I'm too lazy and irresponsible to have a job
7 months from now i'll be a 40 yrs old virgin man...
I have to keep on living for my mom because shes the only one who cares about me besides the relatives I barely even see. I might start beating people up at this point, I just cant control myself anymore. I need help.
the reason i want to stop liking that famous person i like is because i started having fantasies about her cuckolding me since i cant be with her, i fantasize about her locking me in chastity, wrapping the key around the cock shes sucking. omg i want to to stop i dont want to be into this
I realize its not just about the celebrity i like that my life hurts its just that i dont have any love or affection. i try to be super healthy and eat perfect and do meditation and cold shower and breathing and train everyday all kinds of things but really it doesnt matter love is the strongest thing for health and happiness and i dont have it and dunno how to have it. that aside, jiu jitsu today was fun , im still so scared of virus but like fuck it i guess at this point..
i might move in with a friend, he's the national kickboxing champion and is fighting soon and im gonna rent a room in his house for like a month to prepare for competition. i hope its fun and i make more friends and everything goes good and it helps me forget about the rose thing :/ i chose the worst time to try to un-like her, she just did a photoshoot which she almost never does and its one of the most hottest shes ever done and shes glowing. i wish i had words good enough to explain how much pain i feel knowing shes not here with me
im going trough heartbroke process and i fantasized about this celebrity athlete person i like reaching out to me and acknowledging my existence and i just want to cry a lot and think why didnt u talk to me back then when i wasnt successful and was struggling u were my hero, why couldnt u just talk to me for 5 minutes once but then i realize she did talk to me and i was too weird and she stopped maybe she would listened to me if i said the right things, does anyone know how i can stop feeling bad about it? i am gonna see a person today,a friend, and practice martial arts. im also upset about my parents and family assuming im a bum because i dont make money. im an artist and ill show everyone the power of my art
Excuse me being an edgy bitch for a second. I just wanna fucking die. Like *poof* out of existence. I can never escape the verbal abuse, it's always coming from a different person, and I want to have it just roll off my chest but for some reason I take everything to heart way too easily. My self esteem has hit rock bottom again and I don't know what to do. I don't.
No one knows this but I have been planning out my suicide in silence lately. I have tried telling people how I feel in the past and always get treated like shit so this time I'm gonna keep it to myself (for the most part) until I have it all planned out.
I feel like I try and trick myself into thinking I am a good person but in reality, I'm not.