Goddamn fruit flies! I'm ready to skip summer and go straight to fall.
There's no justice in Portugal, my country has the worst judicial system of the West. The politicians that led the country into bankruptcy not only weren't arrested but are still in charge. Same as bankers and CEOs of the biggest companies. They were all in collusion to rip off the tax payers money. What really kills me is that Portugal is the country where bad shit happens and everything stays the same! Also rapists and pedos rarely see jail time because the judge think they deserve a second to be good citizens still.
I hate myself, an unhealthy amount...
This sucks, I like anal more then my boyfriend. After all his bitching, like are you fucking kidding me? He said he loves seeing my ass bounce on his dick but he just wasn't feeling it in the ass, our first time doing anal was last night and mmm, I slept good, I came twice when ever we were experimenting positions lol then he wanted to do anal and then I legit came again haha and know he doesn't want to do anal 😭😭
I dont know what to do. Im losing sleep fighting these nasty ass bed bugs that just dont seem to go away. I treat and I treat and I treat and nothing seems to be working. I feel like ripping my hair out. I dont my family to be eating alive as we sleep. Its disgusting.
The thing I hate most about depression is how it sucks all of the energy and motivation right out of you. It slowly withers away the joy you get from things until you don't enjoy anything anymore. You just feel so exhausted, so tired all the time, so weak and feeble to the point that even standing up out of bed leaves you almost out of breath. It physically affects you, on top of all of the mental bullshit it puts you through, all of the doubt and anxiety and self hatred. The sheer emptiness. The perceived isolation. Being depressed is so much more than just being sad, and I wish people would quit telling people like me to 'just be happy' or to 'get over it'. I wish our parents and roommates would understand when we only have enough energy to do half of the dishes, or when some days it takes everything we have to just make ourselves eat a meal. I wish people realized depression is not just some emo kid with too much eyeliner listening to punk rock and cutting themselves. Depression is a shadow that is always looming, a weight you always bear, a battle you must fight every single day. I wish more people cared about getting mentally ill people actual help and not just throwing them in an asylum or pumping them full of meds. I wish my friends and family saw how hard I try for them, how much I care for them, how terribly I suffer forcing myself to push through for them. And I wish more of them cared.
Sometimes I still think about him, and I hate it. Seeing his warm brown eyes still makes my heart melt. His soft, gentle voice still feels like cool water rushing over me. His enticing scent still evokes memories of messy sheets, of skin on skin, of security and safety being wrapped in his arms. Despite everything, I'm still in love with him, and I hate it.
I have like no friends that I like. I know it's my fault and I should just try to get along with the people that call me a friend but I used to be so nice that I always got walked all over, all the time. So now I am like kinda mean I gues, but I complain about it all the time. But like there's two people that keep trying to chill, but one is alot younger then me and way too immature for me to handle for more then like 30 minutes. I'm realizing as I'm writing this that maybe I'm more immature by not just trying to be friends with them because of kinda minor things, but they irritate me, shouldn't I just try and find some other people that don't annoy me? Haha jokes on me, a lot of fucking things annoy me.
My boyfriend tells me to punch his dick and twist it when he gets irritated. so last night when he said I did it... I am a terrible person.
he's really selfish. he made sure to tell me a sob story about how hes afraid to be cheated on because most of his exes have cheated on him. he's not understanding why i guess. when he stopped caring about bringing anything to the relationship i didn't nag him i didn't argue... i did try to tell him. but he treated my feelings like an annoyance, so that's what his feelings are to me. I've been cheating on him for a month. it's what he deserves.