im in a communal type situation its supose to be a home for me and my children but its not a home its my junkie boyfreinds brothers place and i feel like a used piece of shit for my bf convenience i know hes lying about stuff but i cant being it up he tells me i got nothing and im just lying i have never felt safe and comfortable hes never assured security and has never been my freind hes always been distant made alot of excuses and lied on where and what he makes me out to be crazy so he can keep his good boy image since his mum and partner live on the same property i have no way out i have no income i have no family to help i have had suicidal thoughts i havent been able to pick myself up this time this hasnt been something anyone would be happy about im sick of feeling nothing and wasted being told i got nothing am nothing i dont have freinds to talk to as im quite private and like my alone time only when i need to be social i have no problem well atleast once apon a time i was this is only the tip of the ice berg i literally feel i have no future and my kids will have no mum 4 years ago i was seeing a much brighter picture and i knew who i was and still am i lived and learned and grew and i appreciated all i had been through but this time i dont think theres any saving me this time i dont think god is even here with me Anymore im slowly withering away theres nothing left of me.
I feel that something is really wrong with me, like waves.of depresson.
I really think I may have something wrong inside me. I feel depressed and think my life is pointless. I had a dream that I had a illness, my wife left me and I was dealing with al this alone.
I think I'm incapable of loving someone in a a romantic way and have a full relationship. I'm sorry ladies but your interest doesn't make wanna know you. I'm a misanthrope so...
I hate my job so much.. im 3 weeks in my new job.. but i hate it since day 1.. sometimes i just go into the toillet and cry my soul out. i can not affort to search for another job, this obe takes me 6 months already to find :/
Im 29 yeas old.. this uear ill be 30.. life is going to fast :/.. someday ill wake up like a 70 yeas old grandma.. this make me sad.. i wanna live.. i do not wanna die..
I was once in a hotel in Helsinki for 3 weeks in a vacation. Im a Brasilian woman who lives in switzerland for about 5 yeas now. I dont like switzerland so much.. the thing is.. when i checked out from my hotel in helsinki, the receptio ist asked me if i would travel for another country or if im just going to go home.. i answered “im going home” and he asked me “where is home?” That question bugged my head.. i dont feel like home in switzerland, but brazil is not my home anymore.. and them i just answered “ i dont know, but i live in the moment in switzerland”. Since this day i just have a weird feeling in my heart.. i dont feel like “home” anywhere.. :/ is that normal??? And everyday now i remember the question.. “where is home??” :(
my husband is whoremonger. he's not very bright at all. why didn't i know or see this before? probably because the term narcissist wasn't widely known back then and he wore his mask longer than normal. it wasn't until the 4 DUIs and rehab that all the shit came out in full view. he's a rage monster too. my heart is broken. i don't think ill ever love again. not sure if i want to. im not bitter just broken and numb.
I've been depressed for so long that even when I feel okay, I still look to suicide with rose tinted glasses. It's become a personal belief now to off myself and I've engrained it so deep into my head that I can't think of any other way. I have my own plan and everything. I've grown too comfortable with the idea, but I can't change the way I think about it.
the last woman i kissed but turned me down in the end had that infatuating scent. i was over her until i had that new professor that wore the same perfume. it pulls me down everytime i see her in class and i even get those flashbacks of that smell now frequently. it just makes me sad.