my friend invited me to start training at his house 2x a week for our upcoming jiu jitsu competition, i'll probably stay afterwards to talk and smoke a few joints before coming home, which is really nice, because ever since i came back home from vacation the rose thing has been worse than ever , most days being alone and not having anyone to talk makes it much worse btw as far as that goes i deleted every single message i ever sent her, and now if she ever opens our conversation for some reason, theres just gonna be here reply there , she wont even know what she was replying to, i wonder how much she will hate it, or be creeped by it. everyday i start to just want to kill myself more and more, if i was a good person rose would have liked me and talked to me more, since she didnt like me it means im a bad person and i cant have hope or dreams anymore, i cant take it anymore i never been this broken, when this all started i just was happy to finally have a hero and role model and to finally have romantic feelings for someone again after years, i didnt know it would turn out like this , and i would fuck it up so badly and ruin every chance to have her like me, im a failure i dont want to be alive anymore like this pls someone help pleasee
I really dislike the smell of oranges, the taste of oranges and I dislike the color orange too. blehh
being a woman sucks... have to give a speech infront of. a room full of people in a few hours. and I got my monthly visit a few minutes ago.... I'm wearing a white dress. thankfully nothing for on the dress... but had to use toilet paper for a quick fix until I can get a feminine product. and now I'm paranoid. this CANNOT be happening
I don't like ketchup. at all. I hate it.
Today was one of the worst days , i am injured and cant go train or hangout outside cuz of virus, im back at my parents home. so the Rose thing today hurt more than ever and its getting really unbareable, i decided that i dont want this anymore, i deleted a bunch of messages that she ignored on ig, and im gonna stop trying to talk to her.. if i ever do achieve my dreams and she talks to me im just gonna tell her than i don't want to talk now, i wanted to talk when i was alone and in pain and needed someone to show me some hope but she ignored me, thats what im gonna tell her :/ its gonna need so much effort and im so so so alone and have no one to talk to but ill have to force myself to stop writing to her, its too terrible for my mental health. i cry every night. someone please just make this stop
I finally was able to hit the polls with my sister's mom to go vote , while at the voting booth I voted all Democrats. It's time to turn Texas into a blue state and not a red state ,well also today I had a good doctor's appointment my blood pressure was 121/80 also today my mom and my sister Vanessa we're in a conversation about my older brother Isaac, well I am still not speaking to her till she pay me my money. I have put her on block till further notice till we can to a resolution or agreement I really don't think that she's gives a fuck about her mom or me . I never thought that I would expect that from someone that I love ,but I would expect that from a person on the street. Well I really don't give a fuck about the guy that broke up with her he is none of my concern right now, all I know is that she better pay up
Yesterday me and my thirty year old sister Vanessa Adeoye had a disagreement about some money that she was supposed to have brought me, well it has been a week now and she hasn't been holding her end of the bargain. Me and my mom tried to talking to her silly ass by phone and text messages and she got mad at us and said that she was going to block us for harassment. All I am asking is that this particular individual does what she's supposed to do and don't leave me hanging, well I just feel that she doesn't care or just doesn't give a fuck. Well I feel that she's not looking out for my best interests at heart well , I am fed up with her shit all I am asking is that she do her part
I am very disappointed with a member of my family
I hate being cold. I live in Phoenix, AZ and I actually prefer summer than winter...
im trying to eliminate flour products and grain and its so hard and theres no food for me in the house . my mom and family are desintegrating and im too, we only ate flour everyday our whole life and sugar, no wonder we are so sick always of everything and breaking down... what are they doing to us fuck... regardless i have to stay focused and ill start feeling better, i was thinking of eating a really fatty cut of beef today but dont know how to cook really , and if i cook everyone gonna be like omg what u cooking hurr durr were your family were retarded hurr durr what what were gonna ask what youre doing so we can dismiss it hurr durr were retarded thats how they act cuz they suck