Rose is the best in the world i love her so much it hurts everyday it hurts so frickin much shes the only person who understands me but she dont talk to me and it hurts so much i dont want it to hurt anymore i just wanted her to acknowledge me and see that im a real ninja and that we both want same things in life and i just want to do good and stop having money problems and get paid for my art and have the chance to show im the best at jiu jitsu i learning soooo much kimuras because they're the best, and i knew they were the best because Rose does them, its really easy if u just do things like she does u will win because shes smart as hell :/ not everyone acknowledge that i wish u all knew that shes a frickin genius and after she got slammed she maybe dont seem so smart anymore but she still is i promise shes a genius and i love her... i will prove everyone that she was a genius way ahead of her time by fighting like her and winning on everyone.. she always say to have fun in training and shes so right because shes so smart... im getting a thing so i can do ice baths with my friends also Rose made a prediction for me saying i would have friends, well guess what i just made 2 frickin friends who are my friends sooooo hard they help me when i needed sleep and ask me to hangout at their place and get me in on their drug dealing job they are super my friends and im so happy... im gonna make even more just like she said :p anyway yeah i started writing because i get just really really really really really sad i feel like she like ignores me or doesnt like me or that ive been annoying, i just wanted to get her attention since she doesnt seem to see my dms :/ its not that im crazy im just trying to have her see it, the last one she saw while i sent it she hearted it and it was nice.. i wish shed read them again and i wish she was my friend and i wish my kind of style was her favourite kind of style and i wish the way that i train was her favourite martial arts and the food that i cook be her favourite kind of food and i know we have similar music taste and i wish she talked more about musics every song she recommend i fell in love so hard and she listen to things i listened and im sooooo annoying and picky with music i wont listen to almost anything i dont think its perfect and a vibe for me.. basically im just trying to say i love her and im in pain
I was held at gunpoint as a kid with my sibling and mom by my step dad who also spent years raping me and letting his friends as well. I have a huge fear of guns I have night terrors of situations where I am being held at gunpoint by men and end up having to use my body as a way to coerce them not to kill me. any time I am near a gun or see one I go into panic feeling like I can't breath in all the way and intense fear. If I go to a friend's house and they have one or even if I see somebody carrying one I automatically think they're going to point it at me and hold me at gunpoint. obviously I know this is an irrational fear that probably stems from everything I went through but my question is how the hell do I get over this fear. I'm sick of feeling like I'm going to hyperventilate or completely freak out everytime... I've considered forcing myself to hold a empty gun in order to get over this fear but every time I actually try and do it I can't...
I've brought loneliness and isolation on myself.
I've been on my antidepressants again for last 3 months for PTSD they help but sometimes I feel like stopping them because I feel guilty for getting better and feeling even a tad bit happier ... survivor's guilt can really mess you up even tho I wanna feel happiness I'm not sure I deserve it
There's no one I wanna fuck, make love, call what you will. I'm a man in his late 30s
No one likes me and with good reason
Am I a bad gf for telling my bf no too anal and no too c*mmin inside?
I wish I thought I was atteactive.
theres this girl that i used to like when we were like 14 and stuff and recently she seeked me out and talked to me, but now im not attracted to her anymore, she got ugly feminist hair now and also got overweight and looks unhealthy, but im also very lonely because of 2020 stuff, i was generally dismissive of her while trying not to be rude, we still on good terms i think, i am writing this because im starving for affection, would it be weird to hangout with her just to get hugs and to have her pat my hair and hold me and things like that????? if i kinda do those things to her but don't kiss or fuck she would think im crazy , or think im mocking her, or worse think im rejecting her which im kinda am technically i guess????? i dont know if i should but i wanted to experience some affection again. a hug from a girl, a kiss on the forehead t----t
Rose is dating her coach who started hitting on her when she was 13 and he was 30... she's still with him to this day engaged.. when i think about it i want to kill myself. if she ever marries and has kids i think i'll do it