :p i want to ask her if she likes martial arts, she said she reads books, i want to ask her if she took bong hits, i wish REALLy tho, that i could just ask 'do u have a problem with me being a feminine boi??'' just right away, cuz otherwise its gonna hurt a lot if i start liking her and she doesnt know im basically gay, but with girls, i dont like men at all tho
I keep having flashbacks that happened a year ago. I was angry because these peopls attacked me and thinks all I did was all I have done wrong. In a random times of the day I just have a sudden flashbacks and it stops me from doing all the things I am doing. It's hard because I'm too hurt and too angry and I don't understand why I can't let go. I just want to revenge on them and make their lives miserable. But I can't. I tried going to the therapist but all she did was make me feel guilty that I was late for my appointment or something. Little things and it's not helping that I'm just dealing everything on my own. Idk anymore what to do. I want these people's lives miserable. I feel weak, I feel depressed and anxious. I am most of all angry of this world.
I can't living like this, I'm fucking isolated from the world my whole life I've been homeschooled my sister has been homeschooled since middle school. I've never had a friend beside family (and I don't really count that) in my WHOLE 12 years of living. also me and my sister NEVER leave the house, a FUCKING PRISONER gets more outside time than US. we're inside at least 78% of the time, especially during the winter not only that let's say we do get to go somewhere like, the park, restaurants the mall, than that means MY PARENTS ARE SHOVED UP MY ASS THE ENTIRE TIME. Their is no "going to a place by yourself" because my dad keeps reminding me that this City USED TO BE the murder capital, Jesus Christ if your going to have a child AT LEAST let them have normal human interaction and my dad keeps promising me "oh no, it'll get better!" "don't worry, you'll have friends someday." I've been hearing this for about 9 years. imagine hearing people say stuff like "lmao I have no friends." while knowing about how you literally cannot have friends. Maybe you're thinking "well than, why do you have a e-mail and this app if your parents isolate you so much?" I had to go behind there back just like my sister did to have social contact! I made a account on unsafe kids chat websites and did things I wish I didn't just because I was a lonely piece of shit. At this point I'm surprised that I don't have depression or some other thing with the way I've been brought up (sorry for all the bad grammar and cursing)
i need a vehicle but terrified of riding motorcycles again... i had a big crash and ptsd from it years ago.. now i need transportation i cant live like this, i cant afford uber at all.. i need a job of some kind but i dont have i am sad sad sad sad sad sad
I don't understand how a McDonald's can fuck up a McChicken and undercook it even though I'm the only person there and that's the only thing I ordered.
just deleted tinder im too ugly to be using that