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I am underweight now. I've always been skinny but healthy, until now. I know it's because I almost don't eat lately - I eat only a little amount, or skip meals, some days I literally only eat an apple for dinner or a chocolate bar, nothing else. I don't do it on PURPOSE. I don't WANT to be thin. In fact, I'd love to be more chubby. I just forget to eat because I'm not hungry. I don't have set eating times due to my schedule, so I usually eat when I'm feeling hungry. But I never feel so lately. Or only sometimes, if a whole day without food has passed. And even then I can only eat a children's portion. I am terribly afraid, because I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't want to go to a doctor, they'll just think I'm anorexic, which I'm not. I don't WANT to be thin after all.

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I want to kill myself. But if I did, my family would be sad so no. Fuck, I should be grateful that I even have a family. They're so kind. But why do I still feel empty. Are feelings an illusion that doesn't matter? I don't know that at all, I'm just really ashamed.

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  • hey I never gives tips to people on this site because it's just about listening here and be empathetic, but this time I want to help, if I may. I write this because I can relate 100% to what you said, I have gone through this. two months ago I started to meditate, and it's giving my life a whole new perspective on things. basically yes, feelings are not real, so don't put yourself down because what the mind creates are just illusions. we have been conditioned so much from the society and from our personal histories that we have completely forgotten who we are in reality. our minds always live either in the past, or projecting into the future. with meditation, you start living again in the present, just like everyone of us did when we were happy little kids. in the present problems don't exist, only life is. this is not just stupid and meaningless theory...just try it!! and if you don't, just don't put yourself so down because it's all just an illusion....the mind creates illusions, and we believe them!! with love,

  • man up

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I miss my math teacher in junior high school :(

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35 yr old male, never even had a first kiss let alone a girlfriend.

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  • Did your face get burned off in a fire?

  • Out of curiosity, how big is your penis

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But I already knew the answer. I just didn't want to accept it.

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I'm having social anxiety. I'm tired so tired I don't know if I can do this anymore.

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  • You can, if you are willing to drag yourself out from that feeling. Do not hesitate to reach out for help if it's needed. Start out by doing something simple, call someone, invite someone close to to come to ur place,go out buy something, push urself for little chit chat. It will be hard first, but as you do more, your social anxiety will lessen.

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this world doesn't want me, this world doesn't needs me

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I'm mean and judgmental and I find stupid reasons to justify lashing out at people. I have to change my behavior.

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  • First step is admitting it, so there ya go.

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I'm so jealous of pretty girls. You can get smart by reading books but when you're ugly, you have to fix it by going under the knife.

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  • You can't really get smart just by reading books... intellihence is partly set by genes

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I've never been so close to driving the edge of the blade into my skin.... It's been years...

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