I'm such a pushover, doormat and submissive cuck.
My father is the worst person I personally know. He doesn't hit me or is an alcoholic or anything, so I'm not sure if I'm "allowed" to complain so heavily - after all, it could be much worse. He just has an awful personality. He's aggressively negative about literally everything, he's childish and self centred, bitter and rude, racist and homophobic. He's also funny, can draw very well and has interesting interests, but those good traits just get lost in his negativity and bitterness. What struck me very hard recently and made me want to write this confession was when he told me how women are hugely inferior, how they don't belong anywhere but in the kitchen and aren't good for anything but sex and doing the household, and how the very thing that's destroying the world right now is the fact that women are allowed to be in leading positions. He told me this, very openly and calmly. I'm his daughter. He is still married to my mother, a WOMAN he's supposed to love and respect, and what angered me most was this blatant disrespect towards her that he expressed with those words. I can't get over this. It's bad enough that I hate my dad, but the worst thing about it is that I can't get out of my head how I'm basically 50% him - genetically, at least, but since he also raised me and was very present my whole life, it's inevitable that he influenced huge parts of my personality. And I feel so awful about this. I don't want any part of him to be part of me. I feel like one of those movie protagonists who find out that the villain is their father and now spend the whole movie being like "I don't want to be like my dad". And yeah, they always end up finding out that they aren't and everything is fine, but what if that's the part that only happens in movies?
I wish I could afford to live somewhere with a fireplace. I love them so much. I love the warmth, I love the smell, I love staring into the fire and dozing off on the couch because I feel that relaxed. I miss it.
I'm so horny that I dreamt about trying to masturbate but people kept walking in just before I'd start or my mom would knock and ask me to go to the gym with her etc. I never did get to do anything. Can't even get off in my dreams, smh
I've cut myself from my friends because I felt I wasn't deserving of them anymore. They're regular adults with jobs and relationships while I depend solely on my mother when I'm almost 40.
Sometimes I wish i'd go to bed and never wake up again.
I always have thing for curly blonde girls. But most of them are straight and conservative. But i love how most of those I met are so sweet and lovely.
One time when I was younger (maybe 10 or 11 years old) my grandma on my mom's side was reading the paper and said someone with the same name as my uncle on my dad's side was in the section for arrest warrants. She didn't know it was actually him and didn't mean to upset me. She was just reading the paper, saw a familiar name, and said it before thinking. I wasn't mad at her for telling me. But it did upset me for awhile that my uncle got arrested and I didn't understand why he'd do that (check fraud). It's not a terribly wrong crime, not murder or anything, but still a shock to my innocent mind. He was my favorite uncle. I still have the stuffed Dalmatian he gave me when I was 4. I just didn't want to believe he could do something so bad. A few months ago, I was reading the warrants page from my hometown, thinking I'd find someone from high school on there since one of my old classmates shared it, and that same uncle was on there. This time for drugs. That I understand even less. He had two small children in the house, what if they saw him high? Or got in his stash? He's also getting divorced because he apparently beat up his wife. Since his ex wife has drug and mental health issues too, my grandma on my dad's side is taking care of his sons. I still love him since he's family, but he needs some serious help. 10 year old me would be devastated right now.
When I was a child, The stars is so many, I can't finish counting. Now I look up, I thought I saw a Star, but it's actually a plane flying.
I have ruined another sex relationship because, again, another woman told me that my penis is too big and thick.