When my parents say things like ''im hoping that you will decide to change your life soon'' and other idiot shit like that, i stop everything that im doing, it removes all my motivation. its being told to do something when you're already doing it, and my bitch ass dad thinks he is clever, he thinks i don't know my own life. i hope he dies
I don't know if whats happening to me right now is result of my specific career choices or if it is life's inescapable tendency for tragedy. should i continue holding on to this faint sense of hope or should i just try to be safe? being safe isn't going anywhere, no one i admire did it, i know i won't find love that way, but is life really just this? it's like it's nothing and we're only worth what we create or do, should i just accept it that my art will kill me so i can be a real artist, like my hero?
so no one thinks I'm good enough to love but me and the Lord *cries in 6 languages*😭😭✨🙏🙏
I believe all feminist women are toxic and inherently evil, and the effects of them leading such existence is making all of humanity suffer more than necessary
January felt like a whole ass year tbfh
For as long as I can remember, I have always had a toxic relationship with my mother, even as a little kid. For these past few years, it got to the point where she was making me feel suicidal sometimes. I wish I could cut her lose. I wish I could let her go. I wish I could move on with my life without her in it....but she is still my mother.....and that is what is keeping me tied to her while I slowly suffocate from it until it pushes me to edge again.
i feel like its a trend to be lesbian nowadays. no disrespect to the ones who are actually lesbians, i'm talking about the ones who makes out with other girls on Instagram to get clout or some shit. Like it just looks stupid
I'm focused. Bitches wit no direction will fuck your life up.
I secretly really fucking hate interracial couples, it's evil.
I don't think that I belong here in this world... often when I'm home alone or when I'm out, I think of the many ways that I could die. I hate myself to the extend of me thinking about every way possible of making my death quick and it afterwards being impossible to revive myself. Every day when I have to go out, I hope that I get hit by a car/bus. I just hope that a dumb driver isn't wathing the road and they accidentally hit me. I sometimes have to cross train tracks on my way home and every time I have to cross them, I just stand there, quiet, for about 5-10 minutes, hoping a train just randomly comes around and hits me. I live in a small village and the trains aren't always on time when they pass by our village. So I sometimes hope to be standing there and suddenly be swept away by the train. I just don't want to be alive anymore. I've grown to hate everything that made me happy once and I only fight with my relatives. I have the feeling that I'm more of a burden to them than they say. I think that I'm only doing things wrong and that everyone would be better off without me. I lost contact to almost all my friends, I don't have any real life friends that live close by. My friends are scattered all around the world and I know I will never get to see them. I know that my "friends" in school talk about me behind my back and they secretly make fun of me. I know that I'm not the prettiest. My self hate is killing me slowly from the inside. I know that I'm fat, ugly, lazy, moody and a lot more, but I've fallen into a deep hole of sadness and it's eating me up. I can't seem to get out of it and it scares me.... my mom wants to talk about it with me and she is super understanding, but when I try and tell her about it she is projecting it on her in the sense of what she would do and what would be best if she would be in my place. I told her that I have an appointment with a psychologist to talk about it, she understood. I went ahead afterwards and roughly told my mom what we talked about in the session, she told me that I should have talked about other things with my psychologist. She then asks me about a week later why I'm so moody and sad and why I'm not talking about it with her. I sometimes get the feeling that I'm not loved anymore. I often think that I and many others would be better off if I was dead. The only thing that keeps me here, is my boyfriend. He gives me the feeling of being completely loved and cared for. He tells me that I'm perfect in his eyes, with my flaws and all. He is there for me when I'm feeling down or when I'm crying. He is somewhat the only person that understands me and only the thought of losing him makes me cry. I love him so much because he is the one person that stands behind me no matter what I do. But I'm afraid that I'm going to loose him too eventually.... like everyone else. I just don't know what I'm doing here anymore.....