My parents now know how behind I've gotten in my studies. They say I might have a burn-out. I think I just brought it upon myself. I should have tried harder and also seeked a new therapist sooner.
Why is it bad to tell good things about yourself in front of others? Like life is already depressing, and others (most) put your down, criticize you etc. Like I'd like to chin up for a bit! I'l claim the statement that I'm good and I'm smart. I'll accept it. And it always works on me, I even passed my exam just by believing it. So like so what if I like to say that. Like if it's cringy.. Well.. cringe away sir.. lol And I don't want to stay depressed so I do something about it!. Like do something! Also, like yeah we're humble by being quiet to others. But if we're not like that, I call it being humble to myself. :)
I have to give a presentation in a few days. I feel nauseous because of this. I don't usually talk much, I don't know how I'm gonna do this... I'm worried that it goes so bad that I fail this class and then I won't get enough credits.
I went through my old year book and I nearly burnt that damn thing. It's so embarassing. The photo I picked, my quote, the fact that nobody wrote something into my comment section, not even one of the people I wrote a really heartfelt comment for. It's quite obvious that I used to be one of those kids who think they're popular and funny, while in reality they're just pathetic losers who force themselves onl everyone.
I need music or tv to block everything out when I study. Not an episode or movie that I haven't seen yet, I know I won't get any work done if I have to pay attention to the screen. But a movie or tv show I've seen dozens of times and can sort of tune out, that helps so much. I don't want to be distracted by noises. I don't want total silence, that's distracting too. If it's silent, my brain gets bored and wanders off.
I need friends in college. Like does dorming help you make friends?
When I was a kid and had only a half a page of math homework and another half-page of spelling homework, I thought THAT was difficult or something. Now I'm a young adult and in university. It's about the perspective...
My dad was my professor last sem. I took his class just because hes teaching my major and hes the only professor teaching it and I have to take the class. (Chemistry). My dad and I are close. My best buddy too. But sometimes these people in class are just too judgemental. In the bathroom these girls were talking that I must be fucking the prof. Of chem to get an A (describing me because I have a short hair and have a tattoo on my left wrist ). I literally didnt hesitate to get out the cubicle and laugh at them. And just blatanly say," fyi I dont fuck professors for grades. The professor is my father and Im a B student. I cant for grades and even if I do my dad would scold me. And...We have the same last name (last name is unique too). You guys think like that? You must be doing it. Attenpt it on my dad, just watch me whoop your slutty ass" Their faces I think went red and ran away. I embarrassed myself but I think they also embarrassed themselves. Came to class laughing. My dad ask me," what the hell you laughing at?" I was just laughing.. the girls I taljed to were so embarrassed... so after that, everytime I ask a question Id say, "Dad!" Or ,"papa!" It breaks professionality but its less harsh.....
I didnt sleep in one day. Went to a website paid $200 to for a skydiving experience. Went outside, met a boy and he asked my number. Went to take chemistry exam (1 week later got a good score), finished a research paper (3 weeks later got the top score in class). This is all because I have no sleep. But one thing I notced I was too optimistic like Im high or something. I sleep that next day, woke up tired and still sleepy. Guy texted me for a date thinking what the happened? Continued skydiving and think what the hell did I just pay for? Studied chem thinking ," but I suck as math!" But hey! At least I can think! Properly....
When I was in high school, I knew a girl named Heather. One year she cut her hair short, started wearing men's clothes, stopped shaving, etc. and she said multiple times "I am a gay man." At that point in my life, I didn't know what transgender people were. So I thought she was joking, or meant that she wished she was a gay man, or that she meant she was just flamboyant like the stereotypical gay dude. I never once called her "he" or used the male name she gave herself (I forget now what it even is). So, classmate, if you're out there, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I regret these actions with every fiber of my being. I'm sorry that, in my ignorance, I pushed you away and hurt you and lost the friendship we had before we could become real friends, and not just "at school" friends. I hope you're doing well and I wish you the best.