I'm homesick. I wish I could move back to my hometown. The rent is cheaper there and I could see my family for the holidays. I work in retail so there's no way I can drive six hours each way to see my family for any holiday. If I lived in the same town as them, I could maybe get lucky with my schedule. I don't know how many years I'll have left with my grandparents. But I don't have money to move. I'd have to rent a Uhaul, pay deposits, probably rent a place sight unseen. I just can't afford all that right now. But I'm stuck. We're living paycheck to paycheck and have no room to save anything.
ive forgotten how to cry
Might be a trigger. . . . . . . . I fantasize about being raped. I dont know why. Could be because of my childhood trauma..and its awful thing and I hate myself for it.
We can get tricked into thinking that there is a way to achieve utopia, the reality is, there is millions of ways to achieve the utopia, all of the utopians in history make the same point : '' for it to work, all it takes is for everyone to agree with it'', and that's just stupid, naive, and clueless. religions are like this, political ideologies are like this, and people are sucked into wasting their lives droning in favour of their religion cult or ideology , thinking they are smarter than everyone else, when the reality is everyone is thinking the same thing , ''if only everyone agreed with me, then it would be perfect'' . and that's why it will never happen, no one wants to live in the dreams and fantasies of another person, everyone has their own, so to every utopian teenager and college fool reading this, no, you're not the messiah of the new utopia and the perfect world, you're just a narcissistic ego-maniac retard.
I hate this life. I'm just angry, angry that im human, angry that i live, that i had no say in that. Just woke up one day, gained consciousness to realize that theres no point to life. I just want it to end as fast and least painfully as possible. I hate that i think this way, but i dont believe that i can change this. It just gets worse day by day. Just turn it off already! Thank you!
I am so tired of everything... I feel i lost my way, i am caught up in this routine that i hate. I don't do anything i like anymore.. I feel it is my duty to make it right.. But this "right" doesn't seem so right to me.... I am so unhappy.... I need one moment, just a small thing...to still be able to believe that i can go through this...
''racism'' is new-speak, it's a attempt at twisting language to then manipulate how we perceive and articulate our actual feelings. everyone is racist, that's why accusing people of racism and bigotry is so effective, it's because it's always true, unless you are completely self destructive martir who commits suicide as soon as possible to rid the world of your unholy racist human-ness. basically if you adopted new-speech you already lost, also you already lost at ''well i have to be in the good side which means i can't be a rAcIsM'' means you already restricted your ability to think freely beyond repair because now you applied barriers to your thought. we live in the time of unmeasurable political and intellectual misleading, never have we been so tricked and manipulated
There's this guy I'm dating and whenever I see him he is super enthusiastic and cute, telling me how much he likes to spend time with me, holding hands etc. But on whatsapp he seems to have lost interest, he talks less and less every day. Now I know I shouldn't read to much into this, he's probably just busy if he says he likes me I should believe him right?! The thing is tho, I've had the exact same situation with the same doubts multiple times before with other guys and my gut feeling has always been right about him not liking me that much anymore. I don't want to tell him about my worries because I don't want him to think that he has to talk to me 24/7 or something. But I'm an overthinker and it's driving me crazy!
I need somebody to love and for somebody to love me
I'm stupid, unlovable, annoying, talentless, clueless, a waste of space and completely useless. I live a stagnated life and sometimes in those moments I wonder why God put me in this earth in the first place. A different soul could easily fill me in and do a better job than I ever could .