At this point in time, I thought I would have accomplished something. Instead I got a chronical disease and had to drop out of school. Now I'm well enough to start a job, but the thing is that for the last five years I was so busy fighting to get better that I don't even know who I am anymore. I don't know what I want to do with my life, except for writing, and since I can't live off that, I honestly have no idea what the hell I'm going to do. I tried to get back into school, but none of them would take me because of my sickness. One accepted me for a day, and ran it by the principal a little late so that i got thrown out the day after I was accepted and had told everyone by then, because I was so happy. What if I finally apply for jobs, and none of them will take me because I'm sick? It's not like I'm disabled or something. I'm just in pain most of the time. People don't even notice. Sure I get attacks every few months for a few days, but I'm finally better, and all people do is telling me I'm still not good enough. I'm trying to finally become independent, we don't have the money to keep feeding me while I do nothing. But every job that would take me are those that would trigger my condition. I think I will go crazy if I don't do something soon.
It's midnight right now and I'm lying next to my boyfriend, who I will break up with tomorrow. Today he did something that I can't get over, but he's too drunk right now to have a conversation and I don't know how to get home (busses don't drive at night). It's a very strange situation and I have no idea if I can even fall asleep. I am not even crying because it's such an absurdly horrible situation that I can't believe it's really happening.
Are you giving up on me? Don't you want to try something first, even if we're far, just to see?
I'm in my 20s and I'm fat. I'm a little over 300 pounds. I've learned over the years that it doesn't matter how nice, fun, or friendly of a guy you are if you're fat. if you are fat you are automatically rejected by every girl before even thinking of asking them out. The few girls that aren't shallow are already taken buy bigger guys that were lucky enough to catch them when they were single.
I've only said I love you and truly meant it to 5 women in my life that I wasn't related to. 3 of them I met online and never seen in person. 1 I loved so much that I got her pregnant on purpose and 1 is still one of my best friends to this day but we're not compatible with each other outside the bedroom... maybe I should try online dating again lol
I'm angry and depressed right and I want to masturbate sooo fucking bad just to cool myself down.
I cried it out. I feel a little better. Now I've got to occupy my time, with something positive.
I'm tired of my life and everything. sucky job,Bill's after bills...ugh my current job cut my work hours drastically and I've been applying literally everywhere but no luck. rents almost due,bills,etc and I'm just completely stressed out.
I'm sick of dates. i just wanna hang out with someone knowing that we're going back to our own house. I'm tired of wondering. where's my husbaaaaand please show up please.
My friends hate my taste in music as it consists of primarily metal but its the only genre that takes the thoughts and pain away...