It's night. I have class in six hours. I have to read 150 pages and be prepared to discuss the book in class. I've been a lazy dumbass.
It took me 5 days to respond to an e-mail of only one paragraph. Goddamn social anxiety.
Every time I think that there is no way He could make me happier, he does. Last week, after school, We walked to the forest Where no one could see us, And he said, “Happy Valentine's Day.” And handed me a small, black box. I opened it. It was a bracelet Made of leather. And on the inner side of it, The side that would touch The skin of my wrist, It said Seth In sparking, green, cursive letters. “Green because it’s your favorite color,” he said. “And my name’s on the inside, So that way, Only you know it’s there. Just you, and no one else. To represent the privateness of our relationship. Until I come out, of course. Then I’ll be able to show you off to the world.” Then he pulled up his sleeve And said, “I got one for me, too.” And he showed me the bracelet On his wrist Made of leather Just like mine. Except, on the inside, his said Finnick, in sparkling, red, cursive letters. For a moment I was frozen, but Then I hugged him. Partly because I wanted to, And partly because I didn't want him to see The weird expression my face Had twisted into. Because I was so happy But so frustrated, too. Because there was so much I wanted to say. So much I wanted to tell him. I wanted to say: "Thank you, I love it, This means so much to me, It’s lovely, Thank you so much. I can’t believe you would do this for me. This is so thoughtful. I seriously love it." But I just couldn't. And it broke my heart. But he cupped my face with his hands And he said, “It's okay, Finnick. I understand.” And he kissed me. On the nose. For the first time. Which was less than I wanted, But more than I deserved. And I felt my face heat up with embarrassment As I pulled out my gift for him From my backpack. The flip book I had made Of all the pictures we had ever Taken together and of each other Since the day we met, Felt so light And meaningless In comparison to what he Had just given me. But he flipped through it With bright, sparkling eyes As if it was the best thing in the world. And it made me happy beyond happy.
I've been absent from school for a while now like i can't go one week straight,each week i skip a day or two...and i must admit that I'm wasting my time at home and losing track but the fact that i was absent for a long while is frightening. it makes me afraid of going to school and face all the questions that my classmates and teachers will ask...i really don't feel like going to school ever again. I'm so unmotivated and that's scary too because deeo down i know i need to get back on track but at the same time i refuse it
I have a friend who is annoying and quite a hypocrite. Otherwise I like her, obviously, but those two things are getting out of hand lately. She's having exams currently, and every day I get about 5 messages of her saying how stressed out she is, how she's never going to make it, how she'll have to drop out and live on the streets... thing is, she's smart and always gets good grades. She already got back some exam results (exams she stressed over, too) and they're all straight A's. So, especially as someone who REALLY struggles with exams and gets a lot of D's and F's, this alone annoys me a lot. But what makes it worse is the fact that the other 5 messages she sends me are her complaining about two other girls in her major, who stress about exams although they're smart. She literally complains about other people doing what she's doing herself. I'm really close to loosing my shit and tell her how ridiculous she is, but I don't think I should do that because she's quite sensitive. I just hope that she will stop complaining when exams are over.
Mom called me handicapped infront of the teacher. Im not handicapped
what's the difference between i got my results and i got my results back. The latter sounds better though
I didnt get accepted to my job application and this is the first time i felt happy not getting accepted. Because from the interview i just know how much this job is gonna cause me stress and increase ny depression plus i have heavy college courses and they want ne to prioritize them not the class. Plus the job sucks too. Its hard to find a job but its harder to find a good job.
The only reason why I keep studying in university is to avoid shame. If I wasn't in the uni, I probably wouldn't find a job and I'd be just like my NEET cousin who my father dislikes and then he'd probably hate me too. I know that I should be more concerned about the fact that if I was unemployed while not studying, I would be a burden to society.
There was a note on my desk when I walked into class on Friday. You see, I'm a new student, Friday was only my third day, so I still don't have any friends. The note was just a folded piece of paper with neat pencil handwriting. This is what it said: "Welcome to ******* **** High School! My name is 2010 Justin Bieber (Chris ****) and I would like to welcome you to our umm...*cough* "special school," or as I like to call it, well, I just call it school. Have fun listening to Mr.***** telling you to wake up when you're not even sleeping, or telling you to stop doing, well, everything except staring into your computer and slowly going insane. Trust me, once your sanity is gone it gets easier. Oh, a few tips. 1, always ignore the voices, they set in about your second week, 2, if you see a demon in the bathroom, it's just Billy, the friendly spirit who haunts the bathrooms, 3, always look depressed, it keeps the teachers happy. Just kidding. You're gonna be fine, the teachers are pretty lit, just do your work and you'll be fine. Sincerely, Christopher ****" Cute, right? I think so too. But because it was only my third day, I do not know who Christopher is. So I could not thank him for the kind letter, even though I truly wanted to. Imagine, you go out of your way to write a sweet and funny letter to the new girl, and she doesn't even say anything to you. I've never felt more guilty. I want to find out who he is, but at this school, there is hardly any time for talking, so this is going to be difficult. I'm also worried, because if he gave me this letter on Friday morning, and I don't say anything to him until Monday, would it be a bit awkward? Oh man, what if I've made him feel embarrassed or regretful by not saying anything? Crap, I should have asked somebody who Christopher is as soon as I read the letter. Why didn't I do that? I should have done that. I feel really bad, obviously. How can I make this better?