2020 started off really shitty and i have a feeling it's only going to get worse
My period came three days early. I shouldn't be surprised since I've been so angry and sad and tired lately, and craving sweets. But I'm mad because my boyfriend's birthday is this weekend... and now I can't give him birthday sex. He won't be upset, he'll tell me it's okay and we can make up for it later. And he's right. But I'm spending the night with him the night before and I was so looking forward to waking him up with a blowjob and then giving him the ride of his life. This whole week has just fucking sucked, my period coming early is just the cherry on top of the shit sundae.
I'm noticing that I'm starting to feel depressed. A lot of pets that i have loved died, one leaving theirselves in the middle of a fire to die bleed and eventually rot, I don't feel happy ever, I never actually laugh unless I think hard about what It was that would make me laugh. Also, a girl in my class hates me for some unknown reason. I only have three close friends and ones depressed, one of them is best friends with the girl who hates me and nice me didn't tell her what the girl has damaged because they were best friends, the last one is my bestfriend, she gets me, she understands me, and were both lesbian pieces of crap. I think I fit in at my new school at least, we all have problems. If you think I'm depressed please tell me, I can't even force a smile. Should I tell my mom?
i can't even confess in this app thinking its gonna be exposed one day
I worked at 10 hour shift yesterday. On my feet, tired, cold and hungry i get on the train for an hour ride home. Drunk white guy gets on, stinking and falling asleep and almost falling of his seat. All the other white passengers realise whats going on and come to his assistance. Waking him up when he almost falls off the chair, making sure he doesnt lose his phone which keeps slipping out of his hand, joking with him about how "he must have a been celebrating". When it gets to his stop, they help him off the train. The carriage is now stinking. A few new white passengers get on, notice the smell and I, the only brown skinned passenger get glared at and looks of disgust about the smell which they assume HAS to come from me. Perfect example of White priviledge.
I took a sharpie to my school's bathroom wall today. The vice principal was being an asshole, as she usually is to literally everyone at my school, and I pretty much wrote that she should go fuck herself. It will probably be painted over by tomorrow. Fine by me. Needed to get this off my chest real quick.
Dreamt about my ex again. It's been 5 years and I still fall for it. These days are the worst.
How can i stop thinking about him? I tried meditating... Did nit work. He pops up all the tike, and my heart trembles.. I need him to be gone!
When someone i hate tells me that i will never be good at something i get so frustrated, that if you would give me books right there i would actually study it untill i am not at last half as good as person i hate
I hate my dad. He may pay rent and food but he never tought me anything and he doesn't even let me lough :(