Writing this to vent, because I can't in reallife, please read this wot. My gf has and/or had schizophrenia. According to her, intrusive voices that reinforce selfdoubt in her have become rare and basically nonexistant, but it was a real problem when she was younger. I rarely talk to her about it, she doesn't like it and it, I confess, pains me to see her getting as pale as a corpse with an expression of eldritch terror on her face, when she speaks about the whole deal, expressing her fear that the whole shit will come back one day...and I can't, for fucks sake, relate...my only experience with that was a time where I smoked way too much weed with my friends and their voices kept lingering in my thoughts after they went home, which was kinda spooky and unpleasant, but gone with the dawn as I woke up the next morning...I mean, I already tend to worry to much, but this whole ordeal just keeps me awake at night. She is so sweet, smart, utterly perfect for me, and I love her, it psychologically and physically hurts to know that she has or at least had to carry such a burden. I hope the fact that the intrusive voices got better/stopped as she got older and through regular visits to the psychologist shows that it just was a young minds interpretation of selfdoubt, yet, being mentally broken myself - yet differently, I know that this hope is in vain.
im tired it always me who understand people but people never understand me
i have no motivation and spirit ugh. yesterday i told my mom if i have a test on monday later and that lesson is a lesson which ive been stressing about. but she didnt understand me and said to me "iTs becAuSe yOu dOnT tRy HaRd blablabla". im sad. i thought i'll be motivated when i told her or maybe she could just cheer me up or what but the truth is not
my life is so fucking boring and predictable like a cliche chick flick that sometimes i think my life is just setting me up for shit to go down like an action packed climax, or maybe i'm just desperate. just give me something i'll gladly take it i have no life.
Meeting people remind me a lot of toy boxes with the shapes on it. She wants a rectangle not you. Damn Triangle.
It stinks that my ex got to know my mom but didn't seem that upset when she died. I get that she wasn't his mom and he only knew her for two and a half years. Maybe him having Aspergers could explain it. But I don't remember him crying at all. When I was really sad and had mild depression after she died, he said he'd call my grandma to send me to the mental hospital. I didn't need that. I was just sad! I wasn't suicidal, I didn't think of hurting myself or others. I didn't want or need a mental hospital. I just wanted his support and understanding while I grieved. He never even went to the mausoleum with me, even though it was only 20 minutes from my house. The lack of emotional support really opened my eyes to the other bullshit I went through for him. Losing my mom and having to support myself at 19 made me grow up. It made me realize he wasn't growing up with me. He was two years older than me but he hadn't matured at all since we were together. Life is too short and unfair to waste your time with an asshole manchild. I wish I could've realized that while my mom was here. It's not fair that my ex got to meet my mom and didn't appreciate her, but my fiance now never got to meet her. He wishes he could've met her and I know my mom would've liked him more than my ex. He hugs me and comforts me when I'm having a sad day and miss her. No questions asked, if I need a hug I can tell him and he'll stop whatever he's doing. He made sure to leave a spot for my mom's picture in our living room so we can always see her. It was his idea to get the picture and a flower to set up a little spot for her on Mothers Day. Cemeteries freak him out but I'm pretty sure he'd go with me when we finally get to visit my hometown. It's not fair that he didn't get to meet my mom.
do i even have a purpose in this fucking world if i have nothing to offer
when you're sad about something, do you just cry yourself harder by breaking out and thinking about multiple of other completely irrelevant sad events/scenarios?? please tell me im not the only one. i feel like a complete drama queen when i do this and i dont know why i do it but its kinda funny
I knew this girl back when I had a girlfriend and really liked her. But I never chose her over my girl for a few reasons. Well years later, after my ex and I separated, I discovered I am in love with that other girl, but her current dude wont allow us to talk. Understandable, because even though he used to be one of my best friends, I'd probably try to steal her away. But I plan on moving out of state soon and I think I'm going to let her know how much I love her just before I bounce. Not to take her away, just to let her know.
My mental instability started when I moved to my dads to help him take care of his husband. We all knew he was dying but I tried to lie to myself saying he would get better because he had gotten sick in the past but recovered. Its been about 5 years now and I still miss him. Watching someone take their last breaths of life takes a harder toll then people really think. I can only imagine how my dad feels..