Today i did my first muay thai practice in like a year, with other ppl that is, i had been training alone at home. i expected to do much better than i did, i sucked really bad, looked silly, didnt dodge as many punches as i thought i could at all and we werent even punching fast. my friends said wow ur good, but im not, i should be much better than this, i got very sad, and then afterwards i was walking home and looking at my ig and i saw Rose was online, i wanted to write her about it but i thought it would be tactless, so i just told her that shes my hero and that shes the best, and she hearted my reply immediately, they i said ''omg hi'' and she saw it but didnt reply or heart it.. then i just said have a good night Rose, and she didnt see that one. i hate this feeling that i dont matter and not care for, i wish she cared for me, i wish she was my friend, i wish she thought well of me and wasnt annoyed like she probably is. so this is what actual despair feels like, i just wish it would stop, i just wish i could fast forward to 10 years when Rose is my friend and we hangout and i tell her about my life and listen to her and she thinks well of me
Sometimes, thoughts and emotions about my ex cheating on me with someone else and how my ex just threw me away and replaced me and also how my ex never really cared about me still continue to arise even though I have moved on into another relationship and love the person I'm with. It just makes me feel like I'm not irreplaceable and it makes me question whether or not I'm irreplaceable in my current relationship.
last night I did get a chance to visit with some members of my family from my Uncle Jacob and my cousin Meosha and my niece Lexie, and my stepsister Ladonna . Well my sister Vanessa on the other hand is still acting like a horse's ass bitch ,she came by last night and dropped the papers off to her mom and she dipped off to her vehicle. I am really worried about her and her depression state right since her boyfriend Ty dumped her without explaining to her ,she said that she's okay but I think she's lying cause she doesn't want her mom in her business or something. Just everyone keep my sister Vanessa in your prayers ,I just hope that she stops her knucklehead behavior towards the family.
lately i have been feeling more and more depressed and feeling despair, i think it's the Rose thing, i just feel worthless because shes not my friend or cares about me. it's so stupid i know, she can't even know about me, but i just feel uncared for and unimportant, she replied to me once and i think she was like open to be my friend and talk to me, but i must not have said the right things, and she never replied again, and i just feel sad thinking she doesn't know me or care about me and that she isn't my friend and that she doesnt think well of me or anything like that. everyday i feel suicidal really badly, i just want this to stop, i just wish she acknowledged me, and talked to me, and knew my name, i wish i didn't feel so inferior to her, i wish i hadn't wasted my youth and had done all the things she did so today i could be a dignified cool awesome person like her, but im not, im almost her age and have nothing to show for it, while she's 28 and already owns the universe, im 25 and a bum, i have nothing, im so distant from her and i want to cry everyday all the time
I need therapy so bad but I am also scared to do things on my own. Its to the point that I think if i had to start fully living dependently, I will would fail miserably and probably be homeless.
I have a medical condition maybe someone here can help me with. For the last 4 to 6 months, I have this hard ring of tissue on my dick, right under the glans. It expands when errect and doesn't really seem to make any problems (no loss in size, no curvature). Research into the topic had shown that it is likely a swollen lymph vessel from hard sex and/or masturbation... but the thing is; it doesn't go away. Surely, sometimes it is more pronounced, sometimes less so, but it doesn't go away. Indeed, I could just go to the urologist; but I went there two times this year already for different issues that had proven to be psychosomatic in the end and he had never found anything weird with the tissue of my penis, so I do not wish to go there due to A)+ the sheer embarissment of showing my dick again and B) I do not want him to think that I go there for some bizarre form of sexual kick.
So I am weird with kids. I dint mind babies and kids but at first I'm like "I don't want to touch them" that's because I can't have kids. for a long time I wasn't having my period, and finally my parents started to get me looked at. and after so many medications, and getting good at as a medical mystery. I have a birth defect where I was born without a ureters and my vaginal canal.
Ever feel like your heart is heavy and you dont know really why. You just hurt..
The fact that my boyfriend is cheap really bugs me. He always lets me to pay our meals. We have the same salary and his family is richer than mine. He’s perfect but cheap😿
love when friends will keep up a conversation and ghost when I ask to hang out,, just tell me no instead of ignoring me