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I don't know why I watch porn, i like women sexually but I'm also a misanthrope

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I still look at women when I'm not at home but it's nothing like before. I want to have sex with some but that's it, I don't want to know them. Even if could get past my fear of talking to women I don't want them to know me cause I'm a retard and an asshole. People that know me well are aware of this. One of my female friends (she had a thing for me in the past) asked me once why I didn't had a gf which I replied that I don't want one because I don't want to drag anyone with me as I go into a downward spiral. Believe me when I tell you all that my life is going nowhere and I'm likely to disgrace myself rather than improve it even the slightest bit.

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You think it's easy being me? I'm a disfuncional adult, never had a girlfriend or sex, had friends but pissed all of them and only three talk to me now (I hate one of them btw), can't drive because of my anxiety, can't get a job because of anxiety and the of not belonging anywhere. That's right: I am an outcast, a pariah and always have been since I can remember.

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Well i like a man who's married. Im very irritated that I cant let go. Well I distance myself from him to avoid jeopardizing his relationship to his wife. I adviced him to not pursue a relationship with me at all even though he knows it was hard between us .... I told him to just be friends with me and move on. So yeah im was single on valentines day... but im imagining somehow how he was treating his wife right now... oddly im thinking of their nice date...

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  • In time, you'll move on. Just remember that if he would cheat FOR you, he would cheat ON you.

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I'm doing two things I shouldn't. One is eating a lot of crappy unhealthy food (I'm diabetic). The other is that I spend money I shouldn't on sport bets and scratch lotteries.

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  • I'm sure these things are coping mechanisms for stress. I recommend getting help if you can, to assist you in finding productive, healthy coping mechanisms that don't involves self destruction.

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I'm so sick and tired of porn. I can't cum with a satisfying orgasm anymore. And somehow lost interest in women too. OK so the last bit is not set in stone but i've been alone all my life and can't miss a women's company because I never had it.

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  • Maybe instead of watching porn you should go look for a woman,

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I feel like what sucks is there’s not enough awareness given to ceberal palsy and people just focus on the other disorders which is great don’t get me wrong but people with cp struggle too there’s no movies or tv shows to spread awareness either

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  • I'm not against your point, but I mean... they can't make a blockbuster about every illness there is.

  • Lesser for mines.. Spina Bifida

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Mozart’s music is particularly difficult to perform. His admirable clarity exacts absolute cleanness; the slightest mistake in it stands out like black on white. It is music in which all the notes must be heard.

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sometimes i throw up after i eat a lot of food. i just want to be beautiful and loved.

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  • That won't make you beautiful or loved. Please get help

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I am sorry. I would block you but if I did you would think that you had won and that your occasional vaguebooking got under my skin...

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