This has been the longest 24 hours in my life. I wonder why...
I knew someone years ago (6 years now).. since the first time i saw him i knew he was special.. i remember eveyday the day i saw him for the first time.. we were ao young.. god, i dont even know how to describe it.. because “love” is not enought.. he is the love of my life.. i can imagine my life without him anymore.. i breaks my heart everytime i think about my mother.. my dad died some years ago.. and i can imagine the pain that my mother carries on her heart.. because i know how much she loved my dad.. i would never be able to be happy again if i loose my men.. it just breaks my heart... my mom loved and still love my dad a lot!
Being 12-13 and dealing with hormones and hating my body i really wanted a fast, easy way to lose weight, i thought a healthy diet and exercise would help but come to my surprise there were literal videos out there that helps you starve yourself, they even had tips and tricks to do it??! It was a complete how-to-be-anorexic-guide. im thankful that even my young little dumbass at that time called out on the bs
I'm so excited for Christmas, but at the same time, I'm so stressed about my financial situation. This year has been rough. I wasn't planning on spending a ton of money on gifts anyway, but I'm worried about whether or not I'll be able to get a gift for everyone who's important to me. I know I don't HAVE to give people gifts to show I care, and this confession probably makes me sound incredibly materialistic, but I just like to give people things. I show affection through gifts. I love seeing people's faces light up, or making them laugh with something goofy. I couldn't care less if I get any gifts. I just want to make my loved ones feel appreciated.
I have a very bad day. It has been a long time since I felt this bad. I haven't stopped crying since I woke up. I thought I was finally getting better and back to my cheerful self, guess I was wrong..
I kinda pretend that I'm OK with my best friend but the truth is that he's a ignorant lout that thinks that he is always right. He's blunt and sometimes lack tact and becomes somewhat rude and improper around people. Often he says things he shouldn't that are embarrassing to me in public places. Thank God I'm only with him once a week. More than that would be impossible to bear.
I've just masturbated to porn and something doesn't feel right.
I just wanna graduate college already and move to a different state. I don't know. I'm always lonely because I don't have this thing called good friends I can hang out with. I can always call one person but she's way too toxic to hang out with. I met another guy to be be friends with. Well he's the one who approached me and he's also toxic. My other friends, well I don't know, I sensed that they don't like me and it seems hard to just approached them and talk fun stuff with them because they see me as a depressed kid. I use Bumble and all, to meet new people....no luck so far. And tbh, I don't know what is it about me that make it so hard to make friends. Yeah I could be a bit of anxious talking to people and that's because I've mostly been alone or at least not have good genuine friends since I move to this state I live in it right now (Hawaii) from high school. Either people are too facade or people just leaves and move away. But I don't know, I'm not really sad or depressed, I'm actually smiley and inviting but mostly I could also be genuine and normal. But also another thing, I have hard time making friends because most people, all they talk about is basic bitches stuff. It's uncomfortable to hang with them, they sounded fake. And sometimes I just want to meet a local chill people but I don't know how to approach them either because they seem intimidating and inclusive.
I saw a cat that reminded me of you today. It had dark hair and blue eyes, and it was really shy and clumsy, just like you.
I'm homesick. I wish I could move back to my hometown. The rent is cheaper there and I could see my family for the holidays. I work in retail so there's no way I can drive six hours each way to see my family for any holiday. If I lived in the same town as them, I could maybe get lucky with my schedule. I don't know how many years I'll have left with my grandparents. But I don't have money to move. I'd have to rent a Uhaul, pay deposits, probably rent a place sight unseen. I just can't afford all that right now. But I'm stuck. We're living paycheck to paycheck and have no room to save anything.