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My husband hangs out with his brother around 4, sometimes more, nights of the week. He hangs out with him more than me and there's the problem. I've told him that I feel second best by this and to please balance it a bit more but he just dismisses me. They play Fifa together and smoke joints, I've tried to hang out with them before whilst they do it but I'm just the 3rd wheel. Once he's done hanging out with his brother he'll come back and laze on the couch and often fall asleep there or he'll just go to his office and shut himself off. I'll try and get him to come bed after a while but he doesn't want to. So even then most nights I go to bed alone and then he'll eventually join me at maybe 4, 5,6 in the morning, maybe even gone 8am some days. Often I'll want up in the middle of the night and I'm alone, again. All I can think is that this what single people do, they spend most nights alone (i.e. without a partner) and they go to sleep alone, that's me. What's the point of even being married? He really wants kids soon, this year, but with most nights he just wants to spend getting high with his brother, playing Fifa and then not even going to bed with me. I feel like how will it even work to have kids if this is the case. I can just see myself being ditched with them a lot of the time while he is free to do as he wants. For today he said he'd make it up to me and that we'd spend the whole day together. Yet he's ditched me to go hang out with his brother again, he won't even be coming back until later - even our dinner is pushed way back because of this. He won't take me seriously, I've pleaded with him but he just fobs me off that we see each other every day. Difference is that we don't really hang out we busy in other parts of the place doing work/ chores and just generally being in and out of the house. Tl:dr husband and me rarely hang out in the evenings because he prefers to game and get high with his brother. Also most nights I sleep alone because he doesn't want to come to bed either. I love him, really I do but this is hurting me too much. I feel so alone. Does anyone have any advice, please I don't want to keep living this way.

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  • Honestly? He's not marriage material. He obviously doesn't care about you or what you want or how you feel. I'd demand that he either get his act together or get a divorce. Do NOT have babies with this man. He is the epitome of deadbeat dad. Having a baby won't change him. You think the same guy who can't make time to have dinner with you is gonna be the kind of guy who changes diapers in the middle of the night? Nah sis. You might love him, but he doesn't love you. And you deserve someone who does.

  • That sounds like a massive problem. If you were my friend and just in a one year long relationship I'd suggest breaking up, to be honest. But you guys are married, so I think you should do everything to fix it. Maybe marriage counselling, maybe get someone on board (can you talk to his brother about it?), or talk to him about it again and don't stop annoying him with the topic until he really listens... But you can't have a baby with this man if he doesn't change his behaviour.

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would you please stop being so stubborn? stop being so thick headed. this whole thing is hard enough to deal with for both of us. the arguing ,bickering and blaming one another is only making it harder..... if you don't want me fine I understand that. it sucks but I get it.... why cant we be adults about it?

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I wish things were back to normal. The good old days....back where I didn't met her.

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  • she probably wishes the same

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it wont be long until someone finds out my biggest and hideous secret. :-(

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  • I'll give you all a hint. I am the #1 most hated type of person in the U.S, and people like me are said to steal jobs, because we are assholes that are "too good" at it. If you find out, congrats. And yes, I'm ashamed of it!! I cant sleep at night because it reminds me of what I am.

  • you spent your short life uncovering dark knowledge and know posess information that could pertain to the discovery of the Black Dahlia killer but you're unsure whether to come out with this evidence because it will change the course of human history forever?

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its always the dumbest shit, the stencil for the tattoo I never finished, that brings me to my knees with uncontrollable tears streaming down my cheeks.

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  • It's okay. You'll get through this.

  • imagine what it's like to look at the unfinished tattoo every day............

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Want a cold hard fact about life? We are all alone. No one will help you or stand by you when you go through hard times.

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  • I'm not saying this applies to you, I don't know you, but I've found that most people who claim that nobody is there for them when they face hard times have one of the two things in common: they either push everyone away who tries to help, or they expect people to walk through shit for them without ever returning the favour.

  • Yeah that's not true. You just don't surround yourself with the right people.

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nothing really lasts forever I had to make a choice that was not mine I had to say goodbye for the last time

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  • and chosing something you don't want is?

  • What/who, was so powerful that you were forced to choose something you didn't want?

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I've kept it up as long as I could. But yesterday's argument was the snapping point for me. I always considered the person's ability to hope a strong quality. That no matter the endeavors and trials they might face, that hope is the one thing that gives them the strength to push forward the ongoing storm. Hope, a powerful ally and a warm trait to always admire. I've always considered my hope to be hardly unbreakable. I've treked a lot of trials and pains and always held onto hope. Until I met my fiancee. we've been together for close to three years now (you might recall me from the Eric confession two days ago). We've had our fair share of arguments that reach extreme levels to the point where we are on couple's counseling. She constantly wonders why we're together and I'm always holding on to hope that we can find the middle ground to be better and last a lifetime. until. until yesterday she admitted she never had hope for us and still doesnt. that broke me. she admitted to not putting as much effort as i do and she doesnt feel exactly as strongly as I do about her. So why should I hope for s better resolution when she doesnt? who should I work myself to death with two jobs, the sole income provider of the house for us and a two year old child? why should I spend hours on end away from them for her to not have hope for us? so I gave up my hope. it's dead. this relationship is in the hands of the fates.

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  • It's not in the hands of fate. There's no such thing as fate, other than the one you determine yourself. You choose your fate. If your relationship is over, then end it. Take action so you can start moving on. Sitting around and doing nothing, waiting for things to happen to you, is even worse than giving up. Sometimes throwing in the towel is the best course of action, and this is one of those times.

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to completely love myself and not constantly compare myself to anyone else is personally one of the most hardest things i have to deal with. which kind of sounds tone deaf and 1st world but i've come to realise that its alot harder than just being said

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should you revaluate your whole friendship with someone when all you feel like is competing with them 24/7? who gets more likes, followers, friends, who's prettier, skinnier etc. When all you feel like is keeping tabs/scores and one upping them in every single fucking thing they do. I've been doing this to an extreme that if something goes wrong (like them getting close to my friends) i completely fall apart and have a mental breakdown thinking im ugly, useless, worthless.. I know this isn't normal; i need to improve my mental health and just get better in general but i don't know if keeping this friendship would help me heal in the process or if it would be faster and quicker if i just let go and focus on me.

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