I hurt my back somehow, and I don't even really know what I did. But I'm terrified that this pain is something I'm stuck with forever, just like my dad. This constant pain that on good days is only inconvenient and on bad days is incapacitating. My back seized up so bad earlier that I could barely breathe, I was gasping for air. My dad sat around and let his chronic pain consume him, drawing him to get addicted to pain meds (and several worse things), dragging him back into being an alcoholic. I know that these things were mostly his choice, and how he decided to handle things. But I can't help but fear that his path is the road I'll find myself on. A depressed, lonely person living in self pity in a constant high trying to forget the pain. At least when he broke down, he already had a family. I have no one.
Some anonymous dillhole called a complaint on my baby, they told them that we were in the car with him and he wasn't in his carseat. Which is absolute bullshit, the only time we have ever had him out of his carseat was in the drive way, in an off car and my husband was cleaning the car. I feel like if you can potentially ruin an entire family, I feel like you should be forced to have the balls to sign your damn name. I feel like you are only anonymous when you know its fucking bullshit.
Why do I ruin everything? My TV and my laptop have all gone to shit because of my stupidity. I was experimenting with them and now I don't have any of both in working order. I've ruined my laptop's graphic card and my TV don't recognize hdmi cable signal anymore.
I play cricket. My dad started my love for the game since 5 years ago. He was a coach. He lost his driving licence last year, and he doesn't have a job now. He was supposed to be my number one supporter, but now he is my number one hater. I played like crap in a match yesterday (Sunday.) I am a well known player in the club. I usually don't play for the club I played for yesterday, since I am part of another more official club, and I play in girls matches. (because I am a girl, lol.) Keep in mind that I am still a kid, so obviously I can't do everything right. My dad was umpiring, so that meant he could insult me as much as he wanted. I was playing in a boy's match, but they were young. He was like "You are an idiot" "You don't even know how to play" "You are useless" and more disgusting things. I had lost much of my self-confidence because of him. I told him today after school that I will try harder, and he just went on another stupid rant. He told me that he will no longer help me in cricket and he assumes that I have no interest in the game. NO INTEREST IN THE GAME? Most stupid accusation I ever heard. I love the game, and I told my parents last year that I wanted to take it seriously. So how can he say that? Ugh, I realise this confession is taking a lot of space. Anyway, I love the game, and I hope I can play my best in the future, so he regrets what he said to me. I still have some issues with self confidence, but I am getting stronger and stronger :)
if my crush hates me, i will still respect and protect him from harm someday. i will never let him go.
what would it be like when i dream having sex with my crush? of course i wouldn't dream of it. we have no chance. lost hope
you may not know it, but i love you already. i already know that you think of "us" as friends only.
Dreaming that my crush confessed to me that he also loved me was definitely a dream that I did not want to end honestly. But the truth hurts when reality is waiting for you to wake up and fucking move on that you both have no chance.
I sometimes hate my father. ☹
am having one of those days where you get a punch in the gut seeing how fast things change and it makes you feel old and sad. I went to a mall that I use to visit as a child/teen and so many stores are closed or repurposed into crummy businesses that it's sad. It's like people don't want anything original, tasteful, and vibrant. They want to be the same, streamlined, and look like a button on someone's phone.