I have a family, parents, aunts, uncles, a boyfriend. Yet I feel so lonely. Everyone is interested only in their own needs and wants. I might be an idealist or a fool. Either way I feel like I don't belong in this world. I am getting scary thoughts. I just needed to get this out into the world. I want to know if there are people in the world who genuinely care and support others when someone is clearly struggling.
I was out drinking at the nightclub I usually go to. At some point that night I find myself with a friend, that I dont really talk to, but we know eachother. Now it still feels like all a blur. I cant remember if it was flirting or me just talking about random stuff. I'm fairly certain it was the outfit that caught his eye. 10+ drinks in me, I was drunk, I could barely walk, my words were slurred. I find myself cuddling up to my friend. Then out of no where he kisses me. After cuddling for sometime, I get up out of nowhere to sprint to the toilet. To vomit. About 3 steps later its done, too late. Ive vomitted. (side note: surprised I wasnt kicked out after that.) After that I remember having a dart, thinking I dont want to walk home alone. I was mostly just wanting someone to walk with me, but my friend wasnt actually drinking, and was able to drop me off. I spent 2 hours outside of my house after closing time, in his car, making out, (was really surprised since vomit breath). And things were escalating. My neck, my breasts, my theighs covered in hickeys. In my head was running, "I dont want to have sex." From how rough this guy was, I remember my legs shaking. And in my heart, I know it wasnt the cold. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time, and tell him, please dont put my seat back. Because after tearing apart my fishnets, gliding a knife along my skin, and I didnt know if I was ready for this. Now theres clear access. And I had no intentions, and Ive never found myself in a situation like this. Ive had a similar story but that much longer and complicateder. The main connections are me saying no. Letting it happen, even though I'd rather not. And I didnt think it was going to happen, because I had been drinking, but it happened anyways. idk if I felt trapped, but I didnt try either way. fucking me in the most awkward position and sucking on my neck like a vampire. I notice someone literally walk right past the car on the road, I said something and he practically shaked it off as nothing. Now what I cant get off my mind is consent. Is what we did okay? Because a general rule is no. But sometimes I find myself losing my voice when I am very vulnerable. Idk if this is technically classified as rape or not. But it just leaves a burning image on my mind of him.
Having conservative Filipino family is hard sometimes. Like I have a boyfriend and yeah it make sense to hold his hands and hug him and even kiss him. But to my family it's a disgrace to do those because we've only been dating for one month. Like what am I suppose to do with my boyfriend then? Stare at him from afar?
I had a sex dream about a friend today. Not just any friend - I've known her longer than I've known my own girlfriend. She had a thing for me back when we started talking, but it wasn't mutual. At the time, my heart ached over my separation with my first love. Since I moved on from that, there's been more women who never really pinned me down like the first. This old friend of mine and I had a silent phase, I think because she was hurting. We've been talking again, though, but I've found someone who's got me pinned harder than I've ever been. She's amazing. And here I am, finally attracted to the one I denied for years. Funny how life works. It doesn't compete with my feelings for my girlfriend, though. I never said the words to anyone, including her, but I think I'm in love. Oh, life.
I broke up with my abusive ex nearly 5 months ago and hes been harassing me almost daily. I've had to block at least 4 different phone numbers and emails and today he emailed me from his brothers email saying if I get a restraining order against him hell tell that my parents are undocumented. Help?
God forgive me for saying this but I don't want to deal with my mum's bullshit anymore. I'm done. It's NOT a phase, I meant it when I said it. I mean I love her and all she's still my mum but she can be too much to bear sometimes, it makes it harder than it already is to love her. I actually wish it was only me that feels this way. The longer I stay with her the worse it gets. I don't even care if I come to regret this later on but it needs to be said; I. DON'T. CARE. WHAT. HAPPENS. TO. HER.
I cheated on my boyfriend for a black guy. I don't regret it and will continue to do so.
My boyfriend's bestfriend is gay. He did told me once he was chasing her before until she came out gay. His bestie have a gf, but tbh, I kinda get jealous sometimes on the way they talk. I mean they're even moving to another state and live together as roomates. And idk why I'm jealous when I shouldn't be. They know each other for so long, they had a bond and I can't make him talk to her less because it's so selfish of me to do that. I can't see him sad and eventually start to dislike me because I'm isolating him to his friends. I can't do that to him. Plus our relationship is still new and if I'd be on his shoes, I'd choose my friends who I had bonded long with, over some girl who I just met off dating app and later decided to be steady with. And tbh, I try my best to make him live his life the way it is, I try not to see him everyday (only text him) because I don't want his life to revolve only around me. And that goes for me as well. I have work, school, and hobbies. Although I'm desperately in need of friends. Sometimes I think about it, maybe I feel jealous because I don't really have friends. I still do have so many baggages from the past and I have recently worked on that when I met him. My depression, anxiety, insecurities, lies, and acceptance. I have recently worked them off as why I'm now ready to make some friends. It took me 8 years to work on my problems too. But now this jealousy, it's so new to me and I'm scared that I should've started relationships with him in the first place. I could've worked on myself first. And regrets... Having it less in my life is what I'm lacking. I also lack descisiveness...
I don't have a group of friends or close friends. I'm mostly alone and I don't connect to people easily. My boyfriend on the otherhand has many friends. Pretty social guy and I'm honestly insecure and jealous of his social life.
So, broke up with my girlfriend not too long ago, because she realised she didnt care for me in the same way I cared for her, and she had feelings for my best friend, I know my best friend also has feelings for her. Long story short they are secretly dating thinking I dont know, she sends him nudes and pics of herself in various stages of undress, and due to a moment of weakness on my part I went round to the friends house last night, and heard/saw them fucking.