I slept with a ta last night it was fabulous.
In hindsight, school was, or rather could have been, a wonderful time. I dreaded going to school, I hated it and couldn't wait to get out of there. But now, having more knowledge and being wiser, I realize that all the fears I had were pointless, how easy school was compared to adult life and how much fun I actually had but never appreciated because I was too angry about things that didn't matter. I really wish I could go back with the knowledge I have now, to make it the "best time of my life" that people always talk about.
I'm a university student. I didn't do an assignment on time, asked for extra time and STILL didn't do it. The extended deadline was half an hour ago. I didn't not do it because it was hard, it's because I'm lazy and didn't even try to write. I don't have the guts to tell this to my professor or anyone else so I'm writing it here.
I hate introduction rounds that new teachers make you do. Like "tell the class 3 fun facts about yourself" or something. I never know what to say; in the one hand, my life isn't exciting, and on the other hand, I don't want to share personal details with the whole class. But if you just make something up, people will eventually find out that you lied and this is awkward as hell. I wish teachers would stop doing this.
Something awkward that happened today. A girl sat next to me on the bus and introduced herself to me. I did the same and then I placed my hand in front of her for her to shake because that's how my dad raised me. For a moment she only stared at it. I began to wonder whether I just did something weird and I was so mortified I couldn't even look at her, but I couldn't bring myself to take my hand down, either. That would have been humiliating as well. Eventually, she shook my hand, albeit rather hesitantly, and she said: “Your fingers are freezing." I didn't know how to respond to that. She held my fingers with both her hands and began to rub them as if she were trying to warm them up. This surprised me greatly, and I’m certain I was blushing. I slowly took my hand away from her grasp and hugged my backpack, staring at the floor and wishing the bus would drive faster. This made her laugh. I don't know why. And now I can't stop thinking about the whole thing and feeling embarrassed all over again.
My therapist appointment is too far away and I feel awful. Yesterday in class I felt so stupid when I didn't find answers in the texts we had to read. And last week I couldn't understand a word after the teacher explained it to me. Also, like usual I've been too scared to talk to anybody. I can't talk to anyone but this site.
I don't get the purpose of basic calculators. They're useless. It's not even allowed back when I was in elementary or middle school. Then high school and college came and I use scientific calculators now and has a greater investment. Graphing calculators too... Just saying....
Pretty much all the free-time events and activities at my university involve drinking and lewd humor. I hate stuff like that and the local assumption that everyone in their 20s drinks regularly.
You can do those image analyses. It wasn't hard last time, remember? See, it was even fun at times! There's only two more and one to be polished a bit. Don't be so scared of putting it to words, you're good at organizing points logically. What about the paper from the other course? You can do it, you're not dumb! Finding sources is pretty easy with all those databases. It's gonna be okay.
I found my old prom photos. On one hand, I hate looking at them because back then, I was fat and that dress was not flattering and my makeup looked mediocre at best. But on the other hand... it makes me feel good about myself now. It reminds me how much weight I've lost and how much better I actually look. I even tried that old dress on to see how it fits me now, and actually... it looks really good. I'm very tempted to alter it and take in some of the fabric (since it's actually too big now) and find an excuse to wear it somewhere.