Long story short we'd been friends for a years, not best friends but friends none the less. I moved away, she didn't make the effort to really keep in touch so I stopped, we basically haven't spoken in over half a year. A few weeks ago whilst going through my FB I noticed that she'd removed me as a sister, don't even know when she did that. I should have asked her about it then but I decided to leave it. This morning I was going to message her on Whataspp, saw that it looks like she's blocked me, no profile pic or last seen showing anymore. I'm actually depressed over this because we had a laugh when we did see each other and had never fallen out. I don't know why they would do this. Can anyone relate? Sorry for the lame blogpost but this has actually depressed me, I basically have no friends anymore.
I've always liked food and considered that I have a pretty good relationship with it. However, lately it has turned into an anxiety source. I've been trying to lose weight, exercising five days a week, cutting calories and I've only dropped 1 kg in 3 weeks. I've always been pretty big, I'm 1.75 mts and I've never been under 95 kg (right now I'm 105 kg). I'm really frustrated and scared that my food anxiety will eventually turn into something worse.
I love to write, like really want to spent my life about it. My idea usually around horror/thriller genre and R/Adult rated. My mind is madness and I want to share those madness to the world! But half of me saying that most people won't like that. And I'm really afraid to put it online, even though I have the portal for sharing, but I post none.
your love feels so fake, my demands aren't high to make
I'm so proud of my mom, she was an angel. I really love her. I want to make she happy, she's work for me and my dad. My dad have a stroke. But, she says i'm not a good child for her when i didn't following the rules that she made.
I wish my brain would quit whispering lies to my heart, telling me I'm not good enough and never will be. Trying to convince me that everyone would be better off without me. Making me worry that things won't ever actually get better and all this work will be for nothing. I know it's not true, I KNOW it's not, but a small part of me can't help but doubt, can't stop myself from wondering 'What if I'm right? What if I really should just die and save myself and everyone the trouble?' and I hate it. I don't want to think these things. I don't want to die, I don't want to give up, I don't want to hate myself. Why can't I shake these thoughts?
I have attachment issues and because I know that, I now distance myself to others to avoid manifesting my problem and it's impulses....
I feel like my best friend is now closer to my sister than she is to me. Now I have no one. I mean, yeah, I have other friends, but I'm not as close with them, and I probably never will be. That's not the kind of thing you can just... make happen. You can't force someone to have a deeper connection with you. It's so hard to make friends. Why can't I have just one person? Just one friend who doesn't leave me. One friend to spend time with, to talk to about things we have in common, to support in their times of need but also to lean on when I need help. Is that too much to ask? Is it too much to ask for just one friend?
am I gonna make it? am I will not disappoint my parents? I'm such a useless girl
Semua yang aku lakuin selalu ga bisa bagus. Seuseless ini aku?