i had this one teacher that would make fun of the way i smell despite the fact that i showered myself raw everyday. I had a naturally bad smell. he would compare the bad way i smell to other smelly things loudly and it was humiliating. he also made fun of the way i talked. i talked with no confidence because i didnt have any. it was the second last class of the day and the stress caused me to half ass the last class of the day and i ended up with a 1 digit grade in the last class. i didn't really care at that point and i still dont. i still wish death upon him for emotionally crippling me which has ruined my will to feel motivated.
when i think about Rose is hurts too much i feel pain inside so much
Bf and me had a double date with my friend and her bf. I hadn't seen her in ages so was looking forward to it. My bf agreed to it last week and whenever we talked about it he was cool with going. Fast forward to today, an hour or so before we are to meet them and he keeps pulling a pissed off expression. I question him on it, he says that he's not sure about going, he said that he didn't want to go to it and that he doesn't even want to talk or chat, socialise with them. I tell him to decide what he's doing because I don't want to force him to go if he really doesn't want to, but still he won't properly make his mind up about what he's doing. Fast forward a bit we're literally on the way to meet them at this point and he still won't make up his mind, even though I've repeatedly asked him. Finally I lose my shit because we're due to be meeting them in a few minutes, at this point, for this double date and he hasn't decided if he'll do it like he originally agreed to or if he'll leave before they come and I'll have to do it last minute on my own. I'm so annoyed that he's doing this to me - won't even make up his mind up and they were quite literally going to be there at any moment. I swore at him and yelled a bit, lost my shit just so annoyed by the messing around, he won't give me any straight answer or anything and they're going to be here literally any minute. At this point he still hasn't made his mind up if he will back out of this double date and has the check to be pissed that I'm pissed with him. Just as I lose my shit more at him, my friends come round the corner and see. Yep that was an awkward double date for me.
gonna watch some ufc toniteee at my homies!!! apparently theres gonna be some girls and im super intimidated by that and dont know what to do, really scared. but i guess im just gonna take shower and put nice clothes and show up i guess??? i dont have nice clothes tbh.. i should hve thought about this more.. today i just trained in the morning and slept all day.
someone thinking I'm racist because I'm white is just as bad as me thinking your a criminal because your black...tipping the pendulum doesn't make equality. it doesn't solve anything. just makes you look like the asshole. yes some ancestors or white people owned slaves...but blacks sold their own to slavery. and I can't control my being born white anymore than you can control being born black. so why is it ok to trash white people for something people did whom aren't even alive and haven't been alive for a very long time. not to mention, a lot of whites even in slavery days were against slavery and helped fight against it. you can't put all people in the same boat and think it's not being prejudice
I really want to beat my bullies to death but my parents couldn't handle it.
I genuinely hate my life and want to disappear.
I went outside at midnight to smoke weed last saturday after watching some ufc, and i got kinda hyped up and decided to go do some shadowboxing in a somewhat hidden place , well i got carried away and did it until i was sweating, and even took my hoodie off... the next day i woke up with sore throat, runny nose, a little bit of headache etc, and i know with the information i just gave it seems pretty clear that i just caught a cold from being outside under those circumstances, but actually im scared what if it is corona virus?? yesterday i felt much much better and talked to a friend about it, he said that since no one i know seems to have virus either and no one at the gym has caught it, that its pretty clear that it isnt corona, and that im just regular-sick, but im still worried... im like ''snorting'' cuz of runny nose all the time, and feeling kinda tired, and also sneezing all the time.. i had decided to isolate from people for 2 weeks but once it gets hard and depression hits its too hard to convince myself, i tell myself like ''am i really gonna waste 2 weeks of my life when the most logical scenario is that this isnt even corona?'' and also ''im gonna isolate for 2 weeks probably for no reason, and then actually catch corona for real and then having to actually isolate, and waste one whole month'' ideally i should get tested but its very expensive and i dont have money, i feel like testing should be free made by the government , thats like one of the few things government should do, cuz its public health crisis and stuff.. also another thing ive been telling myself is that ''if it was corona, you'd know for sure, you're barely feeling anything at all, people get super sick from corona, you're fine''
I'm jealous of my bf for the strangest thing... we just started living together about a week ago. we're starting to kind of see each other's routine and stuff. he takes a shit twice a day... the fuck. IF I'm lucky it's once and it's not pleasant. the only time I have proper movement is on my period... once a month my system is on track... but my bf nope, him it's everyday.
I'm starting to think my degree is worthless