I should kill myself but I don't have that tendency in me. My life is shit. No job, no gf, no friends (I used to have them but they all hate me now). No money either. Just a chronic desease and going through chemotherapy a few years back. And when my mom is dead I'm totally fucked. I'll be homeless.
I've just discovered that my sister has a huge debt because of 2 credit cards that she owns. Around 20 000 euros. Before you think that she's stupid she had no choice but to use them. We live in a poor country where wages are low and taxes are high. There's no way to save money unless you live like a monk and have no utilities expenses. And my ex brother in law is an asshole that doesn't help her a bit, never did. My mother and I live in the same house and it was given as colareral for the loan for my sister's current house, possibly repossession is in . I don't how this problem is going to be fixed. I'm not playing the blame game because that doesn't solve anything.
I wish mom and dad would keep their passive-aggressive retorts at each other out of the family group chat
I'm so sick and tired of believing in a catholic religion. My parents always force me to go to church, pray the rosary... I want to leave sooo bad. I wanted to quit college, work, and just that. I want a peace of mind from school stress and them telling me to do this and that. I don't believe in that religion for a sole purpose of trying to know what I really believe in. And I should've went to mainland for college if it werent my mom sabotaging my application then... But it's too late.... I'm living lies from other people just because even my inner self is a lie. My belief is a lie. I pretend that I believe in a catholic religion when I don't. Can't they just let me go? I want to leave... I'm fine being homeless if I could because fuck these people.. As much as I want to respect the people and the religion but I can't because even the people that cares for me don't even respect me.. well fuck you all catholics and fuck your shit!
It's been over 6 years since I read Frankenstein but I suddenly started thinking about how sad it was.
Why do I try and reach out to my ex friends even today? It's been over three years since I walked away from them. Now they don't want anything to do with me anymore.
My genius friends always say they cant do the exam like literally not answering even one question then grabbing those grades while i'm just that one dumb boy who study hard all day long but not getting any smarter, sigh.
i have depression, i wish my boyfriend will initiate to stay with me whenever i need support. i always ask for his company. it can be tiring to keep on asking and it makes me feel more needy. i feel worse. i hate it.
Lying in my bed at night. I'm sick with a cold and can't sleep. I'm thinking of masturbating but it's kinda wasteful. It would be better with a woman but no one is remotely interested in me that isn't committed. I know I'm rough around the edges and not particularly handsome. I tend to throw people away because of anxiety by not greeting and acknowledge them. Or maybe I'm just rude. That's why I'm alone. It gets tiresome not having anyone to talk to. But then again I think back when I had friends and I was satured of dealing with them looking down on me.
30 days till Christmas, and all I know is I'm not quite ready to let go of last year. I have so much to show. One more month, and all I need is a sign from you that you think of me; if you don't, then please just say so... cause all I do is think of you. Who would've thought that someone like me could've fallen in love so easily? I know that you know that I know what I want... I know I can't have it, but give it a thought. I know that it sounds crazy, baby, but all I do is think of you, and it's wearing me out, it's wearing me down. This holiday is nothing but frowns for me, but I've got a gift, you see; I'm making a list- hell, I'll check it twice- of all the things you've done in my life. Then I'll send it your way, so you see why I love everything you throw my way. I know it's hard to say, but it's a crying shame that I came all this way with so much to say, but all that came out was "happy holiday"... A home cooked meal and a nice, warm bed, somebody to love, a place to lay my head... But I got 30 days, and I'ma make them count, cause I can't call it Christmas without someone to smile about.