Once I was with family in the middle of the woods exploring nature. I had a 13 yrs old cousin with me. At one time we were left alone for a few minutes. Then a terrible, dark and evil desire came over me. This is not easy for me to say here. I.... I... thought about raping her. Pin her down to floor and have her in the missionary position forcibly. My face got angry when I thought about it. But I didn't do it, mainly because there were people in shouting range. If I were alone with her with no one around I've would done it. I was with no control over my mind. I'm so afraid that this feeling might come again. I felt like a wolf hunting for meat. There were other situations more but this was the worse. I don't have them anymore due to the fact that I avoid being around teenage girls.
I saw her a few days ago, she greeted me much to my surprise. We haven't spoke in my many yrs. I used to love her but never had a chance, she made that clear. I was the wrong kind of man for her, I see that now. And I failed as a friend too. The reasons are not clear to me now but I remember being her friend in the hopes that she thought maybe different of me in a weak moment. She had plenty. Her family were her parents and three older brothers. Her father was the only one decent, her mother was a nut case. But the 3 brothers were the worse because they were drug addicts. One of them raped her. But she seems alright now and she's better off without me as a fake friend. I truly hope she finds peace and happiness.
How come every time I fall in love with someone who might actually be good for me instead of settling for someone terrible, it always ends in me getting hurt? I'm so tired of getting heartbroken when I try to make good choices. Why can't I just be happy for once? Why can't I be loved? I keep trying so hard to convince myself I can't possibly be unlovable. But I'm 22 and still haven't managed to keep a single relationship for even a year. Maybe I am unlovable.
My crush and I have been flirting back and forth for a while. I started to think that maybe for once in my life, somebody actually liked me back. Well today I had to find out from someone else that he's secretly dating another girl. I don't know who she is... but I hope they're happy together.
I feel very frustrated because I don't have a woman but it's not in a sexual way. Don't get me wrong, I want sex but that's like a bonus. I want / need to connect with a woman in a deep emotional level but I can't. I'm not used to being that close to anyone before. I'm so used to be alone all the time thay anything else is something I've never experienced before, not even close. The thing is I'm crazy when emotions flow rampant with me, I act like a completely uncontrolled asshole in that state. I'm also very immature dispite being in my late 30s. I let many women that were interested in me disappointed. Please help me, I need to be saved from myself and the terrible loniless I feel every day.
Someone's voice at the university sounded like my dad. I'm so homesick.
I always ask myself , why is it that easy to ignore the loving gestures surrounding me and search the far andbeyond when it's still questionable.
I should kill myself but I don't have that tendency in me. My life is shit. No job, no gf, no friends (I used to have them but they all hate me now). No money either. Just a chronic desease and going through chemotherapy a few years back. And when my mom is dead I'm totally fucked. I'll be homeless.
I've just discovered that my sister has a huge debt because of 2 credit cards that she owns. Around 20 000 euros. Before you think that she's stupid she had no choice but to use them. We live in a poor country where wages are low and taxes are high. There's no way to save money unless you live like a monk and have no utilities expenses. And my ex brother in law is an asshole that doesn't help her a bit, never did. My mother and I live in the same house and it was given as colareral for the loan for my sister's current house, possibly repossession is in . I don't how this problem is going to be fixed. I'm not playing the blame game because that doesn't solve anything.
I wish mom and dad would keep their passive-aggressive retorts at each other out of the family group chat