It's worse than being a virgin. I think i'm going to die alone with no one caring about me the slightest.
I don't get jealous when I see couples of people I know. It's such an unattainable thing for me.
My cat is attached my parents, my brother and I. She's my cat and one day my brother moves out, or I move out, or I might give her away to my parents. And it's gonna be so difficult for her. All because if one in the member of our family leaves she gets super depressed. She has separation anxiety.
I love my mom dearly. I do and I wanted her to be a part of my life. But being a part of her life meaning we don't live together in the same vicinity, in the same city, in the same state. She cries and sees me as the bad child all the time comparing me to my brother on how my brother is a nice man and I'm an awful daughter. Gaslighting my reasons to why her actions doesnt feel right to me. Telling her to stop invading my privacy when I'm an adult, stop forcing me to stop doing the decisions I make when it causes no harm. Does not trust me when I said something. Demands me, insist me, and denies when I said things. It's annoying and toxic to be with her. But despite these, she's my mother and I never have forgotten at the same time how much she worked to make my physical health much better. She's kind, loving and caring. But at this point, my mental health is suffering and I need to go but it doesn't mean I'm forgetting her when she needs help. I'm her daughter and even though I'm seen as a bad kid, I know deeply in my heart I'm a good loving kid. It doesn't matter what she thinks or what my dad thinks. When they get old, I'd always be willing to help them. And it's not for the sake of taking back or obligation, but because I wanted a peace of kind that I prove myself I'm never the person they raised me to believe and also just because I love them.
I.. like a person in a higher grade, and she has a bf, and like I just wanna see her happy but I think she hates me now..
I hate it when people ask if something's wrong, no, everything's wrong..
I just hate myself so much...
I was born to be alone. Hardly no friends, no gf to this day. I've lived in this place all my life and it seems that I moved here just a week ago, that's how bad it is.
It sucks to have depression and, because of it, people don't want to have anything more with me. I was at an all time low a few years back and now almost everyone I know hates me due to my bad behavior.
I need to get closure somehow. I can't stop thinking about you. I know it is me that left... And you were left behind, but we would have never work out... Because of me mostly... Bui i just need some closure so i can move on.