Do you actually love me? do you even know what love is
So I've been with my boyfriend for about 6 months or so now and it's going really great! He is honestly a great person and I definitely feel like I love him...but, my mind keeps bringing me back to other sexual experiences I had or could've had. Like I keep thinking about this girl that I was talking to when I first got together with my bf. She and I both knew nothing serious would ever come out of it but I think we were both looking to try something new, we just never got the chance. Or this guy that was consistently my drunken hookup for several months. He's not exactly relationship material, but damn the sex was good! I never act on these thoughts or anything cause I really don't want to ruin what I have with the bf, but sometimes that person/sex with them is in my head all day long. It's like my head and my heart are going in one direction but the rest of my body is going the other way.
I'm incapable of having a relationship.
i am studying abroad and just the day that all people were leaving home for christmas, i kissed a girl i really like for the first time. i will only see her again after new year and i am kinda scared that i will bore her off until we would meet again.
I moved abroad about a year and a half ago and since then, and apart from wishing me a happy birthday one of my friends has not reached out to me the entire time and I haven't see her since. Within the first half a year or so of moving, when I would visit back home I'd ask her to hang out. I did this a couple of times but she's always had a reason not to and for the entire time since I've moved has never messaged me first apart from to wish me a happy birthday. So for the past year or so I've only reached out to her to wish her a happy birthday in return. I'm back in my home country for Xmas this year should I try asking her to hang out again or is the friendship over? I don't know.
i played a concert some while ago. a girl that was there invited me for shots afterwards and took my hand to lead me to the dancefloor. we danced a while. she was really cute and later that evening she asked me to go out for drinks someday. i agreed and so meet a couple of days later. we both had been a bit tipsy that evening and basically we just danced that evening and didnt talk. seeing her the other day, she was more shy. she talked about herself most of the time, but still it was a nice talk. after our second beer she started to talk about how unfair it is, that women have a really hard time to orgasm, especially when the guy doesnt last that long. she told me a lot about taking drugs since age 13 and about taking the day after pill. also she told me that sex is ways better when beeing high. i didnt date a lot before so i didnt immediately realized, how much i was intimidated by beeing so open about such topics. finally wrote her today how i really felt about the date.
my only friend got rejected again. and because i am an overthinking dumbass, i noticed some little details that i think are weird. so first, all the girls he hung out with or showed strong interest in him got into a relationship shortly after they called him off. All this time they were seeing each other, posted pictures of themselves on social media, they had something going on with someone else in the background. You see, people can do whatever the fuck floats their goat, but to me thats kinda confusing and a bit disappointing. Seems to me like all people just want someone, not THE one. second: I dont like the way he deals with it. he acts like they owe him something. The friendzone isnt real. And even if, its not real friendship if you had expectations about hookin up. He says it doesnt bother him, but i think it kinda does.
I think that I like boyish women with short hair because they look like, well, boys. I'm not sure that I'm straight, bisexual seems more like it. I'm a dude.
I will not use an online dating site, ever again.
I'm sick of porn, I want and need a real woman.