Today, I'm gonna break up with my fiancee because every time we try to get married or set a date, something happens. I'm taking it as a sign that we aren't meant to be together.
it's happening....im going through the same stuff i went through with my ex and it's breaking me.i had a mini pannick attack and almost there up.i can't go through this again. I'm going to break up and leave. I deserve someone who loves me and cherishes me not someone who loves everyone and abuses me and my love.i just hate the fact that this is someone I opened my heart to that did this to me .it hurts so much more. he's all I had and idk what to do anymore. I can no longer trust anyone. I feel like absolute crap. I just wanna bury myself in a hole. why am I so unlovable? I feel like absolute filth. maybe I should just be a whore....at least they get loved and someone always falls for them. idk what to do im feeling sick to my stomach and I can't eat anything and can barely sleep.
I think this guy likes me, but I'm honestly not sure. I mean, he has a girlfriend. But he's so nice to me when he's kind of a dick to almost everyone else. He gives me genuine advice and compliments. He still teases me, but that's how we joke around with each other. I consider him a friend. Is this just friendly behavior? Does he like me as something more? Sometimes I wish I wasn't so socially inept. I've never been good with these things.
Wish I could prove I love you... But does that mean i have to walk on water?
Im interested in people and be friends with them just because I love listening to their stories, their point of view and their thoughts. But they dont interest me because I look intimidating and creepy by look because I always have a resting bitch face. I wnted to smile but they dont smile so it be awkward. Plus im very shy. And I dont know I never made friends yet in college. And my loneliness adds up to my facial expression.
I have a busy week ahead, I keep thinking about Reylo stuff. I just thought of it a minute ago and felt like crying they are so beautiful together. :)
I am not sexually attracted to my boyfriend. The first years of our relationship, I thought that we were never having sex because both him and I were too awkward about the whole sex thing. Now, my boyfriend is over this, and thinks that I never want it because my sex drive is low. It isn't. It's quite high, actually, I just don't get aroused by him more than by a lamp or chair. So not at all. I never have been. And that's why I think the so very cherished idea of "falling in love with character, not looks" is bullshit. If you're not also physically attracted, your relationship will eventually be in a dark pit. I have no idea how to fix this. Breaking up seems like the most horrible thing that could happen to me, I love him so much...
Since I am in a relationship and often hang out with my boyfriend's male friends, who practically treat me like "one of the boys" (meaning they don't try to be extra nice or change character in front of me), I learned so much about men that I now feel bad for all girls. And before any guy on here feels attacked, I of course know that not everyone is like that. But seeing that even guys who I always thought were so nice and mature and gentleman-like, share nudes of their girls in huge whatsapp group chats (talking about 200 members here), make plans on how to grab some girl's ass and making it look like an accident, lie to them to get them laid or tell each other how good or bad someone is in bed... I don't think I could ever trust a man I don't fully know ever again.
I hate my family so much I feel like once I got a job im going to cut all ties and just live my life someplace else. Reason being I don't think they really care as much as they said they do as a family. Whenever someone have a bad or an emotional day, I always try to be there to hear their problems. Sometimes they got sidetracked from the original problem till it even got as much as them getting angry at or ridiculing me for my own way of life example is, my opinion on staying single because all my relationship have been toxic so far so Im going to do things I like and not look for any suitors so maybe ill find a better relationship while im doing it. In the end i need to say sorry and say my choices in life is bad and all. Jumping to the present day, Im having a bad day so I kinda hoped that one of them would atleast ask me how I am or whatever. To start things off they acted like I dont even exist (not looking at me, ignore my "hey" or acted like they didnt hear what i said) and to make it even harder I heard them whispering to each other to ignore me because im having a bad day and I will only get angry instead. Well im angry now and felt very betrayed. I dont think these guys are worth it now...
So my long-distance girlfriend is finally on her way to come see me. I don't know how to tell her that I don't want her anymore.