I can't watch Guardians of the Galaxy. The part at the end with the card from his mom just made me cry so much and not in a good way. Normally, sad parts will make me cry a little but I can still enjoy it and think it's a beautiful story. That scene though, it made me think of the rudest thing I ever said to my mom and how it was for the stupidest thing ever. I can't even remember what it was about, but I know it was stupid and not her fault. I don't even know if I apologized for it. I had flashbacks to that and then thought of how many times I probably hurt her and never apologized. I flashbacked to the night she died and the funeral. I cried for what seemed like hours after the movie was over. I was barely paying attention to the rest of the movie, I was just so upset and trying to not cry. I didn't enjoy feeling like that and I don't know if I could watch it again without breaking down. Just thinking about it now while I type this is making me cry.
Right now it feels like having a 'heart' is a curse...
I like to masturbate and I felt guilty and dirty after. some advice? im a girl
plzzzz i really love to singing and i want to cover a song, my favorite song! but im suck at mixing. WHY MIXING IS SO HARDDDDDDDDD 😭 I'm too broke to have a commission 😭
God damn. I am sad that you want anyone but me. Fuck. I'm so angry for letting myself get dragged on for so hard when I knew what was going on.
nothing pains me more than seeing my mom stress and cry about her divorce with my dad. there's only so much I can say or do. we'll stay on the phone for hours while I let her vent and talk to me about it. the best I can offer is a ear since I'm in the other side of the country. I need to go home so I can hug her and tell her everything will be okay.
I thought today was going to be a good day. Finally showered after too long for me to admit. My hair looked nice. Put lotion and perfume on. Ate breakfast. Anxiety before work was minimal. Except for working out or doing yoga, I did all the things that make me happy and relaxed. Get to work, take one long annoying phone call, then go to a meeting where I'm fired. My sales metrics were way below goal for too long. I didn't even realize it was that bad until now. But it's a call center with different projects and they suggested coming to HR in a few days to apply for another project. There's one for FedEx that's not sales heavy at all. I've heard you just help people with their orders, the only metric is handle time. Their next class starts in about two weeks. I'm hoping I can get into that one. If not, hopefully another call center will take me. I'm 25 and that's the first time I've ever been fired. I've had 5 jobs, including that one, and I've always given notice before quitting. I'm hoping I can get something that's strictly customer service, no sales. I just need something fast, bills are coming up. If you're a praying kind of person, pray for me please.
I think a lot of my problems with social interaction come down to my low self-esteem. The fear of speaking, difficulty to trust people, letting people push me around. I wonder how long it will take me to like myself. I've been going to therapy for, what, four years? But I haven't made much progress on self-esteem and I know I can't rely on my therapist forever. And I hear that the actual self-worth should come from me alone and can't be given by others so how much can I lean on my therapist anyway? But even when I try, I just feel so inferior. There are some awesome people that I admire and I keep feeling that I'm less than them because I'm nothing like them. I know that it's stupid to compare yourself to others, but this bothers me so much because I really wish to be friends with some of those people or people like them. I'm scared that they won't like me because I'm not like them and I don't have any cool skills like they do. I just want to have friends, but I know I shouldn't let that affect my self-image either. But I feel really lonely anyway.
I wish my mom would quit putting me down all the time. I feel like every thing I get excited about, every plan I have, every dream I want to make happen, she shoots them all down and tells me nothing will work, it's not worth it, it's not possible, etc. I'm just tired of her negativity. I'm tired of her making me feel discouraged and keeping me from wanting to even try. She's my mom, she's supposed to support me and lift me up, not criticize me and tear me down.
I'm scared of relationships because my parents' relationship always made me feel unsafe. They argued about even smallest things - one of them first misinterpreted the other and got offended or angry, and then they both just refused to understand. It was constant, at least a few times every day. I was always on guard, fearing that a fight might break out at any time. I was also scared of expressing thoughts that conflicted theirs because I wanted to avoid possible conflicts. Now I'm scared that my own relationships will be like what I just described and that I'll never find someone I feel emotionally safe with.