Im so fucking hurt right now. I respected this woman’s boundaries for 2 fucking years and I just found out tonight she’s having a baby by another dude it barely been 5 months since we broke up. We started dating 2016 and she ended things in December 2018 and im so dead inside right now. I gave every ounce of love I had to this woman. She told me she wanted to wait until marriage to have sex and despite my concerns and hesitation I accepted it and was faithful to her in a sexless relationship just for her to fuck some other dude and have a baby by him not even 5 months later. I’ve never felt this kind of pain in my life. This was supposed to be my future wife, we were supposed to have a family together. I put my all into this woman. I’m just in absolute shock right now I can hardly breathe.
I heard about minimalomism the first time a few years back and thought that it was the thing for me. I grew up in a really cluttered home and always had border tendencies. I felt a lot better when I thought I was becoming a really organized person who only ones treasured items. I took a lot of proud in it. Not because I think it's some sort of big achievement to be a minimalist, but because I was proud of having a goal and a philosophy and actually following through with it. But now I moved, for the first time ever, into a smaller place than before and noticed that I have a lot of stuff. A lot. So many things that the boxes literally didn't fit into the new apartment. And I feel a little bad now because I realized that I didn't achieve as much as I thought I had, because I still have border tendencies and because I'm ashamed for telling everyone about how good it feels to be a minimalist all the time and now seeing that I never was.
I wish I could ever not understand any kind of situation in my surrounding in order to stop myself from being considerate. It balances yet kills my mental to the point where I feel like wearing some bandaids on my head and slicing my own brain at the same time.
the moment he told me that he would only come to visit if bad things —such as my death even was mentioned— happened is the moment when almost my entire sanity broke into pieces.
i am tired of understanding the fact that we living being has emotion. the way it works is full of paradox and irony, both positive and negative, and I am tired of always be the one to understand it most.
My roomate got into a relationship with my crush. It hurts 😔
I've came out to my parents about being bisexual, but they don't trust me going to sleepovers anymore. And I feel like if I tell them about my almost 4 month relationship with my girlfriend they're going to punish me in some way. Even my girlfriend tells me not to tell my parents that she'll be at the sleepover, just because she thinks that I won't be able to come , which has happened before. So I have come up with a secret identity for my girlfriend. I named "him" Matthew, I only told my parents that I liked "him" and they encourage me to do tell or do something to "him".I might tell my parents this summer because we'll be out of state far away from my girlfriend. :/
I cried in church some weeks ago.. not my proudest moment..
I hate that they don't need any new workers in the store that I was helping to get finished to open... so I am so sad, because I have to leave! That place made me happiest I've been for a very long time! I hope I can come back to them😭❤
I met someone nice in class two weeks ago. We had a great conversation and she said she looked forward to talking to me in next class, but I haven't seen her since. I was hoping I might be able to make a friend at last...