Today was one of the worst days , i am injured and cant go train or hangout outside cuz of virus, im back at my parents home. so the Rose thing today hurt more than ever and its getting really unbareable, i decided that i dont want this anymore, i deleted a bunch of messages that she ignored on ig, and im gonna stop trying to talk to her.. if i ever do achieve my dreams and she talks to me im just gonna tell her than i don't want to talk now, i wanted to talk when i was alone and in pain and needed someone to show me some hope but she ignored me, thats what im gonna tell her :/ its gonna need so much effort and im so so so alone and have no one to talk to but ill have to force myself to stop writing to her, its too terrible for my mental health. i cry every night. someone please just make this stop
I hate to admit it, but those Neonazis were right: there would be an american race war, and now it already goes on for a few month. Peaceful protests - my ass! As an outside observer, I can tell you what will happen soon in a best case scenario. Trump will get reelected, people will riot some more and then either a proper civilwar will break out (maybe by use of the insurrection act) or the US will go full Weimar republic. In all honesty, the USA seem quite fucked as of now. I advise you, no matter if you are black or white, conservative or liberal, get guns as soon as possible and fortify while you still can - It may be to late as if now. I hope I am wrong.
If your happy and you know it clap your hands..... If your sad and you know it clap your hands..... If your really temperamental or don't know how to feel now. If your a hot mess clap your hands..... *clap clap*
i am still with a hole in my heart because Rose hasn't talked to me and i am getting worse and worse depression and only liking her even more :/ i just wish she talked to me sometimes and new my name and wondered if im doing ok sometimes
Confrontation gives me such awful anxiety I feel I could have a panic attack everytime I have to confront someone on something and I'm not angry(when I'm angry I'm great at it and I have to work really hard not to go to far because my temper is monstrous)
I'm nearly 20 years old and I'm still afraid of the dark.
im trying to eliminate flour products and grain and its so hard and theres no food for me in the house . my mom and family are desintegrating and im too, we only ate flour everyday our whole life and sugar, no wonder we are so sick always of everything and breaking down... what are they doing to us fuck... regardless i have to stay focused and ill start feeling better, i was thinking of eating a really fatty cut of beef today but dont know how to cook really , and if i cook everyone gonna be like omg what u cooking hurr durr were your family were retarded hurr durr what what were gonna ask what youre doing so we can dismiss it hurr durr were retarded thats how they act cuz they suck
I am super introverted and I really dislike being around people. I mostly just like to lay in bed, but I get super depressed. being around people gives me so much anxiety, and drains my energy so much. everywhere I go I feel I am hiding behind a mask. I wish I was different but this is who I am. I used to use drugs to escape from who I am and to feel more comfortable being around others. Drugs were obs not the answer though...they ruined my life. I'm sober now, 19 months. But I am so depressed. There is no motivation. No meaning. Every day is the same.
Somtimes I just want to give up and leave all social media (especially Facebook and Snapchat) permanently and leave them all behind. They aren't good places for me to be especially since nothing good ever comes out of using these apps or anywhere else online for that matter in my experience. Every time I get online (95% of the time) it's always a terrible experience. ☹
Rose is the best in the world i love her so much it hurts everyday it hurts so frickin much shes the only person who understands me but she dont talk to me and it hurts so much i dont want it to hurt anymore i just wanted her to acknowledge me and see that im a real ninja and that we both want same things in life and i just want to do good and stop having money problems and get paid for my art and have the chance to show im the best at jiu jitsu i learning soooo much kimuras because they're the best, and i knew they were the best because Rose does them, its really easy if u just do things like she does u will win because shes smart as hell :/ not everyone acknowledge that i wish u all knew that shes a frickin genius and after she got slammed she maybe dont seem so smart anymore but she still is i promise shes a genius and i love her... i will prove everyone that she was a genius way ahead of her time by fighting like her and winning on everyone.. she always say to have fun in training and shes so right because shes so smart... im getting a thing so i can do ice baths with my friends also Rose made a prediction for me saying i would have friends, well guess what i just made 2 frickin friends who are my friends sooooo hard they help me when i needed sleep and ask me to hangout at their place and get me in on their drug dealing job they are super my friends and im so happy... im gonna make even more just like she said :p anyway yeah i started writing because i get just really really really really really sad i feel like she like ignores me or doesnt like me or that ive been annoying, i just wanted to get her attention since she doesnt seem to see my dms :/ its not that im crazy im just trying to have her see it, the last one she saw while i sent it she hearted it and it was nice.. i wish shed read them again and i wish she was my friend and i wish my kind of style was her favourite kind of style and i wish the way that i train was her favourite martial arts and the food that i cook be her favourite kind of food and i know we have similar music taste and i wish she talked more about musics every song she recommend i fell in love so hard and she listen to things i listened and im sooooo annoying and picky with music i wont listen to almost anything i dont think its perfect and a vibe for me.. basically im just trying to say i love her and im in pain