Listening to Blink 182 and trying to talk myself out of divorcing my wife.
I'm so ready to move back to florida.... Texas and it's people suck.
I suck at making conversation. I don't know how to speak with people other than my mom and brother because they tolerate listening to me talk about my interests. (And they talk about their interests to me as well.) But talking to my dad or relatives or people at university is hard. I wouldn't be appropriate to talk to them about my dorky shit because they'd get bored. But I don't know how to make small talk and chat about nothing and all that.
I have relized my dad has done ALOT of emotional damage to me. If I'm with someone who Im really attached too, I get really upset when I'm left alone. Even if they just went down stairs too hang out with some friends which is verry sad. It dosent help that he just left me alone in a house when I was little to go get drugs the first night I was there. I couldn't call my mom or anyone cause I was mabey 6 or 7, no access to a phone and I was 2 hours away from my mom in another town. All the times he called saying "I'll come get you this weekend, I promise." And then I sit outside practically all day waiting from him not to show. All the times he wrote me from jail saying "You're my baby girl, I love you, I'll change. We can have a normal father and daughter realtionship." Then I get my hopes up but then nothing changed. Its always the same. Now he wonders why I never answer his calls. I use too say "Oh, I hate his guts. Hes not my dad" But deep down I wish he was there for me..
I dont think people close to me realize that what they say i take very personally. And i've started to develop mental issues because of it
I hate when I get lonely. My only friend and I are so incompatible with timing. We're always out of sync. When she wants to hang out, I'm busy. When I want to, she just doesn't. This is turning into a confession about her... She pisses me off. It's like she purposely chooses to ask me to hang out when it's impossible. Example: It's 5:30am, she's getting home from work and I'm leaving for work. She tells me to come over. But when I ask her to hang out when neither of us are busy, she'd just rather not. This is why I'm on tinder now. Fuck. I suck.
I want to talk to someone about my anxieties but I don't know who. Everyone in my family has their own struggles so I don't want to burden them with mine - I really don't want them to feel any worse. I have no friends except them. I do have appointments at the psychiatric clinic but they're only once a month. And I don't know what I'm seeking by writing here since most people here are probably as as as me or even more... I'm sorry if you are one of those sad people. I really hope you get better, whoever you are. You might not have the energy to comment, which is okay.
I've been having nightmares for the past few weeks. In those nightmares I'm late for something or fail at everything, and they make me keep waking up every night. I'm constantly tired because of this .
I dont know how my boyfriend still loves me. I'm moody and short tempered. I get verry upset about small things and one side of my face looks like I had a stroke.
my job gave me a supervizer postion and im acctuly more trouble then I am helpful. I count my drawers wrong or take forever doing it, i keep my employees longer then i need to after close cause they cant leave till I'm done and its always my fault we get out so late. Our store was almost completly dead and we should have been done by at least 10:20 but we didnt leave til 10:40 cause i always mess up on my money. im ready for them to say "f♡ck it, you are no good." and put me back to a basic employee. I fel like i did everything right befor i got promoted..