I wonder why the fuck the shoulder straps in bras and swimsuits are so long even when shortened to the minimum. How big do the designers think shoulders are?
I've never been in a romantic relationship or on a date because I'm scared of men in those contexts. But I have this stupid yearning for romance and cuddling and stuff. I hate both of these feelings because they're so unreasonable.
I hate when people start arguments about anything related to rape or sexual assault or just taking advantage of people. I get really heated about it because, as someone who was taken advantage of and sexually assaulted, I have very strong opinions. And I've come to realize that people who haven't been in those situations just... don't understand. Like for example, people don't get that someone can take advantage of a willing participant. A group chat was arguing with me that celebrities who sleep with their fans aren't doing anything wrong as long as everyone is over 18 because the fans want it. But I argued that they're using their status and taking advantage of the fans' adoration to just use them like a sex toy before tossing them aside and moving on, and it's disgusting behavior. Now I just can't stop thinking of my personal experience and I'm so angry that people are okay with that kind of thing, and my mood is ruined. It's just so upsetting.
Beyonce ain't shit. she's extreme overrated.
Its really difficult to put my desires into words. There is so much i want to do, but i have no energy for anything. I am so tired. I want to get stronger, i want to create art, i want to lern chinese and russian, i want to practice calligraphy and typography, but altough there are so many things i want, i have no energy to do even one of these. I am a bad person, weak and pathetic. Time is running out. I dont want this body anmore, nor this life. Everytime i want to end my life my other half finds excuses to push it back a little. One day when i end it all, the most satisfying thing will be that this side dies with me.
I hate not being able to drive. But I'm so scared of driving. But it's starting to become REALLY inconvenient that I can't drive. My crush actually invited me to go hang out with him and some friends, and I might not be able to go if I can't find a ride. It's just embarrassing. I really want to drive, I'm just so scared...
Im really sad right now :/ I cabt find a job.. i cry everyday..i feel shit most of the time. I lie to my family everyday when they ask if im ok.. i smile all the time so people thinks that im really ok :/ i dont want them to know that im dying inside :( i was at the doc.. they told me i dont have depression and that im just pissed of. He gave me medicine to precent that i do bevome a depressive person.. i have to take ghat for 20 days.. im so shitty that i lie to myself that im ok and do not take the medicine :/.. i dont even know why im afraid to take this shit medicine.. im fucking confused.. somedays i try to sleep just to have the feeling that i dont have to think anymore.. fuck -.- i dont know.. sometimes i think im gonna explode :/ sorry for poor english.. its not my mother tongue
i'm lonely. and i had a way out, and was close to the light trough my hobby, but i injured myself and lost it. now back to loneliness until i recover. i thought i couldn't take it anymore, but now i have no option but to wait
Bwisit ka Kathrina!!!
Well, turns out my mum has cancer. After 3 cancer deaths in the last 3 years, I'm kind of getting tired of this shit.