I WANT TO LET THIS OUT: I have a professor that touched me in my college two years ago. When he did that, I never came to his class again. I tried and tried to pass his class because I need his class and he's the only professor teaching it and it's only offered in one semester I know I need to pass his class. He was horrible, and it also came with a coincident time my father died from a car accident back in LA. I live in a different state so I have to fly down there to attend the funeral. I came back with a note that I came for a funeral and he never accepted it and failed me in my 30% exam without any chance of re-take because he only accepts a doctor's note (not death, sports, conference notes etc). He never said this in the syllabus that he never accept beyond a doctor's note. He never really remembered the time he touched me I guess but he did again. He touched me.. now the end of semester, I failed his class. My GPA went down and I lost three scholarships that only help me afford a college tuition. I was stupid of not dropping his class but I want to graduate on time but him in my life, that probably hindered me what happened to me made me emotionally confused. Now you see, I only have a father and a brother as my relative and since my dad died, I'm by myself (my brother lives in europe away from me), I don't know anyone on my mom's side or my dad's side. And since I lost three scholarships, I have to do something about it. The time my professor touched me then, I felt dirty actually and used it as my asset to work as a stripper. I quit my dreams as pre-med student and majored in something easier to afford paying for college and graduate on time. It's so hard you know. But now I'm a stripper but I'm in no way telling my brother because I know how he'll feel bad that he failed me. But I don't want him to know my problems and pas it on to him. He's my ONLY family. Now though, I'm trying to make an evidence that he touched me so next time I can sue him. And right now my grades, I'm working on, I'm two points to get the grades back and get out of stripping already. I honestly don't like it but it pays me good money tbh. Good money.
I was at home minding my own business when someone added me on snapchat. He straight up sent a message, telling me he saw me on campus, that he thought I'm cute so he asked one of my friends for my snapchat username. He then asked If I was bi(I'm a guy)...Now, I got someone adding me on Sc last year and asking me the same thing( he then sent me nudes and I blocked him for that) .Really few ppl from college have me on sc and I'm getting really stressed because no one knows about me liking boys.
I have a friend that graduated from a college abbreviated as STI. Sometimes my wildest thoughts came to make me think that my friend must be graduate of STI majoring in sex.ed.
School told me not to go away on the long weekend because its straight after my mid year exams. I was convinced for one day that i wasnt going away. Im going to go to the greatest event in history. Im not waiting 2 years for another opportunity for merch and great memories.
I feel so close to giving up on school altogether. My last year, im going insane, im not making smart decisions. I dont even know if I want pursue the career of my dreams anymore. Wanted to do it since i was 15. And at 18 i feel so consumed by my mental health, i just dont know anymore. I dont feel good enough, and i dont know i am or if i'll ever be.
It's weird that I was more mature at 19 than now at 20. And I don't know what happened.
It's soooo difficult for me to start something. Like literally my heart pounds and I get headaches. Then once I start it, I always wonder how I was able to manage to start and continue. And my work always consist fo computer work and while working my head always hurts. And everytime I use a computer, I always end up going to email, Facebook, then this, then Youtube which will then take away my whole day. I already put my phone away but I use my computer more than my phone and it's hard.
i feel like i took a leap of faith by choosing to not to go to college. but it's so hard to work on your own like this. i understand now why people go to college, but i think i still won't go.
He seemed genuinely surprised that I wanted a hug from him. He seemed so... relieved when I hugged him, like it was quenching a dying thirst. He hugged me tighter than he ever has, and for just a moment, it almost felt more like I was comforting him than casually giving him a friendly goodbye. But maybe it's all in my head.
I feel so lost with my major right now. I don't know what the heck I'm doing. I know college don't give me fortune or even stable jobs (as for my bio major). And I'm not happy to get in to med school. So I'm lost. really lost. ANd I just want to get rich honestly. Just want to focus on my income. So far I'm not in debt because I have full scholarship. only enough to pay my whole fucking tuition plus housing. But I'm lonely. Plus the major I have doesn't even introduce the specific science I want. And like what? I have to go to grad school to do that? What an actual fuck? Another money spending... And right now, I'm just way too depressed looking at my money and I only have $20 on my bank account, almost homeless and thinking how I can manage to fit that as my food allowance for three weeks. My brother, took the easiest major, and manage to double major and have excess sum of scholarship and have a stable job after. Plans to go to law school. But I don't like his majors. I took it and it was depressing even further. And his success and mines. Sometimes I look at myself, what the hell am I doing wrong? My brother told me he's always there to help me but I feel bad asking him for money. I have a job it don't even pay well. Then this other class I already failed it because I work last sem with two jobs and I'm stressed with this one either. I don't know anymore. Whatever...... I don't even know what I'm saying. All I just know I want to run far far far away where these feelings won't hunt me....