How does one go to therapy and not sound like a whiny little bitch who's making a big deal out of everything just to get attention? Like, I'm just getting worse. And I don't think it's just depression, but every time I explain it I feel like I'm begging for attention or that I'm exaggerating how it really is. But I know I'm hurting those around me, and I can see it. I just want to fix it. I want to go back to how things used to be, when I felt normal.
Fuck it. it's pointless to even try.everythin is fucked up beyond any chance of working out in my favor.... ive fucked this life up and now it's time to put an end to this foolishness.
I feel so alone and ashamed. This girl I know is upset with me because I wont share my feelings with her, and because I'm always putting myself down. She told me she is angry with me because she wants to hell me, but I refuse to talk with her. But that isn't the case. I've lived a hard life, where no one cared about me or my pain. I just dont know how to talk about my issues. I dont know what to say, all I know is that I'm in even more pain because she cant understand that. I dont know if I can last much longer like this.
I just wanna have a deep and meaningful connection with someone. Every person I meet these days just bore me. Or maybe I've become old and boring lol
Any contact with him makes me happy, it brightens my day instantly. Even if it's just a three word comment on a fb post. Haven't seen him for two months almost. I'm kinda scared things will be different after this forced absence. Sometimes he talks like I really mean something to him. Other times it's only sexual stuff. It's almost three years since we finally met in person. I don't know what the future holds.
I don't like staying up at night. because then I think too much and tears come with it. I cry about being too indecisive and starting college without the confidence in my degree or what I chose to do. I cry cause I haven't had a decent grade in the past 4 years and I can't remember the last time I made my mother proud. I cry cause ntn has went wrong but in these times I know I never feel right either. I cry cause I doubt my mother and close family see the importance of psychiatric professionals like I do. or Why I'd consider seeing one. I cry, silently, so I don't wake the house, until my nose clogs and it's so hard breathe I'm just suffocating in a whole new way. and when I finally sleep and wake up I "forget" all about it. cause that was then and this is now. that was night and this is day. and if I don't let them mix or bleed between each other then it's easy to actually enjoy the few things that I cling to.
it's always when there's quite around me that my thoughts are the loudest. The people and friends of the day distract me but if I stay up too long at night then tears come too. I cry for how indecisive I am and how I don't know what is want to do despite starting college. I cry cause I haven't gotten a decent average in years and I can't remember the last time my mom was proud of me. I cry cause ntn is wrong but ntn feels right either. I cry cause I doubt my close family understands the need of a counsellor or psychiatrist.or my interest in one. I cry for the hobbies I stopped doing and new things I don't feel good enough to try. I cry until my nose clogs and I just suffocate in a whole new way. and when I finish it's simply moments b4 I start up again. and eventually I sleep and pretend like with the day ntn ever happened. because that was night and this is day. and I feel as if if I don't keep them separate then I'd never feel alright for a long time.
being the only one stuck at home with my mum is so damaging to my mental health
I have a problem that my idol is a very pretty woman and i ended up falling in love with her and now i'm always thinking about her and really upset with my situation and how she doesn't even know me. i keep dreaming that if i can achieve something she would acknowledge me but that also makes me depressed
my dad molested me. I don't tell anyone because otherwise he's a good dad and I know it's bad but it felt good.