I just wanna have a deep and meaningful connection with someone. Every person I meet these days just bore me. Or maybe I've become old and boring lol
Any contact with him makes me happy, it brightens my day instantly. Even if it's just a three word comment on a fb post. Haven't seen him for two months almost. I'm kinda scared things will be different after this forced absence. Sometimes he talks like I really mean something to him. Other times it's only sexual stuff. It's almost three years since we finally met in person. I don't know what the future holds.
I don't like staying up at night. because then I think too much and tears come with it. I cry about being too indecisive and starting college without the confidence in my degree or what I chose to do. I cry cause I haven't had a decent grade in the past 4 years and I can't remember the last time I made my mother proud. I cry cause ntn has went wrong but in these times I know I never feel right either. I cry cause I doubt my mother and close family see the importance of psychiatric professionals like I do. or Why I'd consider seeing one. I cry, silently, so I don't wake the house, until my nose clogs and it's so hard breathe I'm just suffocating in a whole new way. and when I finally sleep and wake up I "forget" all about it. cause that was then and this is now. that was night and this is day. and if I don't let them mix or bleed between each other then it's easy to actually enjoy the few things that I cling to.
it's always when there's quite around me that my thoughts are the loudest. The people and friends of the day distract me but if I stay up too long at night then tears come too. I cry for how indecisive I am and how I don't know what is want to do despite starting college. I cry cause I haven't gotten a decent average in years and I can't remember the last time my mom was proud of me. I cry cause ntn is wrong but ntn feels right either. I cry cause I doubt my close family understands the need of a counsellor or psychiatrist.or my interest in one. I cry for the hobbies I stopped doing and new things I don't feel good enough to try. I cry until my nose clogs and I just suffocate in a whole new way. and when I finish it's simply moments b4 I start up again. and eventually I sleep and pretend like with the day ntn ever happened. because that was night and this is day. and I feel as if if I don't keep them separate then I'd never feel alright for a long time.
being the only one stuck at home with my mum is so damaging to my mental health
I have a problem that my idol is a very pretty woman and i ended up falling in love with her and now i'm always thinking about her and really upset with my situation and how she doesn't even know me. i keep dreaming that if i can achieve something she would acknowledge me but that also makes me depressed
my dad molested me. I don't tell anyone because otherwise he's a good dad and I know it's bad but it felt good.
It's been weighing on my mind every now and then. There was this beautiful girl just down the street from where I live now. I didn't feel anything for her but just thought she was pretty. I learned she was peggo and just quit using heroin when she found out. She had a wonderful child from what I hear. I've never seen her baby up close or talked to her since before she was pregnant. After she gave birth and was able to become mobile again she went onto the local fb page and asked if Anyone had any spare baby supplies. My spouse took action and replied right away. We had twins just before her and since we were in a good spot in our lives we could easily replace everything. Her S.O. was still using and sold everything she had got before the baby came. I wanted us to be able to bring her shopping for everything her baby needed but with her SO it was bound to get sold off again. Coming back from work I would see her walking with her child with the things we had given her, it made me happy we could do something but felt that we could have done more. It was only half a year later I received notice of her passing from OD. Her boyfriend egged her on and she started using again, unfortunately it was her last. I was sadden to hear it so. All I could think about was the baby, I hope the child will have a better life but wish that it could have spent more time with the mother. A week after her service, I had seen everything we had given her at the end of her driveway by the side of the street. I try not to think about it too much but it still weighs heavy in my heart. I hope she's in a better place and her child is doing well.
i broke up with my boyfriend. i'm 19 and he's 30. her mom force him to marry a woman who aged around him. 🙂
i now have trust issues with people after I got conned and now I'm on full on depression mode, don't know how long it will take to become normal again