why I feel, my friends, family hate me.. everything I do, it's like nothing in their eyes
this has been on my mind for as long as i remember (a bit tmi) but i cant shake over the fact that some people uses ONLY toilet paper to wipe their ass, like how?? i feel like that just takes so much time as opposed to just use a toilet spray hose, it's faster it's convenient and it actually leaves you CLEAN. i went to france once and i was actually traumatised how they just used toilet papers, at least turkey had a bidet, thank god cause i was this close to not going because i thought they havent. my friend had the exact same problem when studying abroad, she couldn't stand just using papers so she carries plastic water bottles with the pull push cap around everywhere she goes. honestly, the toilets are actually huge factors to me when travelling, if they dont have a spray or at least a bidet, im not going
Everything is annoying but no, yelling by myself at home didn't help me calm down. Fuck! Now I'm in public so I can't even yell. Doesn't help that soon I have to sit on the bus for three hours.
I hate the standard that tall=attractive.
I hurt my back somehow, and I don't even really know what I did. But I'm terrified that this pain is something I'm stuck with forever, just like my dad. This constant pain that on good days is only inconvenient and on bad days is incapacitating. My back seized up so bad earlier that I could barely breathe, I was gasping for air. My dad sat around and let his chronic pain consume him, drawing him to get addicted to pain meds (and several worse things), dragging him back into being an alcoholic. I know that these things were mostly his choice, and how he decided to handle things. But I can't help but fear that his path is the road I'll find myself on. A depressed, lonely person living in self pity in a constant high trying to forget the pain. At least when he broke down, he already had a family. I have no one.
You continue to make me feel like an ass, when something isn't going the way that you want, I know how to cope, you get all angry and frustrated. Then when I'm crying because I have no idea what I did this time, and you tell me I'm just throwing myself a pity party. You say you're going to be late for work, yet you won't just leave. Instead of sleeping, you play videogames then get upset at me that you have to go to work and you're exhausted. Ik I make you feel bad sometimes too, but at least when I fuck up, I come to you and apologize, you don't acknowledge the fact you were in the wrong. Everything is my fault, all of the time, you do you, and continue never to do any wrong, you perfect asshole.
Why do I ruin everything? My TV and my laptop have all gone to shit because of my stupidity. I was experimenting with them and now I don't have any of both in working order. I've ruined my laptop's graphic card and my TV don't recognize hdmi cable signal anymore.
I'm so fucking pissed tonight just because I remembered something annoying some rando on Internet said X years ago. How the fuck do I always get so worked up
I really hate my mom. If only i'm not a student and i have a job, i would build my own home and living alone without her. She's always force me to do what she wants, all of it must decided by her, since i'm in kindergarten until now which is im 20. I was so happy when i could go for college in out of my town. For the first time i could feel, hangout with my friends at night, doing event until midnight, and im sure if i'm still living with mom for college, i wouldn't have a chance to do that thing. I would spent my young age with those rules of my mom which is so bored. I will have no experience. She doesn't allow me to doing that kind of thing, she thought it's just wasting of time. But, she's always acting kind to all of my friends, they're think my mom is cool although everytime i ask her permission to hangout with my bestfriends when i'm at home, it's so difficult. She would blame my friends that i've always wants to go outside. She thinks because of my friends i'm becoming a bad kid. Pfft, it's funny, just because i'm not thinking like her, she said that. She never appreciate me when i got 1st ranking in class, or when i do the right thing. But she always noticed me blamed me when i have my grades down, or i make a mistake. She also says "i better didn't have a kid like you". So do i, i better didnt live if everything that i've done always not enough for you. If suicide is not a sin, i would do that. This is sucks. I want finish my study early. So, i'm not depend on her anymore.
I have a friend who was diagnosed with ADHD. She was also diagnosed with a few other things, which she is supposed to be taking meds for. Well she always forgets to take them, and she blames the ADHD; that's valid, except she's also supposed to take ADHD meds. And she forgets to take those, so it's this whole cycle. But I've offered her SO MANY different tactics and methods to help her remember- because my memory is shit so I shared the things I do or see people do that work- and she shoots them all down. I told her to set an alarm on her phone to remind her. Her response? "If I'm not right next to water, I'll forget what I'm doing by the time I get up to go get the water." So I said to keep a bottle of water on her at all times. "I only like cold water, I can't drink it room temperature." Okay... so I said to leave a brightly colored note on the fridge or the mirror or somewhere she always looks, so if she forgets what she's doing, she'll see the note again and remember. "That will only work once, and then my brain ignores the note and I won't read it." And her biggest argument is "well I usually remember, I just forget if I don't get up and do it right then." THEN GET UP AND TAKE YOUR PILLS, BITCH. I'm sick of listening to her complain about missing doses when she refuses to get up off her ass to take them. I looked at her while she was at my house and said "go take the pills while you're thinking about it." She said "but I just sat down... and they're in my car... I'll get them next time I get up, if I remember." And I said "You're not going to remember, go fucking take your pills" and she said "no... I will... I'm not getting back up right now." UGH! Guess what? She didn't take them. Not until I pestered her several hours later. I'm not her fucking mom. I refuse to baby her like this. She can take my advice or she can stop fucking bitching. I'm done. You're not allowed to bitch about problems you're not willing to fix.