Ugh like you were the one who broke the trust in the first place, and idk how to "just start trusting you" again. idk what that even means, and on top on that, I already have trust issues and am so mentally messed up, uhhhhh what is even going on.....?????????
How is it that I have more then most but I still feel completely empty???
I feel like every time I'm happy some thought or piece of anxiety comes along and is like nope uh-uh not happening you're not allowed to be happy and then I worry and then when I finally muster up the courage to say what that thought is .. it turns out to be a super silly thought I'm tired of having happy periods and then I worry over something super silly and stupid and it kills my whole mood stupid anxiety
Some days all I can think about is plunging a dagger into my chest and just letting all of the pain and suffering pour out. Throwing myself over a rail and falling headfirst into the rushing water to wash away the anguish. Taking one too many steps past the edge of a cliff and losing myself in the wilderness beneath, the trees shattering the hollow shell of a person that I once was. I don't want to die. But sometimes I just crave the sweet release that would come after.
I see some of the most trash ass people finding awesome relationships...I mean, how did you pull this off??? Some of us out here are really deserving of someone, but the trash sucked out all energy needed to pursue such. We are forced to rebuild ourselves, while they move on with their lives, and carrying on, and possibly ruining somebody else...You are a waste of life, who's winning...Am I the only one who feels this way????
A mutual friend told me today that my boyfriend behaves the way he does because he stopped caring and he hasn't cared for years. The realization hit me that he probably never has. I'm starting think he doesn't have the ability to actually love someone. It believe he's just one of those people that can't be alone and he's just settled for me because I love him.
I really miss Robin Williams.
I wish my husband could see, that his brother is in a way using him, bringing his wife and daughter for vacation, the same time with his cardiologist appointment. When I persuade him to fullfil the appointment with a cardiologist for a consultation. But no, he's angry with me, and when he's in pain I have to take extra care for him. Can his brother's wife be more understanding, because this happened before, she always wants to come this time. I don't know how to explain this to his brother or his wife, about this.
I feel like I have lost my will to keep fighting for my marriage. 20 years married to a woman that I feel I never really knew. 20 years fighting for, it's finally dawning on me, her to love me. Why did it take so long to realize she loves what I do for her, what I represent, my loving her. Yet she has never actually loved me or I wouldn't have spent all this time fighting for her love.
why I feel, my friends, family hate me.. everything I do, it's like nothing in their eyes