due to how neglected/emotionally abused i was as a child, i dont feel motivation anymore or joy for most things. the only thing that makes me feel okay is attention, and i hate getting it for some reason. even though I love attention, I still feel like it's wrong getting it.
Im a boy 25, and im renting a room in a house, and the landlord is gay, anyway today he send me text message if i dont want to hangout in his room and drink wine.. i was like no.. then he was like i won't bite you, then i havent replied anymore, i wish i was living alone not sharing house with some dude who wants to fuck me t-----t im so uncomfortable. i need to think about Rose extra hard today if i want to sleep good... i think i'll play her livestream again where she is cooking food, it always makes me feel good to watch it im scared and, uncomfortable and sad and i wish i was somewhere where i feel safe
its ok to be white
I don't know how much more of this stress i can handle being with my bf :( he has lost his licence a number of times for speeding. he doesn't take anything seriously just says it's fine when he could spend up to 18 months in jail and a fine of $6000 im just sick of feeling like im the adult in this relationship.
my mind is trying to kill me
to think that people can be your closest friend in school but the moment that steady contact ceases im left alone. hurts more when you try to see them and they don't want anything to do with you
I genuinely hate my life and want to disappear.
U ever love someone so much you would brush and floss their own teeth for them
i wish Rose would hold me and tell me everything is gonna be ok
I went outside at midnight to smoke weed last saturday after watching some ufc, and i got kinda hyped up and decided to go do some shadowboxing in a somewhat hidden place , well i got carried away and did it until i was sweating, and even took my hoodie off... the next day i woke up with sore throat, runny nose, a little bit of headache etc, and i know with the information i just gave it seems pretty clear that i just caught a cold from being outside under those circumstances, but actually im scared what if it is corona virus?? yesterday i felt much much better and talked to a friend about it, he said that since no one i know seems to have virus either and no one at the gym has caught it, that its pretty clear that it isnt corona, and that im just regular-sick, but im still worried... im like ''snorting'' cuz of runny nose all the time, and feeling kinda tired, and also sneezing all the time.. i had decided to isolate from people for 2 weeks but once it gets hard and depression hits its too hard to convince myself, i tell myself like ''am i really gonna waste 2 weeks of my life when the most logical scenario is that this isnt even corona?'' and also ''im gonna isolate for 2 weeks probably for no reason, and then actually catch corona for real and then having to actually isolate, and waste one whole month'' ideally i should get tested but its very expensive and i dont have money, i feel like testing should be free made by the government , thats like one of the few things government should do, cuz its public health crisis and stuff.. also another thing ive been telling myself is that ''if it was corona, you'd know for sure, you're barely feeling anything at all, people get super sick from corona, you're fine''