nothing has made me feel better in the past few months than going back to bulimia
I don't want to be the best in everything...I'm sick of it...they don't understand!!! no one is perfect...lemme rest!!!!
my ex boyfriend was 5'11 and i was 5'2 so he had an advantage over me and i would invite him to my house when my parents were gone and so one day when he came over he started touching me and i asked him to stop and he wouldnt but after awhile he just held me down and raped me and he whispered in my ear that i was worthless without him and i still cant get that day outta my mind
I am getting sad. I'm bi and no one knows it, I'm crying myself to sleep at night. I just want it to end!
Last year was rough for me because I lost all my friends and had never been close to my family so I felt I had nobody and depression was hitting it's hardest,and this boy I met o a trip a couple years back popped up in my life again,we started talking a lot and I kind of liked him because I've always felt ugly and never thought someone could look at me for more than a friendship.He asked me out and I said yes,we went on a date and everything was good but I clarified to him that I am demisexual and didn't want to "rush" things to put it in a way.Next time he insisted to come watch a movie in my house and after some discussion I accepted,I never seemed to been able to say no to him,I felt a connection,I felt he was special and we could talk about things nobody else was interested in.That day we didn't watch a movie but listened to music,chat and I made dinner,then we sat on my bed to watch an old series and he kept touching me,and I would take out his hand of my legs or shorts playfully saying to concentrate on the film but he kept on,and I was really fucking nervous and scared because I had never been intimate with anyone so I ended up letting him do what he wanted. We had relations,it was my first time and was clearly uncomfortable and didn't want to do it but because he insisted so much and wouldn't give in I fucking did it,fucking hell. I didn't think much about it at the time but I felt bad and guilty because I "let him down" for not being enthusiastic or taking the initiative or anything,but afterwards we just kept chatting and so,and I'd ask him to hang out or something,to continue our relationship but he started ghosting me more and more, saying how busy he was,until he stopped replied to me. It didnt down on me that he could have taken advantage of how emotionally unstable I was to get what he wanted and I feel awful,I feel used and abused,I hate it and I fucking hate him for not saying anything like "I don't want to see you anymore or something" I fucking hate everything,now sex is ruined even more for me and I feel like I can't tell anyone about this because is not an explicit case of rape,I just hate everything so much
I have a wife and kid. I work in IT and have a customer i visit every week. I have a big crush on one of the users there, and find myself thinking and dreaming about her. She's a couple years older than me but she's the most beautiful woman I've seen for a very very long time. And of course she's funny and sweet, too. I love my wife very much but my heart flutters when I'm on my way to work on thursdays because I know I might see the other woman and get to see her smile.
I feel shame and guilt over the fact that when I was being raped and sexually abused as a young child by my dad I had orgasims and sometimes even anticipated the sexual abuse I became use to that feeling and now as an adult I don't know how to have orgasims without thinking about what he did to me and it makes me sick to think about it all.....
I'm starting to think my degree is worthless
I've been making a complete clown out of myself spilling my heart out on Roses DMs like a dumbass, also she never replied again, i wonder if my notifications annoyed her so much that she blocked me, i'd write like, at the worst periods i was writing at least once a day, thinking that she just wouldnt see that i sent a lot also since she added me on ig i see when shes online, so i send her message, i realize now that probably annoyed her a lot also telling u guys about her has been annoying everyone im sorry guys, im actually sorry and i regret everything, but im just in so much pain from this like never before, when i talk about her and my feelings is kinda help me cope and soothes my pain but im still hurting so bad, this is so ridiculous i know but it doesnt stop i wish it would just stop it doesnt tho all i care about is having her acknowledge me and be proud of me
I used to be a big liar, i would just lie about stuff, because i didnt understood why not. i understand now that if ur doing things youre proud of, you dont want to lie and you feel much better, and lying doesnt make u feel actually good, it makes u feel sneaky and deceitful and like ur hiding something, makes it harder to be confident