Today, I got caught cheating. Yeah yeah say shit to me I'm a disgrace. I worked and studied so hard on my classes yet I still couldn't remember anything. As much as I don't wanna blame the medication, it is the one causing me to have a memory problems. I'm always tired with it now. It deteriorated my memories. Nothing worked for me, I changed three meds already, went to therapist, been on psych ward for suicidal tendencies. And I cheated for the first time one damn paper exam and got caught. I might be dismissed to a university and my life is ruined forever because of it. The only choice is either I kill myself. I know I have so many things I wanna do yet which are simple and short. Something i never do because I never have time for myself and studying,but after that, i'll kill myself.... I'm almost homeless, I have a physical disability. Like what else do I got in this world?? I can't get any better. Plus, I have no friends and my family doesn't care.. And I was sexually molested, bullied, and abused. I don't trust people and their politics. Who am I to run to.. Honestly, I'm fed up with life so nothing but death. Death does not resolve anything but it ends everything I have been trying to resolve for the whole time of my life. Trying to resolve why I am the person I am. Trying to resolve the issues for cancer. And as selfish as it sounds, I've been living my college life researching about cure methods and I just don't know where to stop and re-start. For 21 years of my life, I got have myself so I'm tired of it.
My medication for depression was my new third one but all of the meds is destroying my photographic memory.. In exams, I don't usually study, I look at the stuff and I know them all already but after these meds, it takes me three reads to know the concepts then I have to speak the ideas out lout then I get sleepy in the process... All I want is to just quit already because all the doctors want is to give me meds and stick with meds.. But I tried to rationalize the weight of both having it and not having it and not taking it is heavier... But the doctors is like no..
I get very frank with people and It's hard for me to be serious.. Not sure why.... So when I was presenting my ideas, I keep saying jokes to people out of no where. They're not like a toxic or offensive joke. People laugh but I feel bad because I feel like I'm not professional...
I’m so jealous of my best friend, to the extent that I just want to cut off contact with her. She’s pretty, academically successful, and middle class. I’ve always been jealous of her and we have always been quite competitive academically but now I just feel like everything goes right in her life with her hardly even trying. She cheats and lies to get out of exams or to do well in them and has stolen my work and others’ work in the past, yet she still views herself as deserving of every good grade she has ever achieved She’s just got into one of the best universities in the country and I know I need to act happy for her but I feel that it’s unjust that she’s got in largely because of her arrogance, accent, expensive extracurricular activities and cheating. I can hardly talk about it without the contempt and anger showing on my face. It’s all everyone is going to be talking to her about for weeks though. I know this is childish and pathetic but I just wish I had friends whose sole purpose didn’t seem to be to make me feel worthless and jealous.
Oi!!! Jay, gwapo ka sa imo jacket rn...Smile pa nimo nga kahayag sa akong ngitngit nga kinabuhi...(Challan)😂 Bitaw gi mingaw jd ko nimo, dugay man ka ni balik ug iskwela..Nag unxa man ka sa Davao huh?! Nanakay uyab noh... huhuhuhu...okay lang, Kebs ra...😥 Ang baboy nga gimingaw kay crush... -MonMon
Today; something really grotesque and desturbing did happen to me, me and a guy from school who sleeps around alot were talking, and he had shown me some videos - mostly nudes and masturbation videos of girls he's slept with - with the intend of making me jealous, but everything it did was making me feel sick, because, well, the girls - some of them clearly underage (We're both 18) - had sent that kinda shit trustingly and the guy just showed that around, and also because they weren't really erotic at all, e. g. a girl filling her pussy with all pens in her pencilcase, a carrot and the whole length of a damn 3-meter HDMI-Cable (I didn't even know that was physically possible.) - at once. But the thing that made it so disturbing was the fact, that I was forced to realize how little people give about intimacy and thier personal honor. And, as misogynistic that may be, it has proven my theory right that most girls my age or younger are, indeed, whores. I even had to call my gf to make her a compliment on how reasonable and modest she is... Many a guy here will probably cringe really hard but you at least may agree that what happens behind closed doors should stay behind closed doors...
I have an exam in something that I know nothing about oh God make it easy please!
my school is such a bitch and is the biggest snitcher i know. you skipped ONE school day and suddenly you get 4 emails sent home, a letter and a meeting with your parents. its the end of the school term for fuck sakes merry christmas to you too bitch
i have a test in a few hours and i didn’t study for shit, i’m also behind all of my class work. i’m so fucking stressed and i would be able to handle this if my mental health was ok but nOoO
High school is now over. Unemployed, no "friends" want to hang out with me. Ive always been a loner, but everyone seems fake two months later after finishing exams. Alcoholic, what can I say, I have nothing else to do. More so better to do. Its like no matter how hard I try, I cant be happy.