It was never easy to move on.
Still missing him even tho he has a girlfriend. He left me hanging.
I used to watch porn around three or four times a day but now I'm just bored with it. I still watch it to masturbate around two or three times a week since I can only cum while watching it. It's a problem I've got. The other problem is that I'm nearly forty years old and can't talk to women, I'm too shy and lack self esteem. I'm afraid of women and the emotional and sexual frustration is killing me. The thing is that I'm just not good with people and relationships. My ex friends are a good example, I treated them like shit constantly when I had ptsd from doing chemo. I've repressed all the revolt because I had the disease and eventually snapped. I'm ranting. Sorry for the long confession.
I have friends, but we never have time to see each other or even talk hardly. I have family, but I've distanced myself from a lot of them because they're toxic. I have animals, but they're just... not the same. I feel like I'm by myself all the time. I never have people to share things with or talk to or do things with. I just wish I wasn't so damn lonely.
Was crying in my dream and as i woke up i noticed that i was also crying...Thats a first...
I just want to sleep next to someone on this twilight cold weather.. i never realized how much that kind of feeling meant to me a lot. I spent my whole life alone and occupied with my work and research. Most of my life I live to study reality yet I cant live in reality. Im stuck in the lab then i go home alone. Heck i dont have close friends to talk to. Just colleagues about work. Sometimes they invite me for a drinking night but its still makes me feel empty though. Its so weird im already 24 years old. i never expect much but a real friend i never have. And now someone to be with which is harder to come by. I never dated men since 8 years ago when i was completely different person
Overthinking kills the happiness of the person. I feel empty inside. Its sucks that i shouldnt be hurting but i want to feel the pain rather than being empty. Like my heart is really familiar of pain. I just want to cry right now i want to be sad because being empty is worse. Im waiting for tomorrow, I think there will be a bad news or what, so i can feel the pain. Im hoping that I can win the battle that im into. Because no one will save me from this only myself. Is it funny that im typing this after watching a happy ending kdrama? I should be happy right? You cant really guess when will this emptiness will occur in your life. And is it weird that my happiness now is being sad or being in pain? I want to message some of my friends to let out my feelings but so scared and im shy too. I think im such a nuisance to them. They are living a happy life and who I am to share my not so important feelings right? Im not worth of attention. My problem is mine and I shouldnt be sharing it to others.
Another month. Another failed pregnancy test followed by another period. Don't wait until you're 30s to have a kid. There is no guarantee. Your fertility drops like a rock as you approach 40. I shouldn't have waited so long. Now what do I have? A career? What's the point without a family?
I have to let go a person that never been mine.
Why almost relationship is hard to forget?