*^*^*^^*^WORLD FUCKING EXPLODED*^*^*^*^* I just found out my whole relationship with my boyfriend started because I asked him in Target, if we were a thing or just messing around. I just found out that his answer was made because he felt awkward and didn't know what to say, so he said we were a thing. He has gone to fucking Christian church with me and my family and hes a fucking satanist. oh my god!!!!!! so many fucking things!!!!
I hate myself, for many reasons lol but mostly for this.. I love my boyfriend and I want to give him everything he wants, but like when he wants to go out with friends, I really want him to go and have fun but then I get stuck at the apartment all by myself, and like ik it's kinda my fault because I don't like alot of people... but ugh.. idk I feel dumb and childish.
Is it bad that me and my boyfriend fight alot, but then like 10 minutes later, make up..?? Like legit we do that same routine at least 2 to 3 times like every other week, almost...
Sometimes I hate my relationship, but we have a kid together so I try and make it work, because I feel like if I leave him that, he's really going to go done the drain, like real bad. It's not like we hate each other, it's just that we went to fast at the beginning of our relationship, and we are both so mentally broken, that we honestly can't handle a normal situation like normally haha so is it still bad to stay together..?
I don't experience body dysphoria very often, but today, the whole period thing and bra thing just... really upset me. I wish body parts were detachable and interchangeable, like those Monster High dolls that used to be so popular.
I just want him out of my house...
I have been raped by my brother, father, uncle, and several foster kids that were staying with us. I have never told anyone about anyone but my brother, because when I finally got the courage, my whole family shamed me, saying I let him, because I am unholy and destined to burn in hell for what "I let him do to me"
I masturbate sometimes to my husband's brothers, and I tell my husband the things I want to do with them, but I settle for him.
A guy that tried to sneak the condom off during sex just told me he supports the abortion ban and that women "should just keep their legs shut" if they don't want kids. I can't handle this crap. (The only reason we're still in contact is because we're now coworkers. Otherwise that pos would be out of my life.)
Ok so my step father is a deadbeat asshole and my mother is constantly mad at him. She won't leave him though because she would be alone and won't find another man at her age. She's also fat, ugly and has a temper. Sometimes I just hate them both for always arguing for the dumbest shit.