Why do I ruin everything? My TV and my laptop have all gone to shit because of my stupidity. I was experimenting with them and now I don't have any of both in working order. I've ruined my laptop's graphic card and my TV don't recognize hdmi cable signal anymore.
I'm so fucking pissed tonight just because I remembered something annoying some rando on Internet said X years ago. How the fuck do I always get so worked up
I really hate my mom. If only i'm not a student and i have a job, i would build my own home and living alone without her. She's always force me to do what she wants, all of it must decided by her, since i'm in kindergarten until now which is im 20. I was so happy when i could go for college in out of my town. For the first time i could feel, hangout with my friends at night, doing event until midnight, and im sure if i'm still living with mom for college, i wouldn't have a chance to do that thing. I would spent my young age with those rules of my mom which is so bored. I will have no experience. She doesn't allow me to doing that kind of thing, she thought it's just wasting of time. But, she's always acting kind to all of my friends, they're think my mom is cool although everytime i ask her permission to hangout with my bestfriends when i'm at home, it's so difficult. She would blame my friends that i've always wants to go outside. She thinks because of my friends i'm becoming a bad kid. Pfft, it's funny, just because i'm not thinking like her, she said that. She never appreciate me when i got 1st ranking in class, or when i do the right thing. But she always noticed me blamed me when i have my grades down, or i make a mistake. She also says "i better didn't have a kid like you". So do i, i better didnt live if everything that i've done always not enough for you. If suicide is not a sin, i would do that. This is sucks. I want finish my study early. So, i'm not depend on her anymore.
I have a friend who was diagnosed with ADHD. She was also diagnosed with a few other things, which she is supposed to be taking meds for. Well she always forgets to take them, and she blames the ADHD; that's valid, except she's also supposed to take ADHD meds. And she forgets to take those, so it's this whole cycle. But I've offered her SO MANY different tactics and methods to help her remember- because my memory is shit so I shared the things I do or see people do that work- and she shoots them all down. I told her to set an alarm on her phone to remind her. Her response? "If I'm not right next to water, I'll forget what I'm doing by the time I get up to go get the water." So I said to keep a bottle of water on her at all times. "I only like cold water, I can't drink it room temperature." Okay... so I said to leave a brightly colored note on the fridge or the mirror or somewhere she always looks, so if she forgets what she's doing, she'll see the note again and remember. "That will only work once, and then my brain ignores the note and I won't read it." And her biggest argument is "well I usually remember, I just forget if I don't get up and do it right then." THEN GET UP AND TAKE YOUR PILLS, BITCH. I'm sick of listening to her complain about missing doses when she refuses to get up off her ass to take them. I looked at her while she was at my house and said "go take the pills while you're thinking about it." She said "but I just sat down... and they're in my car... I'll get them next time I get up, if I remember." And I said "You're not going to remember, go fucking take your pills" and she said "no... I will... I'm not getting back up right now." UGH! Guess what? She didn't take them. Not until I pestered her several hours later. I'm not her fucking mom. I refuse to baby her like this. She can take my advice or she can stop fucking bitching. I'm done. You're not allowed to bitch about problems you're not willing to fix.
Why do I feel so ashamed even when nobody can see me? I feel like my worth is defined by what others think, or even might think, of me. I hate being so insecure. I hate myself for being so weak and desperate for approval. If people knew I was like this, nobody would respect me.
My sister still sometimes sends me voice messages on whatsapp even though I've told her that I dislike them....
I'm into this one alternative fashion (not gonna say what it is to avoid giving a bad name to it) and while I love it it's frustrating how shallow some people in the community are. I just saw someone on tumblr shame a fellow fashion enthusiast for not shaving her arms. I was so mad but I couldn't tell them off because I have no account on the site... And besides, no one (minus the Spanish) outside of America even cares about arm hair! And even if they did, you can't just insult people like that.
I play sandbox coloring to lower my anxiety when it's bad and i cant sleep but sometimes it doesnt work can someone reccomend a relaxing game that I can play when my stress levels or anxiety levels are bad
I hope somewhere in the near future i'll grow into the person i've always wanted to be; strong, beautiful, confident, brave, articulate. I've never want anything more. My friends have been forcing me to go out but everytime they ask i would always make an excuse, not only have i been more socially awkward than ever but i've lost every trace of little confidence i had left. I just feel so ugly and so unimportant so i never really looked for an excuse to go out and have fun. I don't ever leave the comforts of my home because when i do i feel like everyone is staring and judging the fuck out of me and so i just stay quiet; i feel like it's always better and safe to stay quiet than to say the wrong things and be loud about it, but i dont know, it's the insecurity talking. Funny thing is, all of my friends are all the things i mentioned; they're all loud and outspoken yet articulate, they're all fucking beautiful but not vain and they're all fucking smart and confident yet too humble to admit it. And to think you should've at least adopted some tricks and tips here and there especially when you have THAT kind of group of friends but in reality it all made it worst. Never have i ever NOT caught myself CONSTANTLY comparing myself to them, never have i ever not try to act like them to be more likeable because i feel like my personality is enough. shit i don't even think i know whaf my personality is, i've never fully been myself and i've never fully felt like i'm walking through life in my own shoes; i always try to fit into someone else's. I feel like im slowly losing myself but i hope i save me soon.
Because I choose the wrong model of smartphone when ordering I now have to pay an extra 70 euros. The online store won't give me my money back. So now I'll have a 200 euros expense. It's a great model but I'm not that well financially to make such an expensive purchase.