I hope alternate universe do exists. I wonder if the other me out there happier than me here...
Yesterday, before I slept, I cried(because I pray for everyone)...then I fall asleep...till I was dreaming about my ex talk to me :'),,,afterthat dreaming about the person who really likes me but I reject him just being friend.
My friend jokingly said this to me.. "dont think about suicide when ure home alone". she didnt know that I have suicide thoughts.. but honestly her words help me a little : )
I want to learn dancing but i feel extremely intimidated about going to the school and i feel like no one would like me and they would be mean to me and that im dont fit in and i feel like i'm old also im 24 do you guys feel like that would happen i'm introverted but i try to smile a lot so ppl know its fine, because sometimes i feel like people think im scary or have a mean face. actually my family always tries to make me think that its one of the type of bullying that they do they really upset me a lot
i feel like people front like they care about me but genuinely dont.
Sick of crying. ...,........
I love Rose Namajunas so bad that it hurts and it's been more than a year now and i only like her more instead of less and everyday i feel worse about it and try to make it go away
I can't forget the experience at the gym where I made a mistake while doing a yoga demo with a teacher, I dropped her. :(
I got my brain injured in my sport and i had some time to think and i realize this is all i know and love, i have nothing else to do and i will not ever have anything i dream of without my sport. i feel like i have no way out but to keep going and pay the price when i'm old or become mediocre and give up on everything i dreamed when i started this its because i wanted to have friends and be part of something, and because i was inspired by a hero of mine, but now i feel like no matter how much i'm trying it feels like i'm running but stuck in place. in the coming months i have to make the decision to go back to training, and i don't know what might happen, the doctors said i'm fine but i don't feel fine, i don't want to die or become sick, i just wanted to enjoy life more , i am just upset and somewhat traumatized, i think malevolence is the worse of all snakes because it upsets our soul. with what the doctors told me, i can't simply not go back, but also i feel like if i were touched in the face i would get concussed. idk how my hero does it, she got hurt so badly, and she went training quickly and is fighting soon. i wish i was more like her.
I don't know if whats happening to me right now is result of my specific career choices or if it is life's inescapable tendency for tragedy. should i continue holding on to this faint sense of hope or should i just try to be safe? being safe isn't going anywhere, no one i admire did it, i know i won't find love that way, but is life really just this? it's like it's nothing and we're only worth what we create or do, should i just accept it that my art will kill me so i can be a real artist, like my hero?