I have so many confessions posted on here, and so many more to come. What the fuck is wrong with me?
I just ruined my girlfriends prettiest dress by accident, this dress has a lot of emotional value to her. I have never seen her cry like this and I feel absolutely terrible about it.
My fiance and me live together and I've noticed something strange that I don't know how to explain. A few months ago I found a long black hair in our bathroom. Today I was cleaning and I found another hair just like it. The first time I mentioned it to him. He said that he didn't know where it was from so I brushed it off but this time I'm concerned. Tbf we're together most of the time so that would leave him limited time to cheat if he even wanted to. However I definitely know that no person who has been in our flat has hair even remotely similar and I'm pretty sure it's like the same one that I found the last time. One heck of a coincidence and I don't know what to think.
Ugh like you were the one who broke the trust in the first place, and idk how to "just start trusting you" again. idk what that even means, and on top on that, I already have trust issues and am so mentally messed up, uhhhhh what is even going on.....?????????
How is it that I have more then most but I still feel completely empty???
I feel like every time I'm happy some thought or piece of anxiety comes along and is like nope uh-uh not happening you're not allowed to be happy and then I worry and then when I finally muster up the courage to say what that thought is .. it turns out to be a super silly thought I'm tired of having happy periods and then I worry over something super silly and stupid and it kills my whole mood stupid anxiety
Some days all I can think about is plunging a dagger into my chest and just letting all of the pain and suffering pour out. Throwing myself over a rail and falling headfirst into the rushing water to wash away the anguish. Taking one too many steps past the edge of a cliff and losing myself in the wilderness beneath, the trees shattering the hollow shell of a person that I once was. I don't want to die. But sometimes I just crave the sweet release that would come after.
I see some of the most trash ass people finding awesome relationships...I mean, how did you pull this off??? Some of us out here are really deserving of someone, but the trash sucked out all energy needed to pursue such. We are forced to rebuild ourselves, while they move on with their lives, and carrying on, and possibly ruining somebody else...You are a waste of life, who's winning...Am I the only one who feels this way????
A mutual friend told me today that my boyfriend behaves the way he does because he stopped caring and he hasn't cared for years. The realization hit me that he probably never has. I'm starting think he doesn't have the ability to actually love someone. It believe he's just one of those people that can't be alone and he's just settled for me because I love him.
I really miss Robin Williams.