I am ashamed of my job. I was at a "higher" school (it's called Gymnasium in my country, you go there for 2 more years than those who "only" go to middle school and you get a more valuable degree which allows you to go to university). All my classmates go to uni, study some awesome things. It's generally seen as a "must" to go to uni if you went to the Gymnasium, getting a regular job is just for the "dumb" people who went to regular school. I know this sounds harsh, but that's really how people see it. Now I tried uni, but failed miserably, and I figured that I'd rather get a regular job that brings me less money than wasting years of my life at uni where I possibly won't even get a degree. It's a really primitive office job, but I like it a lot. I'm not smart, and there I feel like I'm good at what I'm doing, so I'm happy about it. But whenever I meet someone new or catch up with old classmates, and they tell me how they're becoming doctors and lawyers and then ask what I'm doing, I'm so ashamed to tell them. Because they always look at me strangely and then ask "What? Why?" and try to convince me that it's a stupid choice and that I should go to uni. At this point I'm even avoiding meeting people altogether because I hate having these conversations.
When I was little, my favorite "game" to play during summer vacation was school. I missed school and wanted to go back. I wanted to learn. This was before my family got a computer, way before wifi and smartphones were invented, so it's not like I could just go on educational websites any time I wanted. So if I had a workbook from school that I didn't finish, I finished it. If we went to the library, I usually played an educational game installed on the computer. One time all the computers were filled, so I got an encyclopedia, turned to a random page, and copied down notes about jaundice. In fourth grade, my school gave out old copies of an outdated science book and I studied from it for fun. Even as an adult, I still like learning for the sake of learning. I'm teaching myself French just because. I still have some old textbooks in storage in case I get bored one day.
In my univ. I attended a class on the first day where the professor wasnt there. When I came in, my peers told me to save myself and drop the class right away (I took it as an elective) I was wondering why. Because I want to study the class. One guy there whos my friend told me about his experience (he's a Greek major) when he was taking low level Classics class (the class was 200 level btw) with this prof. On that time two girls are sexually harssed by the prof and calling them boobies etc. Theyll get an A as long as they wear the tanks everyday etc. He wont be fired or will be harder to be fired dye to that this professor is tenured has big name, a director of some known institution. But very nasty! And his rate my professor have the same stuff going on. And Now I know why his students are all men. I thought women are just underrepresented in classics Dept. but nope. I dropped anyway. And my friend was relieved.
I'm a visual learner but I hate mind maps. My 4th grade teacher made us copy our history notes as a mind map. All I remember from that time was a bunch of details crammed into little bubbles on one sheet of ruled paper. I had no idea what the point of the mind map was, or why those details had to be forced in bubbles branching from larger bubbles. No one really taught us about learning styles or note taking methods yet, so I didn't know I could've taken notes in a different format. I thought since the teacher wrote it that way, I had to copy it that way too. Even after all these years, like 15 years, I still have a thing against mind maps. Any time I look up study methods for visual learners and it lists mind maps, I get a little bit pissed off. I know they have their place, and maybe detailed Virginian history notes weren't their place, but I can't bring myself to make one without remembering 4th grade hatred.
There's another 1 days more, I'm going back to College. A new semester. But I have no money. Not a single penny. I can't even afford myself to eat. I'm starving. I wonder what will happen to me. Just what, gonna happen to future itself. This is so hurts
It's 2:18 a.m. and I can't sleep. There is one thing, that I know, that will help me sleep. I don't want to do it, but I have a long drive to work. I have to sleep.
I'm a scientist, a lawyer, an engineer, a doctor, and I'm also a motherf****r xD
Fuck guys a friends sister has been missing since Sunday...I'm not gonna be able to sleep.....
My mom is a professor and she doesn't want me to be her student in class because she doesn't want her other students to think I am possible to cheat because my professor is also my mom. I minored in the field she's teaching too so now I'm gonna wait another semester until someone teaches it.. -_-
I WANT TO LET THIS OUT: I have a professor that touched me in my college two years ago. When he did that, I never came to his class again. I tried and tried to pass his class because I need his class and he's the only professor teaching it and it's only offered in one semester I know I need to pass his class. He was horrible, and it also came with a coincident time my father died from a car accident back in LA. I live in a different state so I have to fly down there to attend the funeral. I came back with a note that I came for a funeral and he never accepted it and failed me in my 30% exam without any chance of re-take because he only accepts a doctor's note (not death, sports, conference notes etc). He never said this in the syllabus that he never accept beyond a doctor's note. He never really remembered the time he touched me I guess but he did again. He touched me.. now the end of semester, I failed his class. My GPA went down and I lost three scholarships that only help me afford a college tuition. I was stupid of not dropping his class but I want to graduate on time but him in my life, that probably hindered me what happened to me made me emotionally confused. Now you see, I only have a father and a brother as my relative and since my dad died, I'm by myself (my brother lives in europe away from me), I don't know anyone on my mom's side or my dad's side. And since I lost three scholarships, I have to do something about it. The time my professor touched me then, I felt dirty actually and used it as my asset to work as a stripper. I quit my dreams as pre-med student and majored in something easier to afford paying for college and graduate on time. It's so hard you know. But now I'm a stripper but I'm in no way telling my brother because I know how he'll feel bad that he failed me. But I don't want him to know my problems and pas it on to him. He's my ONLY family. Now though, I'm trying to make an evidence that he touched me so next time I can sue him. And right now my grades, I'm working on, I'm two points to get the grades back and get out of stripping already. I honestly don't like it but it pays me good money tbh. Good money.