Another month. Another failed pregnancy test followed by another period. Don't wait until you're 30s to have a kid. There is no guarantee. Your fertility drops like a rock as you approach 40. I shouldn't have waited so long. Now what do I have? A career? What's the point without a family?
I have to let go a person that never been mine.
Why almost relationship is hard to forget?
Sometimes i think about it, maybe i feel down all the time because Im obssessed with thinking sad stuff. Self pity, anger, vengeance etc. Maybe im addicted to it and why i never get out of this depressing cycle. Or at least i hope it is like that. And i feel like Im addicted to it because it makes me feel something because not being sad makes me feel empty. Being happy is exhausting so i turn to sadness. Sadness makes me sleepy but waking up from it, i get to see its that one making me more sleepy after all but then i still think it makes me better but i feel like sadness just kills me. So maybe its an addiction. But like an addiction, how do you break an addiction????
My mom is really stressing me out and giving me anxiety a lot lately. I don't know what her deal is, maybe she's stressed about something, but my sister said she hasn't been acting this way towards her. It's just me. Why is she taking it out on me?
And the feelings start to rise. Too bad I have to end it, cause I'm moving abroad. Makes me sad, cause she's a nice girl. Didn't think it'd get to the point of missing her.
Ive had undiagnosed parasites for idk how long. They can really fk up your mind and you dont know
I don't know what brought it on, but my depression has suddenly come back full force after lying dormant for so long... I feel awful. I feel so alone and unwanted. All these terrible whispers keep intruding into my mind, telling me I'm worthless and everyone would be better off with me dead. I hate feeling this way. I know it's not true. ...Right?
I work at a union factory job. I like it there. And as a hobby, I do art on the side. The people at work have found out about this, and now every time some art-related event comes up... 10 different people feel the need to tell me about it. Don't get me wrong, I'm flattered that they think I'm actually good at art (I'm not) and it's nice of them to tell me about things they think I'll be interested in... but this also leads to me getting roped in to doing things I don't really want to do. For example: one of our beloved employees is retiring this month after 30 some odd years of service to our company. And they asked me to draw her a kind of poster for everyone to sign. I say "asked", but really, they just assumed I'd do it and told me to. And I love her to death and I'm happy to make something for her, but they only gave me two weeks' notice for an 18" x 24" piece, and I work all week, so I only have weekends to work on it, and last weekend something more urgent came up. So I now have to get this project done in two days. I hate this. I hate the pressure on me. I hate knowing that every person in my building will see this drawing and be analyzing and judging it. I hate that I didn't even get to decide what to draw, my mom completely commandeered the project; I'm just the pen and she's the author. (My mom works with me at this place.) So I'm not very passionate about this piece because it's not what I want to do. I feel like my creativity is being stifled. I hate that I'm just a machine to bring other people's ideas to life because they can't get it out on paper. I hate that my own ideas drown in the sea of other people telling me what to do, not just in art, but in life in general. I just hate it.
We humans are nothing but a fungus that exists in a big rock.