I feel shame and guilt over the fact that when I was being raped and sexually abused as a young child by my dad I had orgasims and sometimes even anticipated the sexual abuse I became use to that feeling and now as an adult I don't know how to have orgasims without thinking about what he did to me and it makes me sick to think about it all.....
I'm starting to think my degree is worthless
I've been making a complete clown out of myself spilling my heart out on Roses DMs like a dumbass, also she never replied again, i wonder if my notifications annoyed her so much that she blocked me, i'd write like, at the worst periods i was writing at least once a day, thinking that she just wouldnt see that i sent a lot also since she added me on ig i see when shes online, so i send her message, i realize now that probably annoyed her a lot also telling u guys about her has been annoying everyone im sorry guys, im actually sorry and i regret everything, but im just in so much pain from this like never before, when i talk about her and my feelings is kinda help me cope and soothes my pain but im still hurting so bad, this is so ridiculous i know but it doesnt stop i wish it would just stop it doesnt tho all i care about is having her acknowledge me and be proud of me
I used to be a big liar, i would just lie about stuff, because i didnt understood why not. i understand now that if ur doing things youre proud of, you dont want to lie and you feel much better, and lying doesnt make u feel actually good, it makes u feel sneaky and deceitful and like ur hiding something, makes it harder to be confident
im a super effeminate guy and i dont know how to live my life normally and be normal
I'm so sick of being poor. I fear for my future.
Sometimes I hate my own family.
Being sick makes me feel depressed. I just banged my head against a wall singing about shit I wanted to rant about for 10 straight minutes. Being sick is awful, especially when it means that you can't go to school and see the people that make you feel alive. Even gaming, one of my only hobbies, is boring when I'm sick. I can't fucking stand it. I know damn well I have problems, but being sick amplifies them. I can't even tell what those problems are and probably never will be able to unless I go to therapy. But, going to therapy means having to speak to an adult about paying for it. I can't ask someone to pay for my therapy. It just doesn't feel right, making people I barely know (I live in a foster home) pay for my wellbeing. Everything feels wrong, and I hate it.
the edge is too dull and the tip is too scary.
is it bad if i like being used in sex, im a boy