I genuinely hate my life and want to disappear.
U ever love someone so much you would brush and floss their own teeth for them
i wish Rose would hold me and tell me everything is gonna be ok
I went outside at midnight to smoke weed last saturday after watching some ufc, and i got kinda hyped up and decided to go do some shadowboxing in a somewhat hidden place , well i got carried away and did it until i was sweating, and even took my hoodie off... the next day i woke up with sore throat, runny nose, a little bit of headache etc, and i know with the information i just gave it seems pretty clear that i just caught a cold from being outside under those circumstances, but actually im scared what if it is corona virus?? yesterday i felt much much better and talked to a friend about it, he said that since no one i know seems to have virus either and no one at the gym has caught it, that its pretty clear that it isnt corona, and that im just regular-sick, but im still worried... im like ''snorting'' cuz of runny nose all the time, and feeling kinda tired, and also sneezing all the time.. i had decided to isolate from people for 2 weeks but once it gets hard and depression hits its too hard to convince myself, i tell myself like ''am i really gonna waste 2 weeks of my life when the most logical scenario is that this isnt even corona?'' and also ''im gonna isolate for 2 weeks probably for no reason, and then actually catch corona for real and then having to actually isolate, and waste one whole month'' ideally i should get tested but its very expensive and i dont have money, i feel like testing should be free made by the government , thats like one of the few things government should do, cuz its public health crisis and stuff.. also another thing ive been telling myself is that ''if it was corona, you'd know for sure, you're barely feeling anything at all, people get super sick from corona, you're fine''
Well last night before I went to bed I sent my sister Vanessa an email about her behavior towards me, well to really be honest with you her actions were really eating me up inside. Well I really love her very much, but I can't keep on dealing with her bad attitude I am not the only one she's has done this too she has no respect for her mom either .
nothing has made me feel better in the past few months than going back to bulimia
I don't want to be the best in everything...I'm sick of it...they don't understand!!! no one is perfect...lemme rest!!!!
my ex boyfriend was 5'11 and i was 5'2 so he had an advantage over me and i would invite him to my house when my parents were gone and so one day when he came over he started touching me and i asked him to stop and he wouldnt but after awhile he just held me down and raped me and he whispered in my ear that i was worthless without him and i still cant get that day outta my mind
I am getting sad. I'm bi and no one knows it, I'm crying myself to sleep at night. I just want it to end!
Last year was rough for me because I lost all my friends and had never been close to my family so I felt I had nobody and depression was hitting it's hardest,and this boy I met o a trip a couple years back popped up in my life again,we started talking a lot and I kind of liked him because I've always felt ugly and never thought someone could look at me for more than a friendship.He asked me out and I said yes,we went on a date and everything was good but I clarified to him that I am demisexual and didn't want to "rush" things to put it in a way.Next time he insisted to come watch a movie in my house and after some discussion I accepted,I never seemed to been able to say no to him,I felt a connection,I felt he was special and we could talk about things nobody else was interested in.That day we didn't watch a movie but listened to music,chat and I made dinner,then we sat on my bed to watch an old series and he kept touching me,and I would take out his hand of my legs or shorts playfully saying to concentrate on the film but he kept on,and I was really fucking nervous and scared because I had never been intimate with anyone so I ended up letting him do what he wanted. We had relations,it was my first time and was clearly uncomfortable and didn't want to do it but because he insisted so much and wouldn't give in I fucking did it,fucking hell. I didn't think much about it at the time but I felt bad and guilty because I "let him down" for not being enthusiastic or taking the initiative or anything,but afterwards we just kept chatting and so,and I'd ask him to hang out or something,to continue our relationship but he started ghosting me more and more, saying how busy he was,until he stopped replied to me. It didnt down on me that he could have taken advantage of how emotionally unstable I was to get what he wanted and I feel awful,I feel used and abused,I hate it and I fucking hate him for not saying anything like "I don't want to see you anymore or something" I fucking hate everything,now sex is ruined even more for me and I feel like I can't tell anyone about this because is not an explicit case of rape,I just hate everything so much