i'm in crisis identity, i feel like i don't belong to anywhere
I was deprived of attention when I was little that when my son hugged me back for the fist time I actually cried.
I lied about my age online and ended up sexting with someone (them not knowing my real age) over the course of 4 days and ended up feeling a real connection. We both said incredibly explicit things to each other while we both got our rocks off too. I told them yesterday and I feel horrible because they never deserved to be lied to. They said I was the same age as their sister and they just couldn't continue talking to me (which is obviously understandable). But I will never understand how I could act so compulsively in that moment without really thinking about the consequences. I've since deleted that social media account entirely along with our messages to each other. I feel horrible and I never want to hurt someone like that again, but I'm afraid I will. I'm scared and I want to fix myself but don't know how.
I do things compulsively without realizing and hurt people (emotionally)without meaning to, yet don't truly recognize the weight of what I've been doing till it's already said and done. In the moment I see vaguely that it's bad but it's not until it's too late to go back that I feel guilt and remorse for it. And that guilt is enormous, like a PHYSICAL BOLDER on my chest mixed with a constant nagging feeling of anxiety. I want to get better and not do it anymore but I have no clue where to start. How did I stop this compulsive lying and behavior before I'm too far gone?
i absolutely have no one. i dont know if i can keep doing this.
I do love him and I want every inch of him to be mine.... But God means more to be then lustful desires do so till that becomes something he's interested in I'll play the long game.... I'm sorry my baby every bit of you is precious and everything I want right now but I can't have you unless we are equally yoked
I'm afraid of sabotaging good things that come my way because of fleeting desires and because I get so excited So fast for lobe and relationships that when I come down off the high of newness and take off rose colored license I will hurt someone again.... I don't get hurt when I leave I'm always doing the hurting and they fall so hard so fast it should be a crime I can do this without trying. Am I just lacking for emotional connection, are my standards to high, do I have something I want to achieve and then leave? What is it that makes it so hard for me to stay and make a long term commitment???? (maybe it's because so many platonic relationships I have that were supposed to break did so now I afraid of something much more precious breaking.
I have depression. I feel terrible but I don't want pills or to see a doctor. I feel weak and pathetic enough already. And that's the worst part. I feel crappy all the time but I just can't muster the strength to do anything about it. I hate myself. I have thought of killing myself more and more frequently.
I'm on the edge, I'm getting crazy
how can i heal from loving that celebrity fighter person? i tried to simply stop it and felt even worse, i never felt this bad and i cry everyday all day and cant do things, im failing at my activities, having a hard time to get out of bed and do stuff, is there a way to just make it stop, im always worrying and comparing and feeling like shit cuz i wasted my youth and am a loser compared to her, and that i dont matter, am not interesting or relevant in any way because she doesnt think im worthy of replying to