You asked me if I loved you. You were staring at my face and your fingers were digging into my cheeks. You were four times my age and were supposed to be in charge of me and my sister when my mom was at work. I suppose before all the bad things happened I might have loved you like a boy loves his aunt. You were not my aunt, but I once thought of you as one. But I had red marks on my upper arms from when you would pin me down to the mattress. And scratches on my hips from your artificial nails when you were frustrated and just wanted to take my pants off. I would flinch and my heart would sink with sheer terror every time it looked like you were reaching to grab my pillow. I was always always always afraid that you would suffocate me with it like you did when this all started. I was afraid you would kill me like that. I knew you as a violent person. I don't believe you showed that side of yourself to many people. But you showed it to me and now I'm always afraid. I was afraid then and I'm afraid now. Did I love you? I didn't know what you would do to me if I made you unhappy so I sobbed and stuttered a small, trembling "Yes." And you smiled. I don't remember a lot of the things I said at that age. None of it really mattered. But I always remember that one word and it hurts every time. My mom thinks the whole thing is really hilarious. I know you're on the phone with her a lot and I know you talk to her about me. I know you convinced her that I'm a delusional attention seeking liar. But you and I both know it happened and I hope that one day it haunts you like it haunts me.
My plan is to live and die. pretty simple. but noone will tell me how to live or how to die. i will push deadlines and break laws all i want. there are no rules. only my will. and if i hit my 40s i will tie my neck to the ceilling. or blow my brains out with a diy shotgun. life is too short to care.
I hate that I can't hold eye contact with people, and I hate that eye contact is something that's seen as a sign of respect. I only lock eyes with someone if I'm telling them something very very important, or if it's someone I really like, someone I love and care about. It's said the eyes are the windows to the soul, and I wholeheartedly believe that, and it's so difficult to allow just anybody access to that view of me. It makes me feel so vulnerable. If I look someone in the eyes, it means I trust them and feel comfortable around them. And there are very few people whom I trust.
That bitch fucking used me too make her bf jealous. She used other guys too but at least they fucked her. Me? I just have the shame and regret. And it still hurts after 15 yrs.
I'm so sorry women everywhere, not one of you deserves to be treated like trash or victims just for being a woman. I never touched a woman or young girl inappropriately but I never tried to go out and make a difference, in that regard I'm as guilty as them. I am typing these words with a heavy heart. I shouldn't have been so passive, I want to be active on this. I want to look my family in the eyes and say that I can help.
I was trying to go to the bathroom at this restaurant, cause I hang out sometimes and wait for my friend to get off work, so I'm here for a long time. Anyway, I had just sat down to poop after waiting quite a while for someone else to leave the bathroom. Out of nowhere, these two kids are standing outside the door knocking. I hear one of them say "Someone's in there!" Both of these kids are probably 8 or younger. So a normal person would realize the bathroom is occupied and then walk away, right? This mom just stands RIGHT outside the door with her kids, waiting. That's so fucking weird. Don't just stand there and listen while I'm trying to go to the bathroom. I got stage fright and couldn't go, so I had to leave the bathroom because they wouldn't go away, or just use the other bathroom. I'm really annoyed because now I can't walk back across the restaurant to the bathroom without looking like there's something wrong with me. My stomach hurts, I just wanted to take a shit, is that really too much to ask?
I've only lived with like 1 or 2 other people leaving in the same house so now living with 5 and no private time what so ever is driving me insane. Pluse I'm a new mom so I know my alone time is even more gone. now I feel like I'm trapped because my boyfriends mom can live on her own financially and everyone is lazy and dosent pick up after themselves. The kitchen is a mess so is the living room and our roomate who lives down stairs, eats our food and uses our dishes acts like he dosent have to do anything cause "its not his house." so he dosent do anything either. my anxiety is going threw the roof and I know belive my depression is getting worse..I've even thought about getting my own apartment and moving out but I don't want my boyfriend thinking I've abandoned him..
I made a fake account to mess with people and make them feel like shit about themselves because I'm a self conscious bipolar fake ass person that's got a sick secret side behind this moral person.
Dear white western Europeans. I am black and i apologize so sincerely for the ethnic conflict that exists in your nations. I recently went on a trip to central/eastern Europe which included Czech republic, Poland Slovakia,Croatia etc... and the racism i experienced was beyond anything i have ever experienced in western Europe. I am so sorry you are feeling like your culture is being removed or replaced. Please know that after my experience i recognize the freedoms we enjoy in western Europe as being the unrivaled and we have equal values that are denied to us is eastern euro nations. Western euro ideals are the most equal i have ever known. Please do not adopt the values or eastern europe.
I wish I was more happy with myself.