When i was twelve i got a can of soda poured on my head because i didn't let a girl kiss me. when i was thirteen i was violently molested on and off by my mother's friend for five months. when i was fifteen i was flashed by my friend's sister. I am seventeen now a few months ago a girl mistook my friendliness for flirtation and made some unwanted advances. but none of that even comes close to the pain i felt when my sister, who is six years my minor, confessed that she doesn't see me as just her brother. I don't know why these things happen to me. I don't know what im doing wrong, but. I'm done. I can't take it anymore. I don't want any of this. I'm scared. i feel like a disgusting person. It's all wrong. wrong wrong wrong. I honestly am highly suicidal and hate myself because these things keep happening. i really think im just going to kill myself.
I need to be saved from myself
This christmas I'm gonna spend all my money on really old space-and/or-underwater lego stuff because when I was a kid, these old late 80's/early-to-mid 90's legos always were like...ancient legends - I knew they existed, but it was impossible to get them. - Now, due to ebay, and the fact that many people my age sell their lego stuff, it's easy and cheap to get all the cool shit I always wanted to own as a kid, rare minifigure-parts I wish I've had ten years ago, parts that are not produced anymore etc. The funny thing is, I'm 18 years old and have a working social life - Who will drag me to court?
I'm so desperate for sex that women over 50 are an option to me. I'm in my late 30s. They pay me no mind at all.
I panicked when I woke up this morning because I wasn’t in my room or even my house. I was in my bf's bed and I didn’t remember how I got there but then it all came back to me and I remembered that last night I had come over to do homework with him but then I got sick and vomited in the toilet and his parents told me to sleep until I felt better. When I went downstairs bf was in the kitchen and his parents were at work. I asked him why we weren’t at school and he said “Because you’re sick, remember?” and he ruffled my hair and put his palm on my forehead and went “Tsss, you’re burning up!” and he handed me this paper cup with pills that his mom had left for me with a note that said get well soon honey. I felt a sob in my throat right then because he has such lovely parents and I am just so envious. I showered cause my clothes were sticking to me with cold sweat and we did school work for a bit and then I jumped to my feet and I was like, I’m bored. Let’s do something. And he said “But you’re sick.” So I did a cartwheel and asked him if a sick person would be able to do that, and he laughed and hearing that sound almost made me feel like I truly wasn’t sick anymore. So we went downtown and listened to a man on the sidewalk play Arabesque on a piano and I kept holding on to my bf cause I wasn’t feeling too well and the shirt I borrowed from him was starting to stick to me again. I was hot all over, even though the air was icy. We went to this tea shop and I was just reading the menu when my bf put his hands on my shoulders and said to the woman behind the counter “Do you have any drinks to make a sweaty, pukey, feverish boy feel better?” and my face got warm and I was like oh my gosh you’re so mean. I’m not even sweaty anymore. But I was laughing. When we went back to his house I got sick again and fell asleep on his bed. When I woke up he was sitting on the floor next to the bed. I asked him if he had just been sitting there the whole time and he said “yeah” and gave me more medicine to take. That made everything feel really melancholy for some reason. I don’t know. It wasn’t a terrible day. I had fun, but I’m just sad. I presume it’s because my parents didn’t even realize I never came home last night. I also hate being sick, and I don’t know if I’ll go to school tomorrow either.
Got an A in German; A in English, Philosophy and Geography, too... have a Math-Test tomorrow and I know about as much as Jon Snow.
My grandmother passed away a couple years ago. A few months ago, some of my dad's siblings took her ashes to Florida, where her husband has been buried for 17 years. They just dumped her ashes on top of his grave "so they could finally be together". And I'm pissed. They didn't ask if any of us wanted to keep some of her ashes- I would have liked to. But the thing I'm most upset about is that, since they illegally left human remains on the ground, there's no way to get a gravestone. So now my grandmother is completely gone, without a trace. There is no marker for her presence, no sign of her life for future generations to see. I am so sad and angry that they did that to her. She was always camera shy, so we don't have many photos of her; now it's like they've all but erased her from existence. I wish I could tell them how upset I am.
My friends and I saw a spirit one night. One of them died 3 years ago today and I'm just wondering why tf he hasn't visited me since he knows I can see spirits.....
There's this guy I know, he was studying Chemistry in college and is failing it. But I know so well he's a Computer Science smart. He just knows better than me. I told him why not move to it because you're better at it. He just told me that he loves Chemistry so much that despite failure he'll pursue it. Because it's what he loves the most. He loves what he does. And I don't know is he right? I'm a linguistic prodigy as a kid but I hate people telling me this and that about it. And when I grew up I left the subject completely just to do business. I don't like it too much but I just know It's rather more practical (not in college btw). I make so much money from it but I'm not really happy. But I get this freedom and I can do everything I want but I'm way too busy and I'm not really happy. For this guy, he told me that he likes what he does. How does it feel like to fail in something you love the most? Because I don't understand him... And I'm completely lost in life. I'm only 21.....
I wish I could just fall in love with somebody who loves me back, is good for me, and maybe actually lives in the continental US. That'd be great.