It isn't even funny how starved I am for physical contact. Not even sex. I just want someone to cuddle with me and listen to me talk at the end of my day.
i love a guy that cheated on me and used me for sex.. but i feel empty without him and i don't know why! we were a couple for 9 months.. and even when we broke up.. he still wanted me (for sex i think) and the stupid me wanted to make him happy even if my own happiness was dying by doing that! everytime we have a fight.. i dream about us being friends again for two weeks everyday! and the strange thing is that he apologizes to me.. after that.. maybe i'm being stupid again but i can't be mad at him because he made me very happy somedays.. and made me feel like i wasnt alone when everyone hated me.. . my father died when i was 10 and the guy made feel like i was loved again... i'm ONLY 17 God... why are you doing this? can't people be happy Forever?
nobody really likes me. I know its cliche to say but it's true. the guy I dated for a year never even attempted to be romantic. it was always about sex. all the guys I end up meeting always drop me and go for my sister. my mum tries to make herself belief that she loves me but we all know she just needs me to drive her around and do the things shes too lazy to do. my little sisters are more important to her. I'm the personification of the colour gray. all my friends are just my sisters friends who feel pity for me and "include" me in their plans. I'm ugly, fat, boring, and my speech impediment makes it so that I sound ridiculous all the time. and I hate everything. every single part of it. I try to ignore it, telling myself its just my brain trying to make me sad. but its hard to ignore if the truth is constantly there with you, in the mirror, in the people who you talk to, in your school life. I'll always be the black sheep. I simply don't know what to do anymore to smile. I need to go away, become someone new someone who i won't be ashamed of being. but I know that'll never happen.
Why do I feel so inferior to people who are different from me... In this particular moment, I feel this way about people who are quiet and/or keep their face serious and expressionless most of the time. I, on the other hand, word-vomit constantly when I'm around people I know, which probably annoys everyone, and I am very bad at hiding my feelings or controlling my facial muscles. The expression thing is even worse because I'm excitable, find many things amusing and get confused easily, which I fear makes me come across as childish.
you called him threatening to break up because he disappointed you by cancelling yet another date at the last minute. you concluded he didn't want you. he dared you to break up with him. as you start getting angry he calls, for hours u go back and forth, each trying to be the one who ends it, and he does. he never answers his phone again. hours later after you've told your entire family (that he JUST met) that it's over and most of your friends, he shoots you a text to say " i've loved you a long time. don't want you to leave" this is hours after you accepted it, and asked him to drop your things off while you're at work. Now you feel guilty because the same night in desperation and out of lowered self esteem you went out looking for attention, happening to kiss the guys he HATES at a party. the next morning your now ex texts, I didn't want it to go this way, I don't want to fight. but early before you wake, as he boards a flight on a solo vacation that he previously invited you on, but changed his mind... at the last minute. he says he's going alone for his birthday. you got him some cologne. he will return on your birthday. you fear that he isn't going to acknowledge or it much worse, ruin it, like he did last weekend when you won an award in your professional life and because you looked "too excited" at/for another male recipient he made you chase him around the afterparty begging his forgiveness instead of relishing your accomplishment. None of your family think you should go back, none of your friends, none of your mentors. the worst part is you still want him, but something "fell off the shelf inside" of you. he's just not on the pedestal you had him on and you can never adore, trust and believe in him the way you once did.
I'm terrible at goodbyes. I always cry when I have to say goodbye to someone I won't see for a long time. I get all choked up and can't get any words out. I feel depressed for several days afterwards. I guess part of me is afraid I won't see them again. But the biggest thing is that I don't want to be without them for so long.
My mom died when i was 18 and my dad just died this January. I'm 24 about to be 25 and i dont know...i hate feeling sorry for myself and it makes me never want to talk about it. It wouldnt fix anything. But my mom and I have birthdays 3 days apart we always celebrated together. Mothers day and fathers day is coming and i just dont know how to feel not many people can relate but they care. I just wanted to share that.
I can't wink at people because when I open the eye I closed, it'll point to a different direction from the other.
I'm scared that A) most guys are insensitive and aggressive like my dad, and B) most guys are sadists in bed because I've watched too much porn despite knowing from the start that it would fuck with my mind because I'm so goddamn sensitive. I know how little these apprehensions make sense but I haven't gotten over them. I do talk about them in therapy but I guess it'll take time. But what I still wanted to confess this because I'm really ashamed of these fears and they bother me a lot.
I have almost nothing in my life to show for. If it wasn't for my mother I'd be living in the street. I have depression an anxiety and it's so bad that I can't get a job, friends or gf. I'm two and half yrs of becoming a 40 yrs old virgin. I'm fat, diabetic, had cancer 6 yrs ago. Because of the last one I've became very angry and temperamental that I pissed off all of my now ex friends.