For everyone with depression... please keep fighting it. You can achieve happiness, and it will be worth it even if it takes a long time. And if you feel tired, it's okay to slow down. It's okay to take a long time to get better - I did, too, with seven years. It's like they say - crawl if you're too weak to walk, but don't stop. As long as you don't give up, you can get better. I hope this is not too terribly cliche, but it's kind of what I wanted to hear last year.
it's hard loving someone who doesn't even exist anymore
EXPLICIT I want Franziska von Karma to sit on my face and tell me how gross I am
I crave affection. I couldn't care less about sex, but I so badly need someone to lay next to, someone to hold, someone to kiss and touch. Someone to hold hands with. Someone to smile about. Someone to love.
Okay. AGAI1N. That feeling i thought had faded or maybe buried at least. But whenever i see him getting cosy with other girls or i dont know that feeling comes alive again. Leo i dont wanna love you. No not at all. But i cant help my feeling. Why. why am i hurt by your little things, little actions. AGAIN. Just like the past. I was soo happy i thought i kind of "moved on". I dont wanna betray Jeremy cos he loves me sooooo much. And someone who gives away that much love doesnt deserve betrayal. But I cant help it when i see u. And u ignoring me is fucking worst. I tried to hate u. Made fun of u to convince myself and it kind of works too but later something again brings back the affection. I dont wanna go mad. I cant bear ur ignorance. I just wish u would talk to me in a good way. Dont bring those sex and lust things up. U might take it as ajoke but i get hurt i dont know i think u just take me like one of those girls.... like whos into sex.... just becos of those things i am wherei am today. In despair. And i hate to be here. I really dont know u. How u are. and i regret showing u what i really am me. Trusting u. Getting naked. Whole Body and soul. So i will never let myself show up as weak in front of u because i just think u would FEEL like winning. U successfully made a girl madly in love but no u arent gonna love back cos u have sooo much of pride. I cant be vulnerable and weak in front of u now becos u would take pity on me but do nothing else. Poor girl. Right. I dont know i have prayed thousands times to make me out of love from u but No. God had never fucking listened to any of my prayers and will never too. I am so hurt. So broke. I cant sort out my life. I hate u but i love u too. My mind just revolves round ur name. The day when u guys went to Lake Hills Valley it's okay u didnt call me maybe there was not much room in the car or if thats not the case i would find another reason to convince myself. That day i asked u to get my charger from my workplace. Maybe thats a bit much to ask for but i was soo seriously sick that i thought icould die any moment. And my phone was on deadpoint. I thought u have got a car maybe u could drive to maccas and get my charger and eat something for urself. Its barely 15 min drive.from city. and u live close to me so i had asked u. I know its too much but i dont know why i trusted u would bring it and even though u couldn't hand me my phone being dead u might have taken it with u. But No. I was sooo eager to see ur reply but my phone was switched off. Then Jeremy brought me charger the next day... he cares for me a lot. I hate to see that. I wish that had been u. Then switched on my phone just to see ur clearly uninterested message" we didnt came that way". Okay... okay.. so hurting. Nothing else..not how are u. Nothing. Leo i think these feelings for u that i had tried so hard to bury for the past months resurfaced becos of me being siick. I wasss sooo siick oh my god. I needed LOVE. I needed care. I needed someones hand on me head. Ur hand. I needed u. I have missed u sooo much and still am. That your Lake Hills trip night i had just assumed or wished u would get my charger and txt me u r outside my house. U would be alone in the car and u would see me how how bloody damn weak and vulnerable and needy i was and u know.thers no one here to care me.then i just let my imagination go on. I wished u would see me in that state and not feel pity but love the friend kind of love and u would invite me to ur house i would deny it u would insist and then again i would deny it wishing u to insist again so that i could agree this time and indeed u would insist again and i would agree. I would put a calm face but my heart would be exploding and beating like something disaster something electric has flown through me. I would be happy. Then u would take me to ur home and take care of me so damn good and love me and not fuck me please. I know right such a perfect imagination. Too good to be true for me. I wish u would fall in love with me. I wish u would see the good side of me. Not a day goes by when my brain doesnt say your name once. I suppose there is no u and me. No us right in this world. But see how good it sounds. I just think our name sounds almostsame we both have like ish sound in our initials hhaha. Okay enough. reminiscing how u were with me months ago just makes me fall for u deeper today so i dont wanna remember cos im trying to distant myself from u. But whenever i see u even when we are not in good terms for a split.moment what i imagine i wish i could jump and hug you then u would catch me and kiss me. Then snap! back to reality. U just standing infront of me i probably be looking like a fool.. i love when u smile becos of me.. that smile Do u remember i ask to.change your lockscreen / wallpaper i forgot and u had changed it. I wish its still the same. Even though im not the reason for u letting it stay the same but it would make.me happy that you still have that same wallpaper/lockscreen. My heart whispers everytime please love me but i drown that voice myself with my loud No. I love when you put your arms around my neck. U had done it couple of times. in the past of course. But now im not gonna be weak infront of u. I will fight u Leo. I will keep u away from my heart from my mind. When i close my eyes i remember u kissing my cheeks, my lips, and huggging me tight on our naked body. Tight soo tight. Such a "too perfect" moments. I still wish but NO I DONT WISH. Leo. I remember every thing that u have done for me. In the past.... u have taken care of me so well. But why did we part. How. U just pushed me away. I have missed u ever since then. Every single day. I have still lot on my mind. But i dont wanna let it out. It just makes more hard for me to get away from u.
I am married with kids but desire another woman who has confessed love for me, I don't want to leave my wife as I love her but can't stop thinking about the other woman. After years of doing the right thing I just want to be bad.
Sometimes I still think about him, and I hate it. Seeing his warm brown eyes still makes my heart melt. His soft, gentle voice still feels like cool water rushing over me. His enticing scent still evokes memories of messy sheets, of skin on skin, of security and safety being wrapped in his arms. Despite everything, I'm still in love with him, and I hate it.
I have like no friends that I like. I know it's my fault and I should just try to get along with the people that call me a friend but I used to be so nice that I always got walked all over, all the time. So now I am like kinda mean I gues, but I complain about it all the time. But like there's two people that keep trying to chill, but one is alot younger then me and way too immature for me to handle for more then like 30 minutes. I'm realizing as I'm writing this that maybe I'm more immature by not just trying to be friends with them because of kinda minor things, but they irritate me, shouldn't I just try and find some other people that don't annoy me? Haha jokes on me, a lot of fucking things annoy me.
I don't know why but I have a huge thing for my teacher. I enjoy seeing him everyday and he has made my parents divorce better and he believes in what I can do but since the first day I just fell for him
Everyone thinks the reason I'm scared for my boyfriend joining the Marines is because I don't want him to get shot and like die, but honestly I know he knows how to handle. himself, the real reason because he wants to get married before he joins, but I'm absolutely terrified and I told him this and he didn't say anything...